Friday, June 10, 2011

I Blame The Bloggess...

Seriously.

I mean, I hadn't had insomnia for a while until she posted about her own fumbling speech after sleeping became simply a "nice idea." I even had the audacity to remark to myself that I was So Glad that I'd been sleeping so well, lately!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Blogger! (smacks face into keyboard) (karma laughs)

The absolutely deafening cracks of thunder at 2:13 am didn't aid my slumber, either. Nor did the catapulting, quaking children that launched themselves onto my bladder shortly thereafter.

I settled the arguing youngest 2 (they honestly argued in their sleep) and flicked on the tube. Not that I could hear much above the rumbling outside my window or the jabbering inside my head. I let the infomercial follow my own internal narrative.

"Buy Zumba! You too will dance your ass back into its pre-child existence! In fact, you will dance yourself into a BETTER ass! One like ME! A professional dancer who claims to NOT be a professional dancer so that you will buy my Salsa dance video which is NOT a workout dvd set. Oh, no, no, no. It is DANCING so it is FUN so you will LOVE IT and lose weight without even sweating! Look at me; I am DANcing and I am not SWEATing! Come shake your bootie with us for the low, low cost of $99.95 (plus a piddly $45.99 shipping and handling). BUY IT TRACEY! YOU NEED IT! BUY BUY BUY!!"

Flip.

(I have workout dvds. They are in my cabinet. I'm sure they would work if I would, you know, continue to DO THEM.)

Selena was on which makes me cry every time. Her dad loves her! Her friends love her! Everyone loves her and she is still taken advantage of and MURDERED by a trusted fan!! I cannot handle true stories like that. Especially on 4 hours of sleep.

Flip.

Julie and Julia popped up. THIS is a story I can handle! A movie about a blogger who talks to famous people in her head and somehow becomes famous? It's like watching myself on late night cable. Except I am not a cute red-head who writes a cooking blog that becomes so huge that she has books and a movie about her. I also never lived above a pizzeria in New York. Other than that? We're like twins.
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