Showing signs of neglect

I've been in a bit of a posting slump lately. I'm sure that having the kids here for school and then having to share the computer and then trying to do any household chores I feel compelled to complete have absolutely nothing to do with said slump.

Then again, it might be the fault of the gorgeous 72 degrees, sunshine and balmy breezes we're experiencing. That darn weather keeps dragging us outside to distractions like parks, the library and the backyard. Today, it made us run up and down dirt bike hills, pretending we were on battle fields until 2 injuries and an urgent potty break interrupted the war.

It's shameful, really, the excuses I am dredging up for the neglect I am inflicting you all with. Better call the BPS* though, because I don't see much rain in the forecast and the kids seem to have a teacher** that has assigned actual work. She's so annoying.


* Blog Protective Services.

** I'm actually LIKING that title...

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

One benefit of having a husband who works nights: during his downtime, there is no one to talk to, so now he reads my blog, sees that I am drinking flat champagne, and scrounges up some change for a bottle of cheap wine. :) Thanks, babe.

~~

The Wizards of Waverly Place movie is tonight. I know! Aren't you biting your toenails in anticipation? Well, if you lived in THIS house, you would be. I was chosen to host a party for the "premiere" of this Disney Channel movie and my kids are acting like we've been given a thousand bucks to host a gala event. The fact that our party box only contained some posters, a music cd, notebooks and other publicity items hasn't phased them. Being the rockin Mom that I am, I even baked a Big Sugar Cookie. Because I love them and know that they will love IT. Not because I've been craving sugar cookies. Not at all.

~~

Speaking of anticipation, Corinne is in full-on GIDDY mode. Her cousin is spending the night tonight and the prospect of a real, Big-Girl-Sleepover is almost too much to handle. She has been glittering up banners and arranging her room to make the whole experience one to remember. Ever watch a 3 year old try to prepare for something? Her perspectives of what will make her cousin have a good time are extremely amusing. But who am I to judge?!? Maybe lining up books, metal jars, and her favorite blankets is the key to a really grand time. I've probably been missing out...

~~

Day 3 of Justin waking up early (like, 6 am, early) to get his school work done. This can totally continue for the rest of the year. I have NO PROBLEM with waking up to grade his work while I drink a coffee. He's been extremely accepting of this arrangement and when I pointed out that he forgot to do his geography book, he simply said "Oh! I wondered what that was!" and DID THE WORK RIGHT THEN. Just smack me with some soggy cabbage. I am still in a slight denial of the possibility that this Might. Actually. Work. Out.

~~

On that note, this is Day 1 of Evan giving me troubles with his work. Sigh... I knew it was too good to last terribly long. HOWEVER! I am headed upstairs to convince him that he'd much rather do his math and finish his English than miss the movie premiere tonight. I have a feeling that this will make his head spin 360 degrees and flames burst from his eyeballs, but that he WILL do his work.

Just a hunch.

How many of my posts are written under the influence...

Maybe it's just the slightly flat, cheap champagne I'm indulging in, but my mind got to thinking tonight (it has a tendency to do that).

"Self," says my mind, "Self, what is this worry you have over 'selling out' and not wanting to write half-drunken blog posts? Thinking of Writing for Da Man? Composing fluffy little posts that mean nothing to you? Posts that make you cringe not because they were lamely written (hard to believe, but this does tend to happen on Just Another Mommy Blog) but because you were worried that a potential advertiser might come across your top post about alcohol or sex and say "HELL no! Not this one. We're moving along with our highly lucrative, multi-digit-every-month advertising figure*". Simply because your in-laws now read your blog (hi guys! All of you! Even you, dear brother-in-law!), does this mean that you should refrain from using your rare free moments to document this obvious gift of humor that oozes from your fingertips? Especially when said in-laws have said to "Go ahead! Post what you feel like!"

No sirrrrreee. I shall post with my head up and my gut out! I cannot deny the universe the experience of top notch quality posts by Tracey B.
~~
Hey!

Did you know that 10 year old champagne is somewhat like a cheap wine? True fact.
~~

Holy crap! I almost forgot to update you all on the MOST EXCITING THING OF MY NIGHT. Brace yourselves:

I got my 100k badge on Bejeweled Blitz!

Please don't scoff (at least, not so loudly). This game is addictive, yo. I know I've written about the draw that the shiny gems and Barry White announcer have for me. So give me a little break, kay?
~~~
Wow. It's after midnight and I don't show any sign of slowing down. And I have school in the morning with the kids! I'm thinking that the option of "just read quietly this morning, kids. Mommy has a special headache..." wouldn't be the best way to start the 3rd day of school, so I will grudgingly dump the glass down the drain and trudge to bed. Crossing all my appendages that I get a good night's sleep!


*I am totally lying. If you have a highly lucrative, multi-digit-every-month advertising proposal, I will completely sell-out and write fluffy posts about how to potty-train** and what to do when your tween asks about sex.

**Though, I must admit, I am no expert on potty-training. The first two experiences were absolute nightmares that I survived only by the skin of my teeth (and the acquisition of an entire streak of gray hair***) and the last one was a fluke. She trained herself, much to my delighted shock.

***Sadly, my gray streak doesn't rock the way Stacey's does on What Not To Wear. Though we ALL know how I feel about THAT show, right Megan??



Grateful for:

~ old champagne that didn't spoil.
~ 2 days of good school in a ROW.
~ 100k, baby!!

Pet Rescue

I have a confession: My kids play a LOT of video games. As in, they play a number that I won't write on this site for fear of losing your respect. (Yikes. That must be a LOT, eh?) But no matter how much screen time they get, I WILL swear that I try to place the educational ones in front of them more often than not. Whether or not they respond to them or not isn't my point. My POINT (since you asked) is that I TRY.

One of the sites that I have raved about before is the Jumpstart site for younger children. Corinne LOVES it. I LOVE it. Can't say enough good stuff. Here, read my previous review... Check out their online site...

See? Good stuff.

I was absolutely tickled to have JumpStart contact me again, asking me to review their new game for the Nintendo Wii system, JumpStart, Pet Rescue. My family doesn't personally own a Wii, but my sister does! So Corinne and I headed on over to try out the new Wii game with my niece who is 4 years old. Here's Corinne's review of the game.....

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Hmmm. She may have gotten a bit off-track there. Sorry! But she's just so dang cute, I couldn't resist! I love 3 year olds...

It has all of the good stuff that the online game had. Rated for Early Childhood by the ESRB, it focuses on the skills that are important to pre-schoolers and young learners, all within the context of an adorably sweet adventure-world.

For any of you lucky Wii owners who would like a chance to win a Pet Rescue game for yourself, head on over and enter! It's scary simple.

Just Another Wednesday

I woke up this morning and saw only 2 of my 3 kids still asleep on the family room floor (it was HOT last night, so we camped out). I figured Justin was in the bathroom or something, but he wasn't... Hmmm. I nearly passed out when I walked into the office area and saw him huddled over his schoolwork for the day! Before 8 am. Without being asked. Just.... working.

I think he's hoping that he'll get more video game time. Hate to break it to him, but the television STILL won't go on until EVERYone's work is done.

Maybe I'll let him in on that little fact AFTER he's finished....

It's a drippy, rainy morning. I am so glad we went to my parents' house last night. The kids had an absolute BLAST in their pool! Going to their house on a school night is definitely a HUGE perk in homeschooling. Another perk is this:Every single child got to hang out with their Daddy. On a SCHOOL day. Even though he goes to bed at 2 and wakes at 9. Even though he's never home (and awake) during the week for more than 30-45 minutes. This picture is the best reason for doing what we're doing. I think I need to blow it up and frame it as my Mission Statement, to be used on days where kids AREN'T getting up to do their work early...

First Day

First Day of HomeSchool, 2009. ROCKED. It rocked, guys!

Just crossing my fingers that we have more days like today than not.

Speaking of homeschooling, I am now upside-down with my housework schedule so I must exit here and get some laundry done in the EVENING which is highly unusual for me...

A GOOD contest!!

Ok. I don't usually post or tweet about other people's giveaways, but I MUST participate in this one!

Dr. Mommy Chronicles has a contest running for a $500 teen or tween room makeover sponsored by WalMart!! I KNOW! Perfect, right?? What an incredible present THIS would be for their Christmas!!!

(By the way, I must thank her for looking through her contract again and seeing that this contest applies to any family with a NINE year old and up. I really appreciate the extra effort!)

Anyway. After receiving the email this morning, I literally ran upstairs with my Flip camera (thanks again, Ford!) and began yet another riveting vlog by yours truly. It's brilliantly done. Brought tears to my eye, actually. (and that's not because of the too-bright exposure.)

Without further ado, here is my entry for the tween/teen room makeover.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Pick me, pick me, pick me, please!!!!!

If any of you want to enter and try to beat me for this AWESOME contest, well. I'd just like to see you TRY. Go ahead and TRY!

Hope and Plan and Pray

Originally posted at the former Chicago Moms Blog on August 22, 2009

Hope and Plan and Pray

It's more than just a date on the calendar. It's a feeling and rhythm in the air. Tensions change, the clock is ticking and the hourglass is nearly empty. Every activity is done with a frantic need to have a Really! Fun! Time! before the opportunity slips away.

Each year, the scramble to secure the proper supplies and paraphernalia associated with the Back To School Season stresses the heck out of me. The fact that we are homeschooling this fall instead of "going to school" doesn't eliminate that stress. It's just taken on a new face!

Last year, I was worried about the teachers my boys would get. Would they understand one son's special (but not available for an IEP) needs? Would they help the other son to excel where he had been struggling before? Would there be a continuance of the social issues one had dealt with? Would the year go down as one to remember or one to forget?

This year, I am worried about the teacher my boys will have (ME!). Will I understand one son's special needs? Will I be able to help one son excel where he had been struggling before? Will this change in our lifestyles continue to aid the social issues we were seeing improvement on after homeschooling for a few months last spring? Will this year go down as not only the First Full Year of Homeschooling but also the BEST?

I can only hope and plan and pray.

I hope for patience.

I plan the lessons.

I pray that I am not committed before year's end...

Because I am NOT a child anymore...

I was the child that would frown at the photographers. How dare they treat me like such a, a... CHILD?!? Making silly faces and having puppets annoyed me to no extent. There are many family photos where I had a pout instead of a grin, simply because some ADULT was acting JUVENILE.Me at my 8th birthday. I WAS happy! See that half-smile? My mom earned that because she WASN'T acting ridiculous!

I was the child that would clam up when hurt. Yes, I'd be bleeding and bawling, but please! Don't coddle me! I was NOT a baby and did NOT appreciate being cooed over, having injuries called boo-boo's and a kiss NEVER made it feel better. This lovely trait continued on into adulthood. Picture me on the delivery table, whimpering, "Mommmeeee...." (Yes. It's true) only to shove my poor mother away when she hurried to my side. After all, I was NOT a baby! I could do it MYSELF! (Wonder where my daughter gets it from? Look no further than the tree she fell from.)

I was the child that wanted no help. No help! No help! I CAN MANAGE!

I'm seeing a pattern here...

And yet? Sometimes, we all need help. This is a lesson we all claim to understand. Especially when it's someone ELSE needing that help. It's super easy to be the helpER. But when an honest need settles upon your life and takes up residence, the lesson on how to swallow your selfish pride and accept the assistance (with a smile) from those who can and WANT to help you takes on a whole new meaning.

I thank each person who has supported us. I thank each person who IS helping us. It is amazing to me that in the crappy state of our economy there are still so many people who are willing to sacrifice so that we might be more comfortable. I promise to hold this hard-learned lesson near to my heart and continue to help others as you have helped us.

You know who you are and I'll never forget it.

Sweet Dreams Aren't Made of This

Ever have a night where your dream is so real and detailed that when you awaken, your brain keeps the dream going? Except it was a CRAPPY dream, full of horrible things, and you wake up shaking with fury because how could that BE? What is up with THAT? And you stomp downstairs, shaking your fist and muttering about how you're going to Whup! Some! ASS!! And it isn't until you hear the dial tone of the phone, calling your unsuspecting (and innocent) husband at 5 am, that your consciousness FINALLY kicks into gear and you realize: AHA! Dream. Not real. DREEEEEAM.....

Ever have that happen?

Just one of those days...

Ever have a day that you just handled well? You know, where things went wrong, but for some reason, none of it really bugged you?

Normally, having Corinne and her buddy running in and out while Evan and his buddy ran in and out all day long would tire me out. Emotionally and physically, it just wears me down. Usually, having a pretty empty pantry because I still don't have a vehicle (I get it back on Saturday!!) makes me grrrrumpy and agitated. Most days that require me to hose the thick mud off of Corinne and her friends (AGAIN) will leave me exhausted and ready to tuck them all into bed, nice and early.

Instead? Today, the breeze was making my curtains billow. Today, the kids stayed out when I told them to. Instead of seeing what I didn't have in the pantry, I saw the 8 apples on their last days, just begging to be made into apple crisp. With no thought of rushing through it, I snatched Evan up and had him measure and pour the ingredients. While the crisp baked, I rummaged even further and found enough ingredients for another loaf of carrot bread (when your friend brings you 8 bags of carrots, you FIND ways to use them!). The smells of cinnamon, apples and bread filled the house even as Corinne romped around outside, coating her skin with thick, gooey muck. "Mud brownies, Mommy!" Instead of bemoaning the mess, I was glad that at least ONE of my kids would get a fast shower today! When I didn't know what I would serve for dinner, Patrick's friend showed up with his kids and spaghetti, ready to eat! And EVAN ATE SPAGHETTI. (This in itself is a miracle).

Just one of those days where things were normal but I was happier. No reason other than the breeze in the curtains and a random good night's sleep.

Just Cuz

I posted this on my Review site, but wanted to put it here too because isn't she cute?? :)

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Oops. Needed a title, didn't I?

Such a quiet morning. Except for the crickets and other chirpy bugs that are having a field day with the overcast wetness outside. My windows are open and it feels like we're camping (without the dirt) (well, SOME of the dirt. I am not particular about a clean house.). I just realized that this is the first year in a decade that my family didn't go camping once. I mean, we took the kids in the backyard to delude them into thinking they were going camping, but that's not the same. Hmmm. Another tradition, ripped in half. I know we'll try to go next year, but I HATE it when yearly traditions miss a step...

That leads me into considering how I can make this Christmas fun for the kids without spending any money. Patrick and I don't need presents, and I know the kids will have lovely gifts from our families, but I still need to provide at least A gift from us and the big man in red. (And that would be a HUGE change from the years past...) So I have been entering contests on blogs. And I mean I have been ENTERING. Every day I search for items that match what my family might be interested in. I haven't won anything yet, but I know that the odds are, I will win SOMEthing for SOMEone this Christmas. If any of you all know of sites that host good giveaways for kids like mine, please forward the link, ok? Muwah.

~~

I really am distracted lately. I can't bring myself to post very great posts or even comment as regularly as I used to. I'm sure it's because of the season (Back To School) and the humidity (sticky! Everything is STICKY) but I don't know what to write about other than financial woes (which has been done to death and is bugging my husband when I DO write about it, but he doesn't like to hear me talk about it all the time and I NEED to talk to SOMEONE without them offering suggestions for our problems. So? I write about it online. Because you will listen and not go on and on about what we SHOULD be doing when we're doing all we can. I DIGRESS). See? Almost an entire paragraph in parentheses! That is Not Normal, my friends.

Also, this grateful thing is NICE and all, but I don't think it has changed my daily outlook. Not really. I mean, if I look back through this blog, I will find dozens and dozens of posts where I whine and then remark about the silver lining. Apparently, I am already a Pollyanna who tries to find the good in my life, even when the load is too heavy to budge with a 18 wheeler. But I am NOT a quitter, so here's some of the goodies of my life:

~ I cleaned my laundry room and found 65 cents!
~ I have 2 cards from JCPenny and Kohl's for free merchandise! I am heading there today or tomorrow to search for a fabulous deal for a present for SOMEONE.
~ It may be hot but we have the neighborhood pool and it's calling our names today...

What I COULD be writing about....

I COULD be writing about the lovely wedding on Friday, held at the same reception hall and the same ROOM that our own wedding was held in, almost 12 years ago... deja vu and all that.

I could be writing about the friends from out of town that visited with the baby I once held and diapered who now towers over me, all arms and feet and elbows...

I could be writing about the bridal shower for my cousin and the sweetness of a bride-to-be as she opens cutting boards! And vacuum cleaners! Or how queer it is to see the women I knew as "young-old ladies" now in their last stages of life. To remember that each of us is constantly moving within our life cycles, and I will someday be attending parties with my hair in white curls, smelling of lavender and Ivory soap...

I could be writing about the piles of school supplies our families have bestowed upon us. The workbooks, folders, scissors and glue. The paper, planners, crayons and books. It's been like Christmas for me (though my kids haven't been quite as excited to see the big, fresh workbooks... Can't imagine why...)

I could be writing about any of these things, but instead I have been curling up with a book and trying to enjoy the last schedule-free days of summer.

Don't miss me too much. ;) I won't be gone long...

Grateful for:

~ our generous family
~ canoli at the bridal shower
~ free carrots to boil and puree

My Girl

My hands swirl and twist, forcing the lotion into my dry, dry hands.

Her hands swirl and twist, mimicking each movement perfectly.

I sigh and apply more to my elbows and legs. Up and down, into my heels, around my knees...

She sighs and applies some to her elbows and legs. Up and down, into her heels, around her knees...

I pause.

She pauses.

I smile into her sparkling brown eyes.

She smiles into my blue ones.

"Do you like doing what Mommy does?"

"Yes! I want to be just like YOU, Mommy!"

My eyes well up. My smile is wistful. I picture her fearless joy for life and ability to make everyone feel special...

"That's funny, baby girl. Because I want to be just like YOU."

Drifting away again...

Ok, seriously? No comments? What. The. Hell?

Way to make a girl question herself, guys. Nice. Reeeeal nice. Oh, yeah! I'm looking at YOU. You totally know that you had the option to click through your feed reader and spread a little love, but instead? Instead you spent some time with your family or paid your taxes or something else that's equally mean.

Bully.

I'm off to drink myself into a coma, thinking of ways to be snarkier so that you'll love me again.

Snark. Heh. Who the hell thought of that word? Whoever it is, I'll bet you she's piiiiiisssed that she didn't trademark it or something.

Can you trademark a word? Didn't some guy try to trademark "3 peat" when the the Bulls (DA BULLS!) were on their 3 time championship winning streak? Did he ever succeed? Cuz if so, I am TOTALLY going to trademark "Snark". But shhhhh... Keep it to yourself.

Day 4 (Eaaaaarly!!) Grateful for: the margarita mix in my fridge. The last alcoholic beverage left in our house. (hard to justify buying booze before milk or orange juice...) I've been slowly going through the weird mixes and random beers from parties past (and I am not a beer girl) and I have finally made it to the pre-mixed alcohol drinks in the back of the fridge. It was a little crusted over at the top though... Alcohol doesn't go bad, right??

Don't answer that.

Title schmitle

I obviously suck at this whole "daily gratitude thing." I mean, day 2 and I forgot. Doh.

Ok, for day 2, I am grateful that the kids all went to sleep without fighting. And that's INCLUDING having a friend spend the night on a whim. I know, I know; I rock.

Day 3 (TODAY) at 11:37 am, I am grateful that it is no longer stifling out so I could turn the a/c off. 2 days of it being on will be enough of a hit to our bills!

And now I am off to just stare at a wall or something. Not a lot of energy or desire to clean/play/read or anything. The boys each have a friend over (Nazi zombies, anyone?) and Corinne is currently running after the cats and then outside and then back in to chase the cats and then back out to swing and then back in... You get the idea. I will wait for Patrick to get home with the hopes that he and I can say more than "Hi! How was your day? Do we have any money? Oh, goodnight..." before his head hits the pillow and I am alone with the kids again.

This whole "cheerful perspective" thing may not fly, folks. Just a heads up.

Hey. If you really do want me to be cheerful about something, go comment on my giveaways. I have 3 going on and I'm sure that at least 1 will apply to your family.


Heh. What the hell? I posted this in the morning. Or thought I did. Apparently I need to double check if I'm hitting "save" or "publish".

A book to read before you jump...

If I were looking for a book on skydiving, I would search for one written by someone who had actually, well, jumped out of a plane. Literature written by those who observe on the ground or even by the pilot would definitely have some interesting perspectives, but really? Can I REALLY understand what it is to ride up in that plane, stomach turning over in knots and wondering:

"Will I survive? Will I get injured? Is this REALLY a smart idea? Maybe someone else should jump!!"

Can a pilot who has never taken the leap into air honestly comprehend the emotions of someone free-falling for hundreds and hundreds of feet? Would his interpretations of that experience ever come close to first-hand knowledge?

That is the attitude I had when I began reading the book, Birth Day by Dr. Mark Sloan...

Continue reading...

Like Miralax for the Mind

I want to change my outlook. I realized that most of my posts as of late have focused on the negatives. "No money! Hard hours! My life doesn't SUCK, but wah wah wah it's not EAAAASYYY!!! Pity me, wah wah wah..." Yeah, it's not been pretty, has it?

You have my apologies. My blog is most definitely a glimpse into my heart and mind. If my heart and mind are that centered on the crappy elements in my otherwise good life, then I obviously need a good kick in the ass.

I want to have a more positive attitude. And I want to be able to do this ALL the time. Or at least MOST of the time... Is that really possible?

Let me sip my coffee and brew on that for a moment....

Ok, Here's my reflection: I CAN be positive. In fact, I'm sure of it. (I love ironic puns, don't you?) But if I am to make this work, I must also allow myself to feel the valleys. I cannot ignore the emotions that come naturally to me. Blocking sadness or discouragement will only make me fill with repressed emotions. And trust me when I say that getting backed up on ANYthing in your life will only land you in the emergency room getting treated for constipation to the tune of thousands of dollars.

I'm thinking of a daily gratitude journal thing. But Oprah did that, and I don't want to seem like I'm one of her minions (unless you are here from Oprah's site and want to interview me on my highly original and brilliant takes on the world and parenting. Then, by all means, CALL ME! I'm TOTALLY a fan!) But I do believe that I can commit to a month of writing down at least 1 thing (or more! I'm open to very, very happy days!) a day that I am truly grateful for. And while I will try to make each day a new item, I won't beat myself up for repeating once in a while.

Damn. The writing in this post sucks.

Shit. That's not positive, is it? Aaarrrggghh!! This isn't going to be easy.

OK! Shaking it off! Gratitude Day Numero Uno:

I am grateful for...

... my coffee and the fact that there's a full pot waiting for me...
... it's Monday so we'll see Patrick for a few more hours tonight....
... seeing my nieces and nephew this weekend. I'm not playing favorites, but my godson is freakin adorable right now. He made me laugh and laugh and laugh...
... air conditioning. Yes, it will cost us a pretty penny, but with a heat index of over 115 this week, we NEEDED the a/c. Not all families even HAVE one...
... Patrick agreed to homeschooling Evan this year. We're giving it a full year of honest effort. I think he deserves the chance to have the experience. I'm so glad Pat is willing to try again...


On that note, I am off to spread my Pollyanna attitude to all of you lovelies. Get ready to puke from perkiness!

Unintentional Family Bed

This wasn't planned. But as a side effect of a husband that works nights and a summer schedule that doesn't make us wake up before 8 am, my children have grown quite accustomed to sleeping in my room. In my bed. On top of me and my pillows. (I am a bit possessive of my pillows...)

Want to hear an even stranger side effect of this night shift? I kinda like this family bed thing. Even when they are sweating on my shoulder or violently kicking me as they dream. Because honestly? This is a brief moment in my life. Pffffttt! Gone. Before I know it, the bed will be too small and sharing bedtime with the family will be way uncool. As it is, Justin has decided that he likes the floor next to my bed rather than my pillow-top queen-sized mattress. Close to me, but not touching. This is as it should be, I suppose. He is, after all, 10 years old. But his descent to the carpet has me holding the other two a little bit tighter...

One morning, I will wake up and find that no one wants to cuddle in my bed after a bad dream. One morning, I won't be able to remember the last time a small child stroked my cheek as he or she drifted into unconsciousness, completely secure in the love and safety of Mommy's bed. One morning, I will awake alone, and mourn the loss of these golden years...

They can kick me in the head tonight. I really don't mind.

So. How YOU doin?

My prayers were answered!! I asked for someone to send me something to review that I really, REALLY needed like FOOD, and the heavens opened and showered upon me great vats of delicious applesauce!!Well, not vats. That would be a bit much. But a BUNCH of applesauce... Continue reading and enter to win...

~~~

When your kids are little, the internet is a simple place. They are monitored while online 100%, simply for the fact that they could break something if you walk away! But as they age, you tend to walk away more and more, thinking "What can he possibly find at this age? He's so innocent and still loves Pokemon, for crying out loud!"

I will admit that I fell into that protected bubble. I felt my kids were relatively safe since I was never farther than a room away. And while I don't believe they would ever intentionally look for "bad internet stuff" I DO believe that "bad internet stuff" looks for them. I am NOT ok with that.
Continue reading and enter to win...

~~~

If your kids are into art projects, then I have a truly fun giveaway for you!

Clay So Cute is a new book by Sherri Haab all about the cool crafts you can make with polymer clay. Though the releases all say it is designed with an aim towards 8-12 year old girls, I disagree. The projects in this book appealed to all 3 of my kids, none of which fall into that marketing bracket...

Continue reading and enter to win...
~~~


DANG. That is a lot of giveaways in a short time! Any other folks interested in reviews or giveaways, please remember that I love hosting them on my review blog. Also as an FYI to you readers, the internet protection software has only ONE ENTRY as of right now! I can't figure that one out as it's a great program and worth over $60! WAKE UP FOLKS!!

I have been absent as the sun has been shining, my book has been calling, homeschool planning is in full swing, and there hasn't been enough chocolate to satisify my cravings. (Hellllooo, Brother-in-law! I'm sure you are thrilled to know I share the same womanly cycle as your wife! And now the ENTIRE* world knows, too!!) So just be a good little blogger, click on over to my review blog, and just enter so I don't get all menstrual-crazy on your ass.

*Don't burst my bubble and point out that only 1 gajillionth of the world's population reads this blog. Let's just pretend that folks in Southeast Asia actually ARE interested in the mystical magic that is my personal menstrual cycle. Though, that is pretty creepy. Especially considering one of the grossest random googles I got on my site recently. I won't get too specific but let's just say someone found my blog because they googled how to pleasure themselves with shampoo... Ew. But at least I have clean perverts on my site, right?!?!

NEARLY Wordless Wednesday *

Corinne's self-portrait. Age 3 years, 10 months.

I know I'm biased, but isn't that the most beautiful drawing you've ever seen??

Forget it. It's NOT my bias. She is most definitely an art prodigy...

*NEARLY Wordless? How can you be NEARLY Wordless??**

** Please tell me you know which movie I am pimping out. If not, well... I just don't know if I can be your friend anymore. ***

*** I still want to be your friend, so here's a clue: The movie rhymes with "Jerry Cotter and the Schmorcerer's Cone" Shhhhh....

If I ever get around to it, I'll link to the other Wordless Wednesdays HERE. I wonder if I'll be disqualified for taking the "Nearly" Wordless to a new extreme???

Tuesday Sunrise *

I wonder how many posts I have written in the wee hours? When Patrick is working and I have insomnia... When the kids are asleep and the cats are prowling... When my eyes are heavy but my mind can't halt activity...

Far too many posts.

Yawwwwnnnn.... (literally)
~~
I sent off a late wedding RSVP yesterday without finding a sitter first. I then began making sitter calls and I am having a hard time finding someone! Crap. Still have Patrick's family to call, otherwise I get to make a really ridiculous phone call, "Hey, I know I said we could come and I replied 5 days late, but now I have to cancel. Have fun with the seating charts!" Considerate and classy. That'd be me.

~~

I just got paged by my middle kid. He awoke to realize I wasn't in bed and rather than check the obvious location at 5 am (computer desk) he simply laid in bed, calling for me.

"Mama?"

"What?" whispered shout.

pause...

"MAMAAA?!?"

"WHAT?!?" hissed and aggravated shout because I do NOT want 3 awake children right now. I have been up since 2 am, kiddo!

pause...

"Never mind."

Just looking for me. Just wanting to know where I am. Sigh... He is sweet. Attached to his family, unbelievably tight. And I? I am simply too tired to make any tender or witty observations regarding that trait. Honestly, I am beyond exhausted. Being tired like this is.... tiring. When you are finally ready to fall back asleep as the sun is rising? That SUCKS.

~~
*Doesn't that sound like a mixed drink? Or a stripper's name? "I'll have another Tuesday** Sunrise, please. On the rocks." or "Hey baby. I'm Tuesday. Tuesday SUNrise..."

**Ever notice how strange the word "Tuesday" is? No wonder our kids have such a hard time learning to spell! Couldn't we pick 1 language to pull words from and stick with it?

"My Sink is dirty" or "Why FlyLady is on Crack"

FlyLady. Ever hear of that website? For the uninformed, it's a site dedicated to helping you not only clean your house but KEEP it organized. It's all about changing the way you live, becoming one with your chores, all while completely sober. Like a cult. With dishrags.

I was intrigued. I mean, I would LOVE for my home to be clean(ish)! Maybe this FlyLady gal could convince me that I don't despise laundry. Perhaps this site would redirect the urine stream of the males in this household to actually go INTO the toilet, so I wouldn't have to scrub it off the cracks and crevices behind it! (Which, I have to ask; WHAT THE HELL? Who designed toilets? A MAN. That's who. A man who never has to scrape dried pee from tiny nooks and crannies. If a woman had designed the toilet, it would be streamlined and straight. No nesting grounds for bodily fluids to congregate. MEN! Gah...)

FlyLady: Getting Started.

Go Shine Your Sink. Hmmmm. The premise behind a clean sink is that if you have at least ONE THING clean in the morning, you won't feel quite as depressed and ready to slit your wrists when surveying the towering pile of dishes awaiting scrubbing. I actually see the validity in this point. I mean, I DID clean the sink and then the counters and Hey! Before I knew it, the kitchen was pretty damn clean! Holy Shit. I LOVE FLY LADY. I am an instant convert! Give me that Kool-Aid now!!!

I was so hyped, I had to jump to Day 2. This lady was AWE.SOME. What genius idea would she have next?!?

Get Dressed to Lace Up Shoes. Ok. I was really confused. Southern ladies, is this common language?? "Lace up shoes?" When I read that she wanted me to GET DRESSED as in clean and make-up with shoes and hair and, and... Well. I actually laughed at Miss Fly. Surely she wasn't talking to ME!?!? Seriously? I forgave her for this little discrepancy as I knew she didn't really "know" me. She didn't realize that I don't have the DESIRE to get "dressed up" every day. And that if I could really find the TIME to get dressed and made-up, then I damn well wouldn't be scrubbing my kitchen SINK!

There must be a good point coming up. Right? I skipped ahead through the remaining 30 days to see what she had in store for me. (Best line in the entire site: "Nothing says I love you like clean underwear." Actually, LOTS of things say I LOVE YOU more than clean underwear. Such as a big bottle of wine and a babysitter. Well, the babysitter wouldn't be sharing the bottle of wine with me. But you get the picture. This conversation doesn't really fit in right here, but it was too awesome to let it lie on the blog edit floor. As if I really have an editing floor. Could you imagine if I did, though? The little bits and pieces of blogs that never made it, scattered amidst the granola bar wrappers and unpaid bills... Hey, it's MY blog, damnit. I'll digress as long as I want to.)

Days 3-31 contain such genius ideas as "putting paper in a binder" to make a journal of cleaning ideas, posting sticky notes all over my already cluttered house and allowing myself 15 minutes a day to do whatever I want.

Again I laughed. Surely she jests? What the hell does FlyLady think I am doing on the freaking internet??? This is my time! I find time for myself!! That is not the problem. The problem is HOW DO I MAKE THIS MESS GO AWAY?? How do I KEEP it away?

And how can I accomplish this feat without ever doing any cleaning myself?? She continues on to say that this will make my life easier if only I read through their 15-20 EMAILS A DAY. As though I don't have enough junk mail each day to scan, she wants to add MORE chores to my list?!? And expect me to scrub my freaking sink, too???

Honestly. Within an hour I had crushed on FlyLady harder than I crushed on Mikey in the 7th grade (he was so cute!) and broken up with her faster than the guy who hid the whole "I sell cocaine but it's not a big deal, right?" in high school.

And so I am back to living in a cluttered, messy home. The papers are strangling my desk. There are Cheerios crushed into the carpet. My bathrooms were cleaned 2 days ago, but are showing signs of pee on the floor by now. And my sink? My sink is dirty. And I am ok with that.


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