Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Unfair labor laws!!


This blog has been hijacked by Tracey's feet. We are in protest of the excruciating tasks we must undergo everyday, and will not perform our pedestrian duties until our needs are met.

We demand:
A professional foot massage.

A bubble bath.

A pedicurist that will NOT mangle our cuticles like that manicure lady did to Tracey's fingernails that ONE time she went to get a manicure.

Don't believe us? Look at the torture we must endure every day!!

Even on a summer day, she's up at the crack of dawn (7:30) to blog and drink coffee...
Then she decides it'd be fun to discuss the Forbidden City with Evan. I mean, HOW is that interesting to feet?
We were then forced into a mass of femininity. Forced to look the ugly truth in the toe: We are NOT attractive feet. We will never meet the high standards of feet set by Disney and Barbie. Must. Ban. Anti-feminist toys!!
Although, this wasn't much better...
Until the kids lined them up. Then just when we felt less anxious and began to relax...

....Mistress Tracey decided that a great spot to perch us for her picnic lunch with the kids was on this rickety metal bar. How is this orthopedically correct?? How are we supposed to get proper blood flow in such an odd position?!?

Annnnnndddd... It's back to the grindstone. Using US again when her hands would have sufficed just fine...

...Forcing us to hold her ungainly body on hard linoleum while she scrubbed the dishes. We say, "Make the kids wash the dishes! Their feet are younger!!"

We will admit that the whole science in your backyard idea was interesting, even though we never got to see what was on those slides they were looking at...

...and hanging out with the young peds while learning a bit of Mandarin was a nice break...

But then? Then she put us in our place again and forced us to fold 2 baskets of laundry!! TWO!

And when we found a dime? A lovely, shiny, newly laundered dime? A dime that we were going to put away to invest in some nail clippers or maybe sunless tanning lotion to cover our sandal stripes (because she doesn't care enough to sunscreen us!! Oh Noooo!!!)

She Took. The. Dime.


Then, we got the privilege of being perched by an oversized jar of pickles and some cranberry juice (doesn't everyone have those on their computer desk?) while she "took a break" and wrote a post for Root and Sprout. Though the article was fascinating, we will admit, we really would have appreciated a post about the unfair foot labor laws.

FINALLY. We finally got to go au natural in the grass.... Alas, it was just to do MORE work and fill the pool up for the kids!

But at least we got to be cooled off...

And then had to sit on the hard concrete getting COLORED on with chalk (the indignity!) while she observed the kidlets scampering about on the lawn.

And THIS was the view we got. Sooooo not fair.

Guess what? MORE WORK. Making dinner, while standing on us until....

Ahhhh.... sweet reprieve. Our lovely, lovely sole mates... Oh, how we missed you...

Damn. She just couldn't let a good thing lie, could she? Just HAD to check on the kids while the thunder boomed.... What's a little tornado watch? Eh? Come ON!!!!

Meh. Ok, they're kinda cute.

Especially when they're sleeping...

But this gives her no excuse for the unfair amount of work subjected onto us, her loyal feet. So, it is with great respect that we will announce our strike, beginning Thursday. We are sorry for any plans to hike to the park or library, but until our needs are met, crawling will have to suffice.


Tracey's Feet.

Tracey's hands would like to interject that they typed another lovely post for Chicago Mom's Blog. So, if this post hasn't scared you away, please hop on over and check it out!

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