Seriously.
I mean, I hadn't had insomnia for a while until she posted about her own fumbling speech after sleeping became simply a "nice idea." I even had the audacity to remark to myself that I was So Glad that I'd been sleeping so well, lately!
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Blogger! (smacks face into keyboard) (karma laughs)
The absolutely deafening cracks of thunder at 2:13 am didn't aid my slumber, either. Nor did the catapulting, quaking children that launched themselves onto my bladder shortly thereafter.
I settled the arguing youngest 2 (they honestly argued in their sleep) and flicked on the tube. Not that I could hear much above the rumbling outside my window or the jabbering inside my head. I let the infomercial follow my own internal narrative.
"Buy Zumba! You too will dance your ass back into its pre-child existence! In fact, you will dance yourself into a BETTER ass! One like ME! A professional dancer who claims to NOT be a professional dancer so that you will buy my Salsa dance video which is NOT a workout dvd set. Oh, no, no, no. It is DANCING so it is FUN so you will LOVE IT and lose weight without even sweating! Look at me; I am DANcing and I am not SWEATing! Come shake your bootie with us for the low, low cost of $99.95 (plus a piddly $45.99 shipping and handling). BUY IT TRACEY! YOU NEED IT! BUY BUY BUY!!"
Flip.
(I have workout dvds. They are in my cabinet. I'm sure they would work if I would, you know, continue to DO THEM.)
Selena was on which makes me cry every time. Her dad loves her! Her friends love her! Everyone loves her and she is still taken advantage of and MURDERED by a trusted fan!! I cannot handle true stories like that. Especially on 4 hours of sleep.
Flip.
Julie and Julia popped up. THIS is a story I can handle! A movie about a blogger who talks to famous people in her head and somehow becomes famous? It's like watching myself on late night cable. Except I am not a cute red-head who writes a cooking blog that becomes so huge that she has books and a movie about her. I also never lived above a pizzeria in New York. Other than that? We're like twins.
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7 comments:
There's a solution for insomnia - but it doesn't involve children in the bedroom, for sure. :)
It works for ME, anyway.
I love that your kids argued in their sleep. Mine just whine in their sleep.
As for the Zumba ad... you are DEAD ON! Including the thoughts that come while watching. I always have to go count my workout videos to convince myself not to buy the NEXT GREAT THING (Zumba, P90X, ...).
So I'm thinking you, me, my girl, we should get together. Watch some of those movies together. Maybe end up snoozing on the couch under a blankie. Drink warm milk together. Get. Some. Sleep. Yeah, that would be nice, Tracey.
I'm sorry you're not sleeping, but sleep or no sleep, you are incredibly FUNNY. Like, totally grinning over here funny. So I'm feeling for you while at the same time grinning, which is kind of weird, don't you think? Like the sad face, happy face, sad face people do with their hand going up and down, like this. See? See how strange I look right now? Thanks for that, Tracey. That's a gift, you've got there, my friend. :)
You know, I've never seen that movie before. Everyone says that I should watch it but the previews just didn't interest me. Is it worth seeing?
Kailani, I love the movie! Also, I can't respond to you via email on the comments...
I'm sorry you are having trouble sleeping again. And too funny about the work out dvds!!!
I just gave away most of my workout dvds. They hadn't been used in so long that even the DVDs were starting to gain weight!
Hope you're able to start sleeping again!
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