The tooth that kept me up for 3 weeks...

"All right, parents! It's time to come and watch!"

I looked up from my pile of purple yarn that I had been tediously hooking and looping into a scarf for Corinne. The waiting room at the community center was emptying and it was time to watch our little girls perform what they had learned in the last 2 weeks in Jazz class.

There stood my own mini-dancer; arms raised and toes pointed and face... drawn into a frown? Weird. Corinne is usually thrilled to be dancing. I tried to avoid eye contact with her, lest the drama be validated, but her brown eyes found my blue ones and she began to wail.

She raced across the room into my arms.

"What's wrong?"

"My mouth! It hurts! My mouth hurts sooo bad!!"

I looked inside and, sure enough, there wobbled the second baby tooth she'd ever cut. It wasn't quite at the "hanging on by a thread" stage but it was definitely on its way out the door. I hugged her and reassured her. Somehow, between her favorite dance teacher and I, we managed to get her back in line to finish out the dance. She was miserable, but she did her jumps and taps and spins with the most pathetic face you've ever seen. Before the final note even ended, she was back in my arms, tears pouring down her face.

I peered into her mouth once more.

"Hmmm. It really is loose, honey. Let me feel it a bit and see..." As I said this, I did what all mothers will do at least once in their parenting careers:

I tugged. And I tugged hard.

And?

And the tooth didn't come out!

But the blood sure did.

Oh my LORD, you should have seen the horror on the faces of the little girls in that room as Corinne stood there with blood oozing from her mouth! I rushed her to the bathroom where her bawling echoed off the tiled walls. We staunched the flow of blood but the agony that she felt was more difficult to contain.

"I just want this pain to END! I want it out!!! Why is this happening to ME?!?!"

Now, I am not a mean mom, no matter what my kids will tell you. I don't LIKE it when my children are in pain, but the dramatics of a 6 year old are never-ending. Hearing Corinne scream over her current "pain" isn't anything new. So my sympathy was present, but not over-effusive. I'm sure that at least one mother was appalled at how I was just patting my daughter on the back and leaving her to clean herself up in the bathroom. Giving her attention was only going to feed the beast of Tantrums.

But Corinne had a second dance class that night and, while I'm not a CRAZY penny-pincher, I AM anal about paying for a class and then not attending. Do you know how much dance classes cost?? And that tooth wasn't coming out in the bathroom. At least, not without a blood bath. This hysteria needed to be abated so that she could do her ballet class! So we hurried home, where I gave her some "medicine" (leftover baby Tylenol) and dabbed a bit of Orajel on her gums. While rubbing her gums, I gripped that tooth and YANKED. And this time? I put some meaning into it!

"Aaahhh!!! Ewwwww!!!"

"What?What? Did that hurt?"

"Did what hurt?"

I held up her bloody, itty-bitty tooth.

"Oh! My tooth! Aaahhhh!!!"

She raced to the sink, poured a glass of water and began chugging it down.

"Does it hurt that bad?"

"Noooo!! It's that gel stuff! It's SO NASTY!! I can't STAND IT!!"

Rolling my eyes, I handed her the tooth. She grinned through her tears and around the glass of water.

"How much money do you think I'll get for this one?"

"No idea, but let's get going! Your ballet class isn't over yet and you still have time to dance!"

And dance she did. The little girls were all adequately excited over her new hole in her head and I was thrilled that there wasn't any blood on her leotard.

Still digesting...

Still digesting all that turkey, but we're into the full swing of Christmas over here including Lists to Be Made and checked (twice), halls to be decked (when not doing school or karate or gymnastics or dance classes...) and a marathon cookie-baking day that has filled my fridge up with about 6,835 calories.

Throw in about 300 daily emails (seriously! I am not this popular, folks...) and several inquiries for LTYM to be followed up on, and I'm feeling a bit bloated.

I need to surf the web but I have 23 minutes left to wash a crapload of dishes (yes. A CRAPload), brush my hair and get the kids off to karate. I think I need to play a game of Words with Friends first, though. Priorities, people. Priorities.

The Winner of the American Express Gift Card

Person #123 is the person who, naturally, has the name of "Won." Congratulations, W! I clicked to your site and have read your story. I am touched by the strength you and your son have shown and the love that continues to be obvious in your writings. I hope that this gift card will bring a moment of joy into your life.

Happy Holidays and congratulations!

Info on Random.org from their home page...

Hey Santa? I could use a router-thingy...

I have a 12-year-old.

I have 1 computer.

We don't have any Wifi or a router-thingy-job that allows you to have more than one person on the internet connection at the same time. So, if I want to go onto my lovely internet and tweetle-ee-deet or post magnificent words of inspiration on my blog, there is a 94% chance that I will need to eject someone (namely, the 12 yo) off of the internet.

I can hear the envy from each and every one of you just oozing through the cyberspace.

Typical scene in the house of JAMB:

Phone rings. It's Melisa! We need to chat about Listen To Your Mother. This requires that I be able to Google and sit in front of my screen for a bit.* Seeing as how I was already ON the phone, I used a fairly kind voice and somehow maneuvered my way onto my comfy office chair. (For the record, Melisa found all of these interactions quite amusing as her own boys are older teenagers in high school and college. For the record, Melisa? It's NOT amusing. So stop snorting.)

We chatted and Googled and fretted and planned and, when I finally hung the phone up, there was Justin at the doorway; Ready to pounce upon the computer and all of its loveliness.

I sighed and, quite selflessly, I must say, relinquished the computer to my child. But not before I had to clarify a few details with him:

"You DO realize that this is like, my JOB now, don't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my friend and I will be co-producing and hosting a show. This is OFFICIAL work, Justin. We have deadlines to meet and people that will be counting on us. I will be needing to be online when I NEED it, not just when it's convenient for you."

Moaning and groaning at the imposition this entire conversation is having upon him,

"A show? Like, on stage? What's it about?"

"It's called Listen To Your Mother. People will read about motherhood and being a mom and..."

"No thanks."

"Wait... what?"

"No thanks, I don't want to go." (said as he stares at the shiny screen, getting sucked into the web's oblivion.)

"Um, you're going. It's not a question I'm asking of you. It's an obvious GIVEN that when your mother PUTS ON A SHOW that you ATTEND."

Huge sighs and eye rolls. He even HARRUMPHED. I kid you not.

"What day?"

"It's not until MAY, kid. Plenty of time to not think or worry about it.**"

"Aw, MAN!! It's just... It's just that we're SO BUSY. I just want ONE DAY where we aren't doing SOMEthing!"

I maturely rolled my eyes and left the room. Reasoning with a 7th grader isn't my Biggest and Best strong point. I mean, I COULD HAVE said what I was thinking which was "Listen to THIS Mother, kid: You're going and you'll be wearing clean pants, a shirt with NO 'funny' sayings on it, washed AND brushed hair and, to top it all off, I am not allowing the dreaded Flip Flops."

We'll save that conversation for a day near May. Or until he reads my blog. Whichever comes first.


*Admittedly, "a bit" can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 3 hours. I totally understand his frustration and lack of belief in my reassurances that it will only be a "little bit."

**For HIM. Me? I'll be thinking about it quite obsessively for the next 6 months, I'm sure.

How Many Days Left Till Christmas?

Be sure to read allllll the way to the end for a Big SURPRISE!

This is the first year in the History of Tracey's Adulthood that I haven't had at least half of my Christmas shopping done by now. I usually pick up items through the summer and fall that I think will work out for any of my 5 nieces and nephews, 2 sisters, parents, in-laws, many grab bags, my own kids and my husband...

I? Am starting to FREAK. OUT.
Deep breaths...

I'm hoping that this unintentional procrastination will lead to a better experience, though. Like, I get all of my shopping done in 1 or 2 days, straight. It could happen, right? Right? It kinda has to happen, so it BETTER happen!

(All of this deep breathing is going to make me pass out...)

At least I know what I want to give to most of the people we love and purchase for. That is a HUGE step. And with our visit to the Chicago Toy and Game Fair today, we'll probably find many of the gifts we'll want to buy for the remaining children (and adults!). So I'm not totally freaking out. Yet. I mean, Christmas is supposed to be about giving from the heart, enjoying each other's company, and letting those you care about KNOW that you love them. All of that is practically free.

For some of the things that AREN'T free, however, I will be using an American Express card with Rewards Points. I am usually not a credit card person, only because it's never occurred to me that you can actually EARN free stuff when you use a card. It's been talked about for, oh, my entire ADULTHOOD on commercials and mailers, but I just haven't looked into it in great detail. The details are what sometimes scare this Cash User. So it'll be interesting to see how I fare and feel about swiping that bit of plastic through the swiper-thingy at checkout. I'm a bit pumped about it, actually!

American Express is currently working on a campaign to educate consumers about the benefits of shopping with purpose and doing so at small businesses. I felt like such a heel when I realized that I don't generally pay attention to whether or not I frequent small businesses. I just shop and I'll bet that most of my purchases are at large retailers. That kinda makes me bummed out. Sorry Small Businesses! I promise to use my American Express card at your locations this year! In fact, I think a small hobby shop with Dungeons & Dragons paraphernalia may be seeing me on November 26 on Small Business Saturday.

To help out even more shoppers, American Express is extending this gift card of $250 to one lucky commenter!*

It's easy to enter, but please be sure to follow all of the rules and use a different comment for each entry! Also, I MUST HAVE an email to reach you at! If I don't see an email on your comment or through your name's link, I will have no choice but to pick another winner and that would just STINK for both of us.

Mandatory Entry:

~ Tell me how you save money during the holiday season or leave a tip for us all on how you manage to stay within your budget!

~ Tweet this giveaway and link back. Up to 5 a day.

~ Write about this giveaway on Facebook and link back. 1 time a day.

~ Follow me on Twitter.

~ Subscribe to my blog.


We will pick the winner on Saturday, November 26 after 5 pm CST. If we're eating dinner, and I don't draw the name until 6 pm CST, then you have 1 extra hour to enter. Or 2, if we want to be honest on how long it can take us to eat dinner... Because that's just how I roll.

Good Luck!!


Important! I will use Random.org for the comment number to be chosen, so please be sure to write every entry on a SEPARATE COMMENT.

*No points are included.

Disclaimer: I received a $250 American Express card with 40,000 points to use during this holiday season. All views on my experience using American Express will be my own.


Comments are now closed. A winner will be announced shortly!!

If you don't see me for the next 6 months? THIS is why.

I must be insane. Well, I AM definitely touched in the head, that's a given. But my insanity must have been matched with off-the-charts hormones when I excitedly threw my name (attached to Melisa's name) into the hat for considerations to host the the Listen to Your Mother show in Chicago in 2012. And Ann PICKED US. Maybe it's Ann that's touched in the head? (silly me; that's also a given).

Crazy or not, This Is Happening. And I am beyond excited and a bit overwhelmed but so thankful for the opportunity and SO THANKFUL that I am doing this with Melisa Wells. Sending you a virtual fist bump, Melisa. You rock.

What is LTYM? You really don't know? Have you been living under a rock with that guy who didn't know that Geico could save you 15% or more?

Sigh... Well, Listen to Your Mother is the very groovy* show that Ann began in her hometown of Madison, Wisconsin (go cheeseheads!) in May, 2010. It was a group of writers speaking about their moms, being a mom, yo mama, you name it. It went so well that she expanded to a few more cities in 2011 with raging success. And now, for Mother's Day 2012, LTYM will be in 10 different cities across the nation! Go Ann! She's a genuinely kind and funny person, online and IRL.

So. Hoping to see lots of you Chicagoland writers at our auditions this year. LOTS. We need good, heart-rending, hysterical-yet-meaningful, material. Also, I think Melisa and I will need lots of good, fruity-but-not-too-sweet wine to get us through the list of 437 items that will be on our checklists...

*Yeah. I said it. You gotta problem with that?

A Letter to my Eldest

So you want to go to high school? Listen, Justin: I'll try to support you in whatever you decide, but consider the opportunity you have through homeschooling to develop into an adult without the pressures of The High School social mentality which (in my opinion) equals the death of individuality: at least for 4 years. If we were to poll all the adults in America, I will guarantee you that the majority of them would state that high school actually kinda sucked...

I hate to think that your confidence in yourself might be squashed before it has a chance to truly bloom. For no one and nothing can squash confidence and individuality like a couple hundred teenagers can...

Please don't get me wrong. My fear lies not in your ability to be strong against the forces of peers and their group pressures, but in the abilities of the entity that is High School to devour anything that rocks the boundaries of their definition of "acceptable."

College accepts and treasures that which is unique. In fact, it heralds it! But high school unfailingly succeeds in separating and segregating. In categorizing and labeling. Jock = popular. Techie = nerd. In high school there exists such a thing as a "social ladder" that makes me want to vomit.

There is definitely a huge value in figuring out how to defend oneself against bullies, snobbery, jeering in the hallways and getting picked on. And if you are one of the lucky ones who finds their niche in the social ladder, you might just find yourself nearer the top than the bottom, and so won't need to defend yourself at all. But do you WANT to know that there are people "below" you? Do you want to wonder if you should be a friend to someone who is considered the "most unpopular kid" in the class because of what that would do to your "standing"? Even if that kid is hysterical and kind and really, really "gets" you?

Maybe having to make that choice is what makes us stronger. But maybe having to make that choice is also what kills our ability to just LOOK at a person without judging them. To just introduce ourselves without a pre-conceived notion of their "coolness". I think that you have that ability right now. I think that you just see people as people, without wondering if they will like you or accept you. (which is exactly WHY they all DO like you and accept you!) I guarantee you that high school would make you question someone's social standing; at least once. I still hurt inside from the times that I was cruel to other kids; either from my actions against them (I wasn't a bully) or from my inactions to save them from taunting or loneliness. There are so many lonely kids in high school that could have used a friend, and I didn't befriend them out of fear of what others would think. This? This makes me cry as I type it, honey. It still hurts.

There IS no pecking order in homeschooling. We learn to learn, not to prove to some government group that knowledge has been attained long enough to pass their tests. The speed and velocity of what and how you are educated needs not be evaluated by strangers who have no emotional investment in your education.

Also?

Screw grades.
Screw tests.

I don't want you to be sucked into the vacuum of learning to pass, learning for "A's", and learning to judge based upon what is perceived instead of what you feel in your heart.

Don't think that I think that you "can't handle high school." That is absolutely not the case. Not at all. My worries are that you WILL learn to "handle" high school. That high school will "handle" and alter you beyond what I recognize as a funny, intelligent, unique individual. I worry that you seek this change because you feel as though you may be "missing out" on the High School Experience. Did you ever stop to think that by being homeschooled, you are privy to an experience that most teenagers would kill for?

Thank You

Thank you.

For every man and woman who has dedicated part or all of their lives to serving in the armed forces, thank you.

Thank you to my dad, for enlisting and fighting in the Army in Vietnam. For paying the lifelong prices that that service has cost you. For the pain and medical issues you've had to endure...
Thank you to my husband, for enlisting and serving in the Navy during Desert Storm. It's men and women like you who have helped to ensure America's strength and stability.I love you both.

I hope we all remember to thank a Veteran today.

Turn down the Bass!

I startled awake. Was there a man in my house? Holy Shit. I think there's a man in my house!

I check the clock. 8:04. Patrick is at work. So who the hell is in my house? I listen again.

There's Evan's high pitched boy voice, talking to the video game he's conquering.

There's Justin's bigger boy voice, slightly lower but still young, smack-talking to Evan about the beating he's taking.

Whack! Damn! There's Corinne, flip flopping in her sleep and causing physical injuries to all within her vicinity right beside me.

Rubbing my now-swollen eye, I pulled the covers to my chin (to protect myself from the potential intruder) and tilted my ear to the hallway.

There it is again! A definite, distinct Man Voice! There is a freaking MAN IN MY HOUSE! And he's talking about attacking... Soviet spies? What?

Holy shit, people. My 12 year old's voice has officially changed.

Don't blame my smile for your unhappiness

I am not Suzy Sunshine. I am not perpetually cheerful. I struggle with wondering what the hell Life is all about every day but I refuse to be sucked into a hole that will only become harder to climb out of if I ignore what I have to be grateful for. I thought that this was evident?

If I write about being grateful and happy with my life it's because I force myself to appreciate the small goodnesses that surround me. Despite my own personal pile of crap (we all have a pile of crap to shovel), I want to enjoy my life! We all have the ability to recognize the little things. If you choose to not focus on the good and continually wallow in only what depresses all of us, how am I to blame?

Now excuse me, but I have some cupcakes to frost and a little girl to play with.

Living in the Present

The corn is SO crispy right now. You can practically hear the stalks crunching as I type this, for the fields are being plowed at this very moment, securing corn for many cows and pigs and breweries across the midwest. Autumn always makes me feel as though we're living on the cusp of something Grand and Important...

A friend of mine spoke to me about the plans her family has for these next few years. The changes their children will be making in their studies and life styles feel so drastic and foreign. Planning for several years into the future sounds so simultaneously optimistic and stifling to me. The benefits are quite obvious, but having a set focus of distant goals often causes me to worry that we may miss a lovely side-track. Sometimes those meandering little paths are what bring the most joy in my life. Choosing a direction we'd like to travel into is a given and we do know where we're generally "heading", but there is no Set Destination for our family. I don't see as how there truly could be.

Sigh... All of this talk of the Future! It takes away from my contentment of our present. I truly don't mind discussing The Future and the What Ifs it contains, but I know from experience that Life has its own agenda and rhythm. I am not of a mind to wonder about tomorrow when today is so lovely and sweet... Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow will come and those tomorrows will bring the wonderful and the devastating as Life sees fit. All I can do is to try to cover our butts as best we can and let the rest go.

It's absolutely beautiful today. I am sending out my lovely, sweet thoughts to everyone who is struggling through the trenches of Life. I hope the balmy warm breezes of Illinois find you, lift your spirits, and take away a bit of your pain...