Insomnia.
I know! It's the topic that keeps on giving.
It was about 2:30 am last night and I changed the channel. Aha! Social Network was on. Hadn't seen that, yet.
Yes, I know that television doesn't help you to fall asleep. It's a stimulant. Got it. No need to remind me. Why do I keep it on, then? Because it's as silent as a tomb if the t.v. is off. And my brain? My brain is annoyingly noisy.
Last night, mere moments after I valiantly switch off the tube and lie back in bed, eagerly awaiting slumber...
Ahhhh... Can't wait to fall asleep. Big day tomorrow! Great America! Can't wait to watch the kids have a blast and feel the wind on my own face. I wish... Wait. What's that noise? Is it the fridge? I bet it's going to break again. Damnit. Wonder if we have to buy a new one? Can we afford that? It's awfully expensive. We couldn't possibly have enough money to buy a new fridge AND go on the vacations we've got planned. We shouldn't spend so much. We definitely have to start saving like maniacs RIGHT NOW. Why is Patrick always asleep when I have these revelations? Gah. He's snoring, too. Is that a new rattle to his snore? I wonder if he's developing a reaction to all of the years of smoking?
I put my head on his chest and listen.
His heart sounds... healthy? How the hell is a heart supposed to sound?!? And how am I supposed to HEAR it over his damn snoring? God. What if he died? What if he died right now, in our bed, and I have to live without him for decades? And raise the kids alone? Oh My God. He has to STOP SMOKING. Right NOW.
Nudge, nudge, smack.
Of course, we're all going to die. I'm okay with that. I just want to be the first one to go. Do I really have the strength to live after any of my family dies? Mothers and Wives do it all the time, even though it should be impossible. I need to stop focusing on anything that isn't about happiness! Why do we all fret over appearances and routines and the STUPIDITY of society when we should be wildly spinning in fields of daisies or climbing ancient trees and being FREAKING PEACEFUL!!! Nervous twiddling of fingers.... Holy Shit, I have to change the topic! Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon...
Why can't I Just SLEEP?? I want to sleep. I do! hums a little lullaby... I remember when I sang that lullaby to Evan. Such a sweet baby! Never slept alone, though. Still doesn't! I shift to avoid Evan's stinky foot which has crept up to my face because, naturally, he AND Corinne are in our bed. We really should have sprung for that King Sized bed. I mean, Pat's 6'5". Why did we go for the Queen, anyway? Oh yeah. The cost!
And I'm back to money issues and the circle and cycle spins on and on and on...
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13 comments:
Now listen, I have thie EXACT SAME DISORDER and the noise in my head can be downright painful if I don't give it something else to focus on. You may have seen me over at Helena's talking about this, but listening to either music (and I don't mean metal, you rocker), or Old Time Radio stories help me fall asleep fairly quickly. I mean, unless I get involved in whodunit on Dragnet or get distracted wondering if I'd be reduced to being a hooker if I lived in the Old West on Gunsmoke.
If you want more info, I am happy to share my sources. It really helps & might be worth a try.
Yep. I'm a weirdo. Lucky for you, I'm a proselytizing weirdo.
Sorry to hear about your sleeping woes. Me? I can sleep standing up! LOL!
I used to stay up with my own ongoing cycle of fretting, often with a big old knot of anxiety in my gut at the same time. Then, I'd wake up in the morning and most of the stuff I worried about would seem mostly okay. I do know and hate that feeling of wakeful worry. I'm not in insomnia mode right now, which is nice. Haven't missed it. Hope you get some peaceful zzzz's soon.
Lock the bedroom door. Hump like bunnies until you're both exhausted. THEN go to sleep - with a smile on your face.
Oh boy! Remind me again why I started following our Blog?
This was fun!
Thanks. m.
I'm so sorry you're having trouble sleeping, but this made me laugh! Laugh Out Loud, actually! I think I laugh because I can relate! I've had those nights when I can stop thinking about EVERYTHING and every little noise makes me wonder "what's leaking?", "what just broke?", "could someone be breaking into the house?", "what was THAT?"....I hope you're able to calm your mind and get some much needed sleep soon! :o)
Your rant on what goes through your head when you're trying to get to sleep is EXACTLY why I turn on HGTV when I get into bed. I know what I'll be seeing is a rerun of something I've seen or don't care to watch, and I'll be able to tune it out- but not so much that I hear my thoughts.
Thanks for that- very entertaining.
~SortaSuperMom
http://confessionsfromboystown.blogspot.com/
Um. Tracey, how'd you get into my head? On insomnia stretches like yours my mind is just the same, or should I say like that squirrel in that movie, the one who has all the caffeine and does all these things in human frozen time. You know the one? That's when I spend hours and hours in Blogland, or reading strange goings on in Celebrity World, or watching movies deep into the night. Because I know bed will brew thoughts like yours. So I stay away.
Must be 'specially hard when there's a toe in the face, too. Have you ever thought of climbing into their bed, when they're all in yours? I've done that sometimes. When all the mouth breathing and wriggling gets too much. I've startled my kids the next day, when they've come in for fresh clothes, by yawning and stretching from one of their beds, having had a sweet, solo sleep.
Your going to not-sleep thoughts are incredible, fantastic, WILD. You could power a city with them, I think! Yeah, tell your hubby to stop smoking. That'll make one less thought. :)
Sending hugs and sympathy and empathy and all sorts of other, I'm with you girl, thoughts. Hope it passes soon. (Oh, I also take a herbal sleep supplement, and sometimes drink warm milk. Just some more ideas to cram into that head of yours!)
I had this, only once: right after the birth of my first son, and I tell you, it was awful.
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I feel for you.
Would a yoga DVD help?
My niece swears by it.
In response to your comment- LOL! Yes, EVERYthing they do is louder. Its not just that, though- their TOYS are even louder! I'll never forget my oldest's first b-day party- trucks with sirens, airplanes with working laser guns, laser guns that made obnoxious sounds...
And what did my nieces all get on THEIR 1st b-days? Books, dolls (silent), tea sets, barbies...
I think toy companies are setting us up for hearing loss, lol.
Thanks for the read!
~SortaSuperMom
http://confessionsfromboystown.blogspot.com/
Oh Dear Lord I am soooo sorry you aren't sleeping.
Please smack my husband and get him to quit smoking too?
See you in San Diego--where not sleeping means MORE FUN!
This is hysterical! I go through the same thing at night even though I'm exhausted. Sometimes I stare at the clock realizing that my little bear will be waking in the next hour and I'm still awake, wasting precious sleep time. I've actually counted sheep... That seems to work... Sometimes.
-Leiah
www.leiah-roseyglasses.blogspot.com
It's tough isn't it. And just when you manage to clear your mind a go to sleep, the rest of them get up.
I'm a very recent victim of insomnia and I hate it.
Plus problems always seem more serious when you're alone with your thoughts in the night.
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