Coffee Jello

There are times that I think I'm secretly living in a sitcom.

Who else is standing at their counter, with a laptop balanced on their stovetop, surrounded by dirty dishes while holding the fourth coffee cup of the day under their coffee "brew station" because the pot won't stop spewing coffee out onto the counter top? I am seriously holding a coffee cup under the spout as it drips. Wait. Cup #5, now. Damn. How much coffee do I drink every day?

Wait. I think it's done. I can start typing with BOTH hands, now. Right after I take all of these mugs and combine their contents in a big bowl. Yup. I'm going to be scooping my coffee from a bowl, today. Klas.See. Pinkies in the air, and all.

Yummmm... Nothing like a freshly brewed cup of coffee poured from a mixing bowl. It looks like a very scary jell-o mold. Now THERE'S a unique idea! Coffee-flavored Jell-o!

Updated to add:

It's amazing what you can find on the internet...

I loved this lady. I'd totally try that if she offered me a bowl.

Blech

Oh holy, holy, holy crap. 2 1/2 weeks till school, people. 19 DAYS. NINETEEN DAYS to prepare mind-tingling educational stuff with which to make their minds expand.

It's gonna take a lot more coffee and wine to make this happen...

Slurp, slurp. Speaking of coffee, I am indulging myself in a big mug of luke warm joe as I write. Nothing quite as mediocre as coffee that doesn't burn my tongue.

Heh. Know what I just did? I poured my coffee into a pot and cooked it on the stove. That? Is desperation.

Needless to say, I am searching for a new microwave because this situation will not be healthy for any of my children. Mama needs her caffeine!

My goal today is to stay away from my shiny computer box and get several more weeks of school lessons written out and planned so that we can start the year off with half the stress. One can hope, right?

Pfffttttt.....

My coffee pot is out to get me.

First attempt yielded hot water. After putting the grounds INTO the filter, it then sat there for 15 minutes, not brewing.

After pouring the boiling-hot water BACK into the spot where it has to bubble up and over (or something), it still sat there; not brewing.

It was then that I recalled every i.t. guy's words of wisdom and turned the damn thing off and on.

I now possess the most sought-after cup of coffee I've ever brewed.

Ahhhh.....

..........

Moments ago, Evan ran into the office and smacked me.

"WTF?!?"

Laughing maniacally, he dashed out screaming that I have the Cheese Touch.

It's looking to be a rip-roaring Monday!

In which nothing much really gets said...

I just deleted 3 posts in a row. Why? They all sucked. They all talked about nothing for extensive paragraphs. And since I'm not Seinfeld, a blog about nothing just doesn't work that well, you know?

Instead, a post about deleted posts. MUCH BETTER.

Dude. I need my coffee. Here's a topic while I fill 'er up: "Am I the only one who found it pathetic and hypocritical that we had a show on American Idol focusing on poverty and helping others (Awesome!) being HOSTED by people who make more in one day than most people make in one year?" Talk amongst yourselves...*


I'm back! The speed of the internet is amazing... Aaahhhhh... That's some good joe.

Ever crack yourself up, all alone? That would be me right now. Apparently the coffee is kicking in and FAST. You have to read between the post paragraphs to understand this comment. You see, my kids WERE asleep and I was getting 4 or 5 things done on the internet simultaneously because, well, because I'm a woman and that's just how we roll. Alas, they are now awake. So my multi-tasking will be finishing this post (most likely with a prepositional phrase or a dangling participle or something else that would make my English teacher cringe) and diverting them from eating candy for breakfast. Though, according to Good Morning America, that is what we homeschoolers do! (Well, they say that only UNschoolers do that, but really? Really it's PARENTS that do that; Parents who just want a damn cup of coffee in peace! Is that asking too much? Is it?!?) (FYI, 5 minutes later, after eating the bowl of cereal and milk that my 4 year old served herself, she is eating a popsicle. Heh.).

Shoot. I got distracted on a different tangent and time has passed. CURSE YOU INTERNET and your ability to let us go on tangents!!!

Side note. In walks Corinne, my youngest who technically IS unschooling herself: "Mommy! I got dressed and brushed my hair and my popsicle was dripping so I am eating it over a bowl. It's turning into orange juice! I'm going to go finish writing my book, now.""One girl went out on a date." (I love the binding. She stapled it and wrote this all on her own!)


"Isabella"

All on her own. I can't wait to see page #3!!

Edited to add: By popular request (1 person) I have updated with the final page in the exciting date story!!

"A chicken was crying."

Blink. Blink.

"Why was the chicken crying, Corinne?"

"Because he didn't like his feathers!"

Naturally. How silly of me.

"But why was he on the date?"

"Oh, MOMMY! He wasn't on the date!"

So much for the literary prodigy theory...



* FYI, I think that Idol Gives Back does some great stuff. Really, really great stuff. Please donate if you can! I just dislike using mega-celebrities to try and raise money. Unless those celebrities are actually matching dollars that are donated or something, I despise seeing them on fundraising shows.

Because a rooster by any other name would be a, well, you know...

Before I commence with this nugget of parenting gold, let me set the scene. My kids and I spent the day at our homeschooling group's weekly gathering. Today's theme was focused on China and its customs, so our kids did everything from cooking in the church kitchen (Justin chopped tofu and broccoli, though he ate only the almond cookies...) to making abacus*, to creating lapbooks with all sorts of tidbits about China. We had a really interesting time and came home loaded down with papers. Naturally, the most interesting item for my children was the Chinese Zodiac and figuring out who was born into what animal year. So, when a friend came over tonight to hang out for a bit, they just HAD to share the wealth. The conversation that was overheard is all the more hysterical when you take into account that they have absolutely no idea as to the double meaning of their words...


Justin: "Hey! I'm the rabbit. That's why I'm so fast and super speedy. Mommy's the dragon. That is SO cool. But it says she's 'eccentric'. "

Evan: "What's 'eccentric' mean?"

Justin: "Crazy."

Evan: "Ohhh. That fits!"

lots of laughter...

Evan: "I'm the horse! It says I'm attractive and popular! YES! But I can't marry the rat. Who'd want to marry a rat, anyway?" Squeaking and neighing filled the air as they pictured a wedding between the two animals...

"I'm a rooster! Mommy said so." Corinne needed no further information than this. She then bawked and did a chicken walk while the boys continued reading their different fortunes and traits.

Friend: "I'm a rabbit, too!"

Justin: "That's because we're the same age!"

Friend: "Oh, yeah."

Justin: "Mine says I cannot marry the cock."

Friend: "Yeah, that's our opposite. We should really stay away from the cock."

Evan: "Whatever you do, Don't go for the Cock!"

Corinne: "No Cock! No Cock!"

And on and on...

AND ON.

Meanwhile, their incredibly mature mother was doubled over her glass of wine** in fits of snorting giggles befitting any 14 year old. Because the BEST PART?

They have NO CLUE.



* abacuses? Abaci? I am too lazy to spell check. Much easier to write this addendum instead.

** Long day. A long day that started with me forgetting to drink my coffee*** and reacting poorly to the smoke that poured out of the kitchen at the church****

***I don't know how it is possible that I forgot to do something as basic as breathing...

****Not Justin's fault!

Ketchup on the weekend

Big yawn into my coffee right now.... I'm waiting for the water meter person to come and adjust our water meter reader thingy in the basement so that we don't get another $400 water bill. Heh. YEAH. That was a fun one to read! Thankfully, (THANKfully) it was re-read when Patrick called (and waited on hold for 25 minutes) and it's actually only $22. So, you know; a little more reasonable. ;)

Would SOMEbody please remind me that it is never ok for me to headbang at a grown-up party where the attendees all consume more alcohol than they are used to and then end up dancing around the living room to 80's and 90's rock? Also? Please remind me that it was never really popular to headbang to Cyndi Lauper, anyway... Oy. The neck! It's KILLING me!

And so I am yawning and groaning and waiting. And I am super excited that next week is Christmas break so the kids will be playing with neighbors and baking cookies and I don't need to make or follow through on a single lesson plan! It's funny that I'm just as excited about break as I was last year when both the boys were still in public school... You would think it'd be different, seeing as how I'm always with all of them anyway, but it's not!

We had a blast this weekend! Friday was spent in Chicago, eating at The Rainforest Cafe and watching The Christmas Carol in 3-D (FYI, it's not for little guys that are scared of loud music or ghosts that, you know, jump off the screen and into your lap. Not that my 7 year old had any problems with it and left the theater with his aunt, or anything...)
I am unaware as to why they all look like they're in pain. They were actually having the time of their lives!
What is with kids and their fascination with bunny ears? I have a sinking suspicion that all of my Christmas pictures are going to have bunny ears this year...
My dinner companion. Patrick's great idea to sit beside the elephants was awesome until we got to listen to them trumpet every 25 minutes. Also, for some unknown reason, MY seat was in a freezing draft that I didn't know was for just my spot until we were leaving! Literally, I was 10 degrees colder than everyone else...
Evan and Corinne were happy to see that the train at Navy Pier is inside for the winter...

I'm sorry, but there's nothing cuter than a little kid in enormous glasses!

Moments before the speakers blasted his eardrums and the screen shot freaky ghosts at him...

Wednesday Fluff

Whoooo doggy. I'm beat. From what, I dunna no. I am positive it has nothing to do with Evan's nightly nightmares or Justin's reappearance with asthma at bedtime. And it surely couldn't be related to the letters written below... (in green is Corinne's writing: "I will be nice." In the background is Evan's writing "I will not hurt my sister." I won't tell you which child screamed hysterically about having to do this punishment and which child happily took the writing utensil on their own to perfect her penmanship. Oops. I used a pronoun!)

It also has nothing to do with the birthday party on Saturday that I haven't planned a THING for (though Corinne wants chocolate cake with pink flowers pretty please. Can do. Can do...)

I'm sure it DEFINITELY has something to do with the fact that I am 100% out of coffee. I reheated day old stuff today and that? Is the end of my stash. There ain't no barrel to scrape and Thursday morning is looming awfully near for my taste...