Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Who knew the Hallmark Channel could be so inspiring?

Freakin Hallmark movies at 3 am. Making me think and shit. Not about the movies, because they're like paperback trash for t.v., but about Life.

Oooohhhh!!! With a capital L and EVERYTHING.

Isn't it amazing and mortifying and chest-clutchingly incredible that the most minute decisions can alter a life's entire direction? I think back to moments where I LITERALLY turned left instead of right and changed the course of my life path, simply by bumping into someone or witnessing an event. When I chose to pick up the phone and accept a job, I was led to meeting Patrick. I once selected chili instead of a sandwich at the zoo which gave me food poisoning that led to the discovery of a massive tumor on my ovary, right as we were discussing the idea of baby #3. When I made that rash decision to begin a blog 5 years ago, "just to keep a journal", I never knew it would lead me to dozens of friends that exist not only online, but in my day to day, physical life. I wonder how the actions I am taking right this very moment will influence my tomorrow, my future, and my family's lives...

Because they are, you know. They're all important. Nothing is too small to discount. Every person we allow into our hearts or hold at a distance becomes a thread in our life's tapestry. Every moment of gratitude for the goodness we see around us, or desperate plea for mercy from the devastation we are struggling through is what fuels the events of tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow... Even in death, our influence and mark remains; through the children we raise, the works we accomplish and the energy our presence has had upon the Earth.

I sit here absolutely awestruck at the enormity of the world, the insignificance that one person can seem to have upon it, and the reality that each of us is capable of immeasurable possibilities... I am so grateful to have the love that surrounds me. For my family and friends. For each of you that reaches out and brightens my day. I am content with my life but not stagnant. There are hopefully countless adventures in my future. But if today were my last in this body, I can honestly say that I have no regrets.

This is the stuff that goes through my head, night after night after night.

And now you know why I can't sleep.
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