I awoke with my hands on my stomach, looking for the phantom baby that my overactive brain conjured up during the wee hours of this morning's sleep. No baby. Despite the highly detailed, unnecessarily specific dream that plagued me last night; No baby. Just an empty womb and no chances of ever reliving that miracle again...
Not that I want another baby*, but to be cursed with the ability to vividly recall one's dreams isn't always a blessing. Sometimes, I'd just like to wake up without any knowledge of what went on in my brain during the night. Occasionally, I'd enjoy a blank slate. Just blackness from 10 pm to 7 am, please. That sounds like absolute bliss...
Instead, my lot is to remember everything; Every zombie and vampire that chases me through graveyards. Every detail of every maze I get lost within. Every natural disaster that occurs, leaving me frantically grasping for my children's hands as a twister/earthquake/flood tries to pull them from my reach.
Nothing like a good night's sleep.
Is it any wonder that when I actually DO dream of good things, I get royally pissed off? I mean, dreaming about a hurricane sucks. But waking UP and finding out that everyone is alive and that you still have a home makes me count my blessings and breathe a sigh of relief. What do you think my reaction will be when I awaken to find out that we DIDN'T win the lottery and our finances HAVEN'T been eliminated by a pile of stocks and bonds that we "forgot" about? Where is the payoff when I wake from having a sweet dream about a baby that will never exist? When I can physically feel a child in my arms and look into its eyes and fall in love, it doesn't matter that this child was only a dream; I still ache for it...
* I do. I always will.
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9 comments:
Me too, love.
I'm a detailed dream rememberer, too. Sometimes I don't quite realize it was a dream. I've been very angry at my husband for an entire day before realizing that he only made me mad in my dream, not in real life. Poor guy.
Awwww I haven't yet had a baby dream yet, but I just had one sooo...yeah. Not ready for another one yet!
However, I remember in high school, I'd have shopping dreams, and I'd come home & hang up all my new clothes and then when I'd wake up in the morning, I'd go to the closet looking for them, bc it was SO REAL. lmao
Me too. The good, the bad and the ugly. I remember them all. In vivid detail.
Sometimes it's awesome, sometimes a curse.
I'm actually nursing a baby and I'm still bummed that there won't be any more babies. I'm all set on toddlers and older kids this evening, but sad to know that the womb is closed for good.
Left unchecked, I would clearly have as many kids as Michelle Duggar.
I have crazy detailed dreams. Great, long, epic dreams. Sometimes they're scary. Sometimes they're just weird. Very few nights pass that I don't have a big dream. My mom doesn't dream. I'm not sure I would want to never dream, but I wouldn't mind a quiet night here and there.
There won't be another (grand) baby for me either, until my youngest is ready. Oh how I love the babies!
My dr. is pushing permanent birth control. I cannot do it. I know we'll never have another, but I too have the phantom baby dreams and it feels so good for those fleeting moments. I will go to my grave wanting to have another baby.
I can't even remember the last time I dreamt about anything. Maybe I'm just too exhausted or maybe it's because I'm constantly waking up with the baby. I'm not sure if not being able to dream is a blessing or not. :-)
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