Thursday, March 08, 2012

411

Desperation won. Cracking beneath the strain of new motherhood, I balanced my infant first born in one arm as I shakily dialed those three little numbers that were the Google of the 90's.

Hello, this is Information. How can I help you?

Hi. Um. Heh. I really need a number for a group... for moms? Do you have anything like that?

Sure. City and name, please.

Heh. I, ah. I don't know a name. My home town is Small Town, Illinois but I can't find any groups for moms and I just wanted some, um, help? Can you help me? Please?

Baby Justin begins to fuss. I jostle him in the universal baby dance that all mothers seem to learn without lessons. He quiets and I can feel the tears catch in my throat.

Please? I really, really need.... friends.

She's quiet. I can honestly feel the pity through the phone.

I'm so sorry, but without a name or city listing, I can't really search for you...

Isn't there any way? Anything you can do? I'll try anything... a baby group? A play place? Somewhere for mothers to meet?

I'm... I'm sorry. No.

Oh.... oh. Thank you, anyway....

The connection lost, my heart breaking, the loneliness closed in and the weeping commenced.

~~~

I was utterly alone in my new motherhood. Well, not utterly. I had plenty of family who loved me. I had friends who adored my son. But there wasn't a single, solitary soul who was home during the day to talk to. There wasn't anyone who was marching through the infancy stage with me. Justin was rapidly nearing his sixth week and I was rapidly approaching my return to the office. Torn by the overwhelming desire for human contact and the primal need to stay with my baby, I was a gigantic mess of hormones and mood swings.

I am so grateful for the Internet. What I wouldn't have done for its instant connection to similar people and similar issues.

I love you, Internet. You beautiful, shiny, brilliant creature.

Muwah.
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