"Do we have an attic?"
"Why do you ask?" (picturing her climbing into the crawl area in the boys' closet. I've managed to hide that little storage spot from them and intend to keep it that way.)
"I just want to know!"
"In my closet, way up high, yes."
"Why is it up high? Does it have anything in it? Can I see inside it?"
"Because they made it that way. It's empty. And no."
"Because it's not for you."
"Because I SAID so. Now let me drive."
"Is the devil for real?"
"What do you think?"
"Billy* says the devil's for real and he will GET you if you are bad."
"Get you? Well, Billy's family believes in the devil and the Bible. Everybody's different. You are allowed to believe whatever you want. What do you believe?"
"I don't think the devil's real."
"Fabulous. Let me drive."
"Why don't we store anything in our attic?"
"Aaarrrggggh!! Because it's up high and it gets too hot and I don't want to mess around with it. I am a basement person. I store in the basement, not the attic."
"Why does it get hot?"
"Because the insulation and circulation are all screwy up there and if you ever DO go up there without an adult you could get stuck and suffocate and DIE. Now LET ME DRIVE!"
"Did you know that if you put a plastic bag over your head, you can die? Even little kids, Momma. If a little kid puts a bag over her head, she will DIE. Did you know that, hmmm?"
"Holy hell, child. PLEASE be silent, for just a few minutes, please?!?"
"Isn't hell where the devil lives, Mommy? In hell? So, is he real after all? And why are you a basement person? Don't you like the summertime? I like the summertime. You can go swimming in the summertime and eat popsicles outside. Did you know...."
I really need to get another radio in my van.
*not his real name
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