Monday, May 02, 2011

They, They, They...

There are a lot of things that "they" never tell you before you have children.

They never tell you that you'll forget what it's like to have an abundance of free, silent, Alone Time.

They never tell you that you will eventually look in the mirror and say "Meh. Good enough." as you head out to WalMart with 3 kids in tow, wearing 2 day-old jeans and a ratty pony tail. And that you'll actually Be OKAY with this situation!

And They never tell you that raising your own child will mean that you will also have to participate in raising the children of your friends and neighbors. That, for your child to have friends, you have to navigate the murky waters of Other People's Children. OPC are an entity to themselves. They have the ability to keep you awake into the wee hours of the morning, fretting over the politics of "Who was right, who was wrong? How do we encourage them to work things out without overstepping our bounds? Why am I worrying about 9 year old friendships to begin with and when can I go back to sleep*?"

They never tell you that you will feel every slight, every cut, every disappointment more keenly as a bystander than when you were young yourself. All the wisdom in the world can't give my kids the knowledge that only comes from first-hand experience.

It's been a period of lesson-learning in the JAMB household. I am hoping with every fiber in my being that this particular lesson of cooperation, empathy, and kindness is absorbed by my middle child. It'll be a long and lonely summer, otherwise...


*Answer: In about 18-20 years. Give or take. Then again, college and marriage and grandkids will surely keep me up at night...

18 comments:

LceeL said...

I hate to say this, but it doesn't get much easier until they move out - and even then ...

Lisa Noel said...

this is sooo timely. we are dealing with friends big time right now. I want my kids to have friends but why does it have to be so hard to find good ones!!

Melissa said...

So very well said . . .

Brandie said...

So so true. There is just so much THEY never tell you! And navigating the friendship things with the kids can be hard for sure.

Adrienne said...

lol no they don't tell you those things. I think if they did tell you these things we would never have kids. Of course, you can never even conceive how good the good things are until you have kids. :) they also never tell you that you will NEVER get to sleep in again.

IncidentalDomestic said...

They also never told me that getting a squishy hug and a sloppy kiss from a little person could be so unbelievably healing and melt away frustration and anger like it's sugar in water.

They never told me that I could feel a love that flows and flows and NEVER. ENDS.

They never told me that my love for my children would help me understand God's love for us -- something I couldn't quite grasp before.

I actually called my mother four days after I had my first child and asked her WHY she didn't tell me that this was going to be so amazing. She told me that I would not have understood.

Now, I know what she means.

I don't know what the heck I am doing, but I know I was BUILT for this (ratty pony tails aside heh heh).

Tiaras said...

don't forget that run to Walmart is most assuredly without a shower in 2-3 days as well! hee hee

JJ Keith said...

Oh man. I figured I'd finally gotten out of the world of worrying about these small interpersonal conflicts being a SAHM who avoids other mothers, but you're right. I'm just not there yet. But someday I won't get to choose my kids' friends based on which kids have fun moms. Some day I'm going to be up at night all the same. OPK here I come.

apathy lounge said...

You speak much truth. Indeed, my kids are 17, 21 and 22 and I STILL worry. It never stops. Ever heard the old quote that says: A mother is only as happy as her least happy child? That's what you're feeling right now. Godspeed, fellow mom!

Tonya said...

sometimes don't you really want to meet these "they" people?!

Amanda said...

So, so true! Every syllable.

Notcathy@ Happy Nappers Review said...

I love every sentence you wrote this article.. Soo true.. Very well said.. Keep safe!

Help! Mama Remote... said...

My mom didn't tell me. She cursed me! She said, "One of these days you'll have children & they'll pay you back!" Ugh LOL

Michelle said...

Yeah, but if they did... well ok so we'd probably still have them. Poor kids!

we are reilly said...

I told myself I would never, NEVER leave my house without make-up on. I have struggled with acne my entire life -- even into adulthood and I swore I would NEVER be seen outside of my house without make-up -- but, you know what THEY never told me that I would get to a point in my life, as a mommy, that I WOULD leave the house without a shower (x2 days -- which may also mean not new underware, clothes I wore yesterday, the shirt I worn to bed last night, etc), hair pulled back for all the world to see that I need a dye job -- with a sparkly pink hair tie I found in my daughter's drawer.....AND NO MAKE-UP and I didn't flinch!

It was/is a very freeing feeling to be able to leave the house without the burdon of make-up and all that it covers up -- I think it was covering up more than just my facial blemishes. AND -- guess what? People STILL talked to me -- I guess I wasn't that hideous and scarey after all :)

INTERNET MARKETING said...

Absolutely RIGHT!!!
There is just so much THEY never tell you! But we can tell now.We can tell that we attend 24/7 job without day-offs but we're paid well and paid the most.By our children sweetest embrace and kisses when you make them happy.A genuine smile after tasting your homemade caramel cake. The most caring touch when you got fever and colds.We can tell that being a mom is the most fulfilling experience that life could ever offer us...

Playtex Bras said...

They will never tell you that this post is very sweet and touching! :-)

daryl said...

Some people are just natural with kids, others take while becoming great. Love is all you need in the end. Daryl Patalinghug California Escrow Service.
Daryl

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