Friday, June 04, 2010

I dream of Babies...

I awoke with my hands on my stomach, looking for the phantom baby that my overactive brain conjured up during the wee hours of this morning's sleep. No baby. Despite the highly detailed, unnecessarily specific dream that plagued me last night; No baby. Just an empty womb and no chances of ever reliving that miracle again...

Not that I want another baby*, but to be cursed with the ability to vividly recall one's dreams isn't always a blessing. Sometimes, I'd just like to wake up without any knowledge of what went on in my brain during the night. Occasionally, I'd enjoy a blank slate. Just blackness from 10 pm to 7 am, please. That sounds like absolute bliss...

Instead, my lot is to remember everything; Every zombie and vampire that chases me through graveyards. Every detail of every maze I get lost within. Every natural disaster that occurs, leaving me frantically grasping for my children's hands as a twister/earthquake/flood tries to pull them from my reach.

Nothing like a good night's sleep.

Is it any wonder that when I actually DO dream of good things, I get royally pissed off? I mean, dreaming about a hurricane sucks. But waking UP and finding out that everyone is alive and that you still have a home makes me count my blessings and breathe a sigh of relief. What do you think my reaction will be when I awaken to find out that we DIDN'T win the lottery and our finances HAVEN'T been eliminated by a pile of stocks and bonds that we "forgot" about? Where is the payoff when I wake from having a sweet dream about a baby that will never exist? When I can physically feel a child in my arms and look into its eyes and fall in love, it doesn't matter that this child was only a dream; I still ache for it...



* I do. I always will.
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