Life is Good

As I have done hundreds of times before, I sat on my back stoop to watch my dog sniffing the corners of our yard this morning. Steaming cup of coffee in my hand, I sip and reflect, as I have on many similar mornings, on how I don't want to forget. I want to capture this moment and hold it in my hand forever. Nothing could be better than the coolness of the cement seeping through my pajamas and hot hazelnut coffee on my tongue.

The morning doves are in competition with the finches for Best Vocalists. Occasionally, they are both beaten out by the echoes of airplanes as they begin their descent into Midway.

The air has that special quality to it that only exists in the moments before the sun fully rises. Slightly thick with humidity, but still cool and calm. It's air that is full of promise and possibility.

Penny spied something in the tall spring grass by the fenceline. It has grown thick and lush in that area, thanks to the choices our dog makes in where she does her business. It's hilarious to watch this dog darting through the grass and weeds; she's so cautious about where she puts her feet, but SO anxious to finally catch that rabbit.

This is the good stuff. Mornings like these are what I live for. I don't need fancy trips or clothes. Though I love traveling and adventures, the view outside of my own back door is enough to settle my soul for the day. The list of tasks I hope to accomplish today isn't overwhelming and includes activities I'm actually looking forward to. Sorting books for the freshly cleaned book shelves. School with the kids and making lesson plans for next week. Eating those cinnamon rolls that I put in the oven earlier... There is still a lot (A LOT) to do, but it doesn't overwhelm me when I am able to breathe the morning air in the solitude of my own back step.

The Return of the First

I used to get SO ANGRY at how absorbed my boys would become with playing video games. They would spend hours and hours killing zombies and forcing Spongebob to jump for a golden spatula, while the sun would shine and toys would gather dust. I would eventually lose my mind, threaten to take away the damn Xbox, and force them to get off and go outside and PLAY SOMETHING ELSE. ANYthing, just get off the video games!! And they would, because they were littler and that's what littler kids do. They play. They play on swings and build Legos and chase each other with light sabers and build forts.

And then, one day, Justin stopped playing. He stopped playing with his brother because, well, he wasn't little anymore. And he REALLY stopped playing. He stopped playing board games, card games, and any video game that was a cooperative one. He didn't even want to watch the same movies that the rest of us did! He went solo. Completely and utterly solo. Like a hermit crab, he retreated into his own corner of the house; the office, just beside the kitchen, where his computer was located. Close enough for us to SEE him, and know that he was alive, but far enough that hours would pass without any conversation with the rest of the family. His absence was profound and, no matter how much we tried, we couldn't seem to truly draw him back into the family core. The remaining 4 of us continued to play. We played toys and board games and card games and cooperative video games. We always, ALWAYS, invited Justin to join us, but the answer was, invariably, "no thanks."

Recently, something has changed.

Be it the influential presence of his girlfriend or other friends who visit more regularly, or the natural course of simply maturing; either way, he has ~knocks on wood, whispers and looks around furtively~ returned to us. I never thought I'd be so thrilled to hear that "rat-tat-tat" of automatic weapons from our television speakers as I currently am at this very moment. Because that sound means that my boys, Evan AND JUSTIN, are playing together again. Yes, they're killing virtual people together, but the operative word here is TOGETHER. They are PLAYING TOGETHER and laughing and shouting and having a grand old time TOGETHER. I am willing to overlook my pacifist tendencies a bit for the return of a physical and emotional presence by my firstborn. I am ecstatic to learn that the two of them hung out together last night, eating pizza, and watching a movie.

Seriously, I need to wipe a tear at that line.

My boys are friends again.

Snapshot memories

17 years ago today, the weather was GORGEOUS, much like it is right now. I clearly remember certain details... Like walking into a nail salon for the first time in my life, only to turn around and leave because the SMELL! The FUMES! I couldn't handle it. I went home and did my own nails (as usual) for the next day, which was my wedding.

We had a very fun rehearsal that night. Complete with the whole "bouquet made from bridal shower gift bows" and much laughter, despite the very serious setting of the Catholic church we were getting married in. I remember how the soloist and pianist both had shocked expressions on their faces when I paid them. They had said "whatever you feel is appropriate" in terms of payment; can you imagine that? I didn't think I was overpaying, but it was obvious that I was.

We ate dinner at Connie's Pizza in Naperville. I guess I should say "The restaurant formerly known as Connie's Pizza" because it's now a road house grill or something. This saddens me. Their pizza was great, but the best part was that for the rehearsal dinner, I finally got to eat UPSTAIRS. The upstairs section of the restaurant had been an enigma for me throughout my entire childhood. So mysterious! It seemed fitting that on the night of my wedding, I was finally allowed upstairs. Connie's knew I was an Adult.

I remember giggling with my girlfriend in the family room of my parents' house. I wasn't living at home at the time, but it seemed strange to sleep in the apartment with Patrick on our wedding night, especially after all of the lies we told to the Catholic marriage counselors. ("No, we're totally not living together.") . She was adorably pregnant with her first child and wanted to sleep on the recliner to support her back, so I slept on the couch and we watched old movies and had popcorn...

All that night, I kept looking at my hand, with only the engagement ring, knowing that in just a few hours, I would be wed to my best friend....

17 years ago I was envisioning and imagining and wondering about what our lives would look like. 17 years later, I am still envisioning and imagining but also remembering and treasuring all of the moments we've shared.

Sometimes, they really amaze me

So, that happened. My kid, in her first meet ever, got a first on vault, a first on bars, a third on beam, 7th on floor and First for ALL AROUND in her level/age group. Did I mention it was her first meet? Do you think that Patrick and I were kind of high for the entire day, riding off of her joy and our pride?

I was all prepped for the post-meet "It's ok that you didn't score in the top places! This is what makes you a better athlete! It's all about having fun and trying your best!" I was not prepared for the opposite to happen. I'm not sure why; she generally amazes me with her abilities and dedication and she really DID do really well at the meet. In fact, her entire team did well (her level got first place as a team, too!).

I think I need to stop underestimating my kids. My heart's intentions are to remind them to enjoy themselves, whether they win or lose. My hopes are that when they DO fall (and they will), that they get back up, over and over, and embrace all of the opportunities they can.

But I think I need to also remind them that they CAN be the winners...That it's possible to be encouraging to others while still striving for their own dreams.

I'm not ready!

I know what the calendar says, but I am not ready for Summer to be over... So here are some random pictures of camping in Michigan because I am rumbly and grumbly about the school year being in full swing in freaking September for the LOVE OF GOD and cannot be bothered to make sensible, meaningful phrases of words or to even put them in order. Because DAMMIT! I. Am. Not. READY!

We did a LOT of fun stuff; we truly did. But the weather in between all of the Fun Stuff wasn't always agreeable, so I feel robbed of the lazy, droopy days of summer...

I am so glad we were able to spend time with each other and family, though. (like being hugged by a cousin on the beach. Evan won't admit it, but he loves when she hugs him.)

Though we couldn't get into the sunshine as much as we wanted, we DID still get to feel its rays...

4/5 of my family adores the beach...

When your arms are held down by piles of sand, this might happen to you, too.

Yup. Singing and strumming in the woods with kids dancing with sticks around a fire. Sounds like a perfect way to spend a weekend to me...

Sisterly love ON FILM. (well, on DIGITAL, but "film" sounds catchier, yes?)

Isn't he attractive?

Shaking our booties to Girl Scout songs in the woods...

Submitting to YET ANOTHER hug on camera. (Again, he's loving it)

My sister and her youngest...

I'd like to know who told my niece she could grow taller than I am.

Isn't Michigan beautiful?

Corinne adores her eldest cousin.

Blueberry picking!

Guess which niece finally likes me? Yep. I am officially IN THE CLUB.

Sigh....

And here I'm saying "Take a picture of me because I want my kids to know that I was HERE."

Annual sister picture. I'm getting good at this angled selfie shot...

Love her.

Perfect way to occupy 4 kids without electronics: give them free reign over maintaining the fire and allow them to wander the woods, looking for extra kindling. HOURS WERE SPENT DOING THIS.

A leaf as big as her head.

Remember banana boats? YUM.

Spontaneous braiding train.

I swear to you, we feed him.

"Corinne, go do some cartwheels and shit on the beach so that I can take pictures."

"Do some more. We pay a lot of money for this, and I need documentation of where it's all gone"

A happy boy, indeed.

Notice the death grip on his arm? Yes, that means: "HOLD STILL so I can take a picture of someone with me so that I am in more than ONE picture this weekend."

Sisters and cousins... Awww.....

Dutch Oven Cherry Chocolate Cake: A valiant effort and idea that turned out to taste.... interesting.

Proof that I'm not the only dork in the family.

I guess I wasn't being so casual in my effort to cover my thighs for the picture. Sigh.

Telling stories and playing Telephone around the campfire...

And finally, let's end it all on a big old, banana boat smile.

I want more. I WANT MORE SUMMER.

With Liberty and Justice for All

Happy Fourth of July to all of my fellow Americans. Whether or not we agree with the original ideas behind the Revolutionary War; whether or not we feel that our government is fully just and honest; and whichever color crayon you use to shade your state in a coloring book; we can hopefully all agree that our country is one of high ideals and grand plans. We may not have the best delivery system of said plans, but in general, our hearts are in the right spots. We may not be 100% equal in the eyes of the law, but the efforts are there; we continue to grow and stretch our minds.

This country is a family. A huge, dysfunctional, vastly diverse family with all of the quirks and complications and history and love that families tend to carry.

And while I would love to change many, many things about this beloved country of ours, I wouldn't leave it for anything.

I am proud to be an American.

Someday; Just Not Today

It's 8:38 and I'm sitting in bed with my laptop on my knees, my husband beside me (who is watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives), and my dog at my feet.

Our elderly cat is cautiously circling the pillow behind Patrick's head, looking for just the right spot to guilt him into providing her more space than she has been allotted.

My ten year old son sits on the foot of our Queen-sized. Every few moments, he inches his way a little closer to the middle of the bed; hoping that we won't notice that he's not on the floor with his sister.

Haven't I mentioned that my youngest two children regularly sleep with Patrick and I? Haven't I mentioned that neither has slept in their own beds in, oh... Months???

Yeah. This was not "planned." This Family Bed idea grew organically (and sometimes it survived despite our valiant attempts to uproot it). But it has happened. It IS happening. And though I am occasionally resentful of the lack of privacy that this arrangement allots for our marriage, we know that Life will not always be this way. We know that the day will come (perhaps sooner than we think) when one of them will wander to their own bed and sleep there more often than here. It happened with our eldest. It will happen with our younger two. Someday they will be sleeping farther away than just a bedroom down the hall. Someday, we won't be moaning about feet in our face and 7 people crammed into one bed (2 adults, 2 kids, 1 dog, 2 cats. You do the math.*).

 Someday, I won't wake up to find them holding hands in their sleep...

Someday. Just not today.

*Pets are people too.