Because I don't want that picture up at the top anymore...

Here's a much better pic. A "Cool Dog Ice Cream Treat". It was.... different. My kids liked them, though.

Messy but full of potentially compromising photo ops...

Wordless Wednesday

Dakota Bear
4/96-6/27/11

We'll miss you, you crazy cat.
Have fun knocking over glasses of water
and chasing beer caps in heaven...

This Sucks.

You never think ahead to the moment you'll have to say goodbye. When you're holding that squirming kitten or puppy in your arms, you can only envision the beginning; the good times. You never pause to consider what you'll go through when the pet you've owned for 15 years begins a rapid decline.I've never been on this side of pet loss. You know, as The Adult. The person who is supposed to make decisions and be strong for the kids. Dakota is still with us but Patrick and I are having the discussions this week about who to call and when to do it... and how to tell the kids.They know. We've been talking to them about his impending demise for about 2 or 3 months. It's been obvious that his body weight has began to rapidly drop off and his activity level this past week has made a sharp change. It was this morning, when I was bringing him a bowl of water and I spilled some on his head and he didn't even move to clean himself off, that it really hit home for me: My cat is dying.

The cat I've never liked too much (he eats plastic, pees on everything and would stand at the bedroom door meowing for as long as it takes for you to get out of your cozy bed and let him in) but have obviously loved. He has been more like a dog who fetches and plays than a cat that sat out of your reach. He's been the life friend of our other cat who will likely be lost without him and the playmate for Corinne when her baby dolls just aren't lifelike enough.He's a part of our family and this really, absolutely sucks.

Can't even think up a proper title...

I have felt so unmotivated lately.

I start a project, hoping to "get into it" only to find myself wandering the house aimlessly, project half finished and being scattered about by the children.

Patrick called me today on his way home from work to go show a couple of houses for his "hobby" as a realtor. (Obviously, he's pulling more weight in this family than I am...)

"Whatcha doin?"

"Meh. Just painting a stool."

"A stool? You're painting a stool?"

"I had no desire to accomplish anything important today, AGAIN, so I built the stool that's been sitting unassembled on my shelf. Since I had some blue paint, I started to paint it. So I'm painting a stool."

"Oh."

End conversation.

I KNOW. Riveting stuff, right?

There isn't anything wrong, I'm just... Meh. The sun hasn't been out, so I haven't been out. The kids are missing their friends that moved and have been grumpy and listless, so I'm grumpy and listless. And I'm unable to enjoy any project I'm working on, no matter how many I begin. I mean, USUALLY when I hack away at the growth that is our front "garden", I walk away from it feeling like a superstar! You should see the amount of vegetation I'm referring to - it's phenomenal. This week though? After 2 hours of clipping branches and pulling weeds and pruning flowers? Nothing.

No joy.

No pride.

Just... Meh.

I need a shot or a pill or something. It should probably be legal but I'm almost willing to try something that borders on the edge, just to pull me out of my funk and back into appreciating every single day I get to live on this Earth...

An Update

As a mom that homeschools, summer is my time to regroup, reorganize and rethink what and how I plan on teaching the next school year. So my past few days have been spent building shelving and pulling everything into one spot on my living room floor. There are piles and stacks and boxes and random pamphlets and scraps of paper with Brilliant Ideas scrawled across them. I am surrounded by clutter consisting of glitter, screwdrivers, flash cards and empty packing boxes. Add the recent Absolute Grounding of my middle child (don't ask) and I have had scarce little time to be online.

Amuse yourself with photos from our Father's Day BBQ at my parents' house. We had an absolute BLAST.
Justin's gotten SO BIG. I cannot believe that he's exactly as tall as I am...
Dads are experts at flinging children over their heads.
Patrick got quite the work out on Sunday! He tossed all 3 of my kids and a cousin to boot...
I was there! See me?
The Man I love. Happy Father's Day, indeed, baby.

The things they say..

How long have I been parenting? 12 years? You'd think I'd know better by now...

~~~~
Scene: Red minivan. Driving somewhere. Doing something. Can't remember. Doesn't really pertain to the "scene" anyway...
~~~
Evan: Remember when I didn't know how to say "asphalt?"

Me: No.

Evan: You don't remember? You don't remember what I used to call it?

Me: No.

Evan: It was so funny. And so BAD. You really don't remember?? (grinning devilishly)

Me: No. (You'd think I would have caught on, but I actually said the next line.) What did you call it?

Evan: It's bad. It's reallllly bad.

Me: (finally interested enough to turn down the radio) Do tell. What did you call asphalt?

Evan: (with incredibly well-timed, dramatic flair) Oookay. You said I could say it...

Me: (looking in rear-view mirror)

Evan: I used to call asphalt.... Ass-Cock.

Me: (guffawing) Yeah. That IS realllly bad...This is where I wish I could blame public school for his mouth. Sadly, it's all on our shoulders...

Me and My Big Mouth

This is what happens when you pat yourself on the back.

You end up with 3 children who are so outrageously misbehaved that you split in half and lose your ever-loving mind* and strip the entire household of screen privileges. No tv, video games, DS, or computer.

No computer. Entire Household.

Yeah. Slightly idiotic move on one mother's part.
(raises hand) (briskly slaps herself with it)

But we've been... quieter. Slower. CLEANER (yay!). We've been playing more board games and riding our bikes. There've still been oodles of arguments and I have taken to being incredibly stricter and swifter on punishments, but it's working. Shhhh....

So, if I don't get to your email too quickly or read your blog for another week or post a response on Facebook to something wonderful or horrible, this is the reason. I pray the lesson I'm hoping to instill takes root.
*what does 'ever-loving' even mean? I guess I could Google it. Meh. Not inclined. But why do I write it if I don't know what it means? It fit for the situation, though. Even though there wasn't much love in my heart at that moment.

I Want to Bottle This Day and Sell it Like Crack

Ever have a day where you look back and wonder at the awesomeness that is yourself?

Not to pat myself on the back too hard, but damn! I had an accomplished day! Especially since it was all just off the cuff. Even more amazing when you realize that, at 9:03 am, I was relaxing with a cup of coffee while my children slept in. At 9:04, my Facebook status read:

Ahhhh.. the first really unscheduled day of our summer! We are doing NOTHING and going NOWHERE...

And then, at 9:05 I realized that it was MONDAY and that Mondays in June mean basketball camp for Evan!!

I do believe I shouted a few profanities at this point.

Shockingly enough, all children were awake, dressed and fed by 9:55 so that I was walking out the door with Evan, Corinne and a bag of activities to occupy Corinne. Evan wasn't crying about camp and I was cautiously optimistic that he would make it through the class without getting upset and quitting. (Last week's class was a Parenting Fail. Let's just leave it at that.)

ANYway! Many shots were made, balls were dribbled and sweaty smiles were beamed at me from the court. I was incredibly impressed with myself, even though I hadn't showered and the mother next to me was looking quite lovely with her 4 perfectly coiffed children. Sigh... This was the only bump in the day though...

The day continued to be marvelous. I cleaned the counter that had begun to require its own zip code and found several pairs of missing sunglasses and nail clippers. I walked with all 3 kids to the park and then around the block just for the hell of it! (I KNOW!) Justin and I took our first nightly bike ride to encourage living a healthier lifestyle. I dog-eared several pages of Melisa's book, Chicken in the Car and the Car Won't Go, so that I can find the spots we want to visit this summer. Dishes were washed! TWICE! I watched Patrick and Corinne play soccer in the backyard while I weeded our garden. Kids have showered! Laundry has been done! I agreed to letting Evan have a friend sleep over because the house is moderately clean-ish and I am in a good mood. I even COOKED DINNER. All in the same day!

Somebody tell me what I did correctly. PLEASE. Please tell me what happened last night or this morning or with the moon that allowed me to end the day (it's only 7:34!) feeling so accomplished!! What is different? How do I replicate this forward-motion emotion?*

Alas, alas, alas**, Life is never that easily controlled or created. Today was today and tomorrow will be tomorrow...

*I think I need to trademark that line: Forward-Motion Emotion. I LOVE IT.


**Heh. It's still funny!

~~~
Garden 2011 Status: Nothing is dead. This is remarkable. A few wimpy weeds dared to make their presence known and met a fate worse than death. Well, maybe not WORSE than death, since they were merely tossed over the edge of the fencing to the grass where they will most likely re-root and grow again. But I WEEDED, damnit. This should be accounted for.

I Blame The Bloggess...

Seriously.

I mean, I hadn't had insomnia for a while until she posted about her own fumbling speech after sleeping became simply a "nice idea." I even had the audacity to remark to myself that I was So Glad that I'd been sleeping so well, lately!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Blogger! (smacks face into keyboard) (karma laughs)

The absolutely deafening cracks of thunder at 2:13 am didn't aid my slumber, either. Nor did the catapulting, quaking children that launched themselves onto my bladder shortly thereafter.

I settled the arguing youngest 2 (they honestly argued in their sleep) and flicked on the tube. Not that I could hear much above the rumbling outside my window or the jabbering inside my head. I let the infomercial follow my own internal narrative.

"Buy Zumba! You too will dance your ass back into its pre-child existence! In fact, you will dance yourself into a BETTER ass! One like ME! A professional dancer who claims to NOT be a professional dancer so that you will buy my Salsa dance video which is NOT a workout dvd set. Oh, no, no, no. It is DANCING so it is FUN so you will LOVE IT and lose weight without even sweating! Look at me; I am DANcing and I am not SWEATing! Come shake your bootie with us for the low, low cost of $99.95 (plus a piddly $45.99 shipping and handling). BUY IT TRACEY! YOU NEED IT! BUY BUY BUY!!"

Flip.

(I have workout dvds. They are in my cabinet. I'm sure they would work if I would, you know, continue to DO THEM.)

Selena was on which makes me cry every time. Her dad loves her! Her friends love her! Everyone loves her and she is still taken advantage of and MURDERED by a trusted fan!! I cannot handle true stories like that. Especially on 4 hours of sleep.

Flip.

Julie and Julia popped up. THIS is a story I can handle! A movie about a blogger who talks to famous people in her head and somehow becomes famous? It's like watching myself on late night cable. Except I am not a cute red-head who writes a cooking blog that becomes so huge that she has books and a movie about her. I also never lived above a pizzeria in New York. Other than that? We're like twins.

I Dream of Veggies

School is out and so is the sun. It's like Mother Nature realized she had left Spring on for too long and flipped the switch to Ultra Summer. It's HOT and SUNNY and I am grateful that we can afford the a/c this year!

This summer should also be interesting due to the fact that our next door neighbors are moving to Florida today. They were the neighbors that always lent me vanilla and watched my children at a moment's notice. My daughter's best friend since infancy and Evan's friend since he was 4 were their children and the gap that losing these friendships will leave is palpable. It's only 7:45 am and Corinne has already sighed TWICE that "..it's such a shame they had to move; they were good neighbors." So, if any of you have young kids and are looking for an affordable 3 bedroom home in the Far Southwest suburbs of Chicago*, please contact me. We need another set of Good Neighbors. Especially ones that stay stocked in vanilla.

At least we have my new GARDEN to keep my kids occupied:Evan, Corinne and I went to Ace yesterday and picked up tomatoes, peppers, oregano, parsley, and basil. I'm calling it our "Spaghetti Garden". After all of the work that we put into turning that sod over, hauling the dirt around and installing the fencing (mostly Patrick on that one), I can guarantee that we WILL harvest some vegetables this year. I had no idea how difficult it would be to set it up! All I can say is THANK YOU to my awesome husband for working all day long on Sunday. I LOVE IT! I continually peek out my window to check on it. Unfortunately, a garden is also a lesson in patience. This will be a tricky one for me. I even DREAMED about waking up this morning to find that the tomatoes had all sprouted 2 feet overnight.

Yep. I dreamed about vegetables. Feel free to inject the proper sarcastic remarks as you see fit.




*by "of Chicago" I mean "within 45 minutes of driving" because that's how we roll in Northern Illinois.

I got nothing but photo ops.

Not a single, solitary witty word is left within me.

Feel free to suggest captions for the following photos. I may or may not give appropriate credit where it is due, depending on how the mood strikes me. Right now my mood is screaming "BITCHY! DON'T BRING ANY PUPPIES WITHIN KICKING DISTANCE!" so I wouldn't get my hopes up too high if I were you.

Enjoy.Indy 500. No kids. Beer.

Chevy Tahoe. Also no kids. Alas, no beer. Alas, it is no longer mine to use...
(Now say "alas" several times in a row. It brings a smile to my face...)

Memorial Day 2011

The Tahoe again...

"NO! i do Not want to Play Right Now"
She may not always be friendly, but at least she can spell.

Chicago's Millennium Park and Art Institute field trip

Several cartwheels. No head injuries.

"I am too cool to play in a water fountain. I am TWELVE. Du-uuuhhh!"

Hmmm. I found a few captions, after all. This is what happens when Blogger requires so damn long to download (upload?) photos.

Also, it appears as though I missed my 5 year blogaversary. I had plans people. PLANS. This only adds to my overall bitchiness tonight. This calls for wine. Alas, alas, alas....