February, eh? I've made it through the first third of the winter darkness.
I am a bit quiet about that this morning. I mean, 1/3 of the way through some of the crappiest weather means that I still have 2/3 left to go. (See mah math skillz? That's talent. That's pure, homeschooling TAHL. ANT.) Isn't there a rodent that's supposed to have a big celebration today? Shoot. A GOOD homeschooling mom would have had an art project and word find and shit for groundhog's day. Fabulous. I suck. Maybe I can dig out some brown paper and felt. They can make a rodent for the window. Because nothing says "Festive February!" more cheerfully than sticking a furry critter that lives in the dirt on your front window...
Pardon me while I chug my coffee. And eat homemade bread. Yes! I made bread. I watched Food Inc. and will now be paranoid about antibiotics and "unpronounceable food" for a while. Bear with me while I write about attempting to be more "natural". All that in addition to finding a cheap way to humidify the house (dry skin! breathing issues! all because of the lack of humidity!!), dress from the current decade (keep your husband interested! Don't let yourself Goooooo!!!), maintain the laundry, pay most of the bills, help the starving children, and organize the million and one other tiny details that constantly run through my head. (Thanks to late night/early morning t.v., I am exposed to waaaaaay more "causes" and "issues" that a conscientious person is "supposed" to be attentive to. I now have so many issues in my brain that I can't fully devote myself to ANYTHING...) Is it any wonder that I am perpetually awake at night?
Too much. I have too much in my head. I would like to wake up in the morning and KNOW what is expected of me without having to be in charge of it all. You know what I'd really like? I would like to be thanked for the stuff that I do: The homemade pizza and bread on Sunday. The hour spent wrapping a damn arrow for Justin's Cub Scout award. The mountain of laundry that I have managed to hack away at after 3 weeks of not being able to do it. The schoolwork I prepare, the fights I break up, the countless hours that I AM patient and kind (and not having them all wiped away by the loss of my temper after weeks and weeks of being "On" every hour, every day).
You know what is bugging me? I thanked Patrick for changing the cat box, yesterday. Why did I do that? He didn't ask to be thanked. He didn't deserve to be thanked. It was, after all, just the cat box. They are our cats and they needed to be cared for, so when I said, "please change the cat box" and he took care of it, why did I feel compelled to reward him with praise? My rudimentary psychology knowledge knows that it is because I am looking to be praised. I want him to look me in the eyes and say "You really ARE doing a good job." This year has been a big change for our family and I feel I have succeeded in some ways and am floundering in others. Overall, though, I know our year has been decent. And without a paycheck or review or a gold star to stick on my wall, I am feeling quite dreary this February 1st. Where's my damn gold star?!?
Of course, having pounded these words onto my keyboard has alleviated much of my Monday morning stress. Though I'm not quite "chipper", I am definitely more willing to get up and make a worksheet for Evan, lay out the paints for Corinne, and prepare myself for Justin's complaints about his workload (more Algebra! A new science lesson!).
Either that, or the coffee has finally kicked in.
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22 comments:
Aw . . . I totally give you a gold star for all that you do. Keep it up, because you really ARE doing an awesome job!
Hey Mama! It's been awhile. I think GH day is tomorrow. So that will buy you a little time to prepare rodent crafts.
Here's a deeper look into the psyche of praising men for things that we do ALL THE TIME and no one notices: They are all emotionally two years old and if we don't throw a parade in their honor every time they happen to change a poopy diaper, well, there's no hope of them ever doing it again.
Sorry, I am feeling quite snarky. Illinois weather sucks. Also? I lost 4000 words of my future book to a virus last night. The SUCK.
You ARE doing an awesome job; every time I read a post about everything you juggle I am impressed. But I totally get that you want to be validated for it, even just a little. Like maybe once or twice if it would be too much, Husband? KThxBai?
Yeah. I get it.
Mox, it's actually not HIM that's asking for the praise. It's me that feels the need to lay it on. Not sure why...
You know what? You DO deserve thanks. Thank you for writing this blog and for the honesty and humor that goes into each post. You are a rockstar mom in my world, mama.
PS: Food, Inc.? Terrifying! I watched it last week and yeah, I'm making big-time changes over here too. Kudos to you for making your own bread. I used to make my own pre-kids and now I am starting again. Can you share your recipe?
I used a bread recipe from the Better Homes and Gardens red book. It's decent, but not fluffy enough (yet) for my kids to think of it as sandwich bread. HOWEVER, I intend on working on it and trying to make the fluffiest bread ever.
"I have too much in my head. I would like to wake up in the morning and KNOW what is expected of me without having to be in charge of it all".....holy crap I was just thinking this same thing today!!!
I say this to my hub all the time and he just doesn't get it...why, why, why!
Are you supposed to say "Happy Groundhog Day"? I'm not American so I don't know. I do remember watching that movie when I was younger though. Anyway, I hope today IS a good day. You are doing a great job, it's a shame that most of the time us mothers are not thanked for all that we do. But rest assured that you ARE doing an awesome job, especially with the home schooling - you amaze me!! xx
You ARE an awesome mom who DOES deserve to be thanked for all you do and the devotion behind it. I think it's okay for Moms to teach their families to say thankyou. One way to do this is to actually start thanking your family for the good things they do... like cleaning out the litter box. It's a total win-win!
We thank our men because we want them to feel good about doing the task and to do AGAIN!
Meanwhile the thanks are few and far between for us. It is a thankless job. Our rewards are not verbal but no less tangible: happy husbands, well-adjusted kids, well-kept(if not always perfectly tidy) homes.
You are a great mom and wife!
BPA, MSG, LCD, FOIL ... Between food and algebra and just plain mothering, there is too much in our brains. But I agree with the other commenters that you're doing a heckuva job. I'm glad I stumbled on your blog!
You are doing an AWESOME job, Tracey. Homemade bread? I have never made homemade bread in my life.
The winter blahs are getting the best of me too. Spring - could ya get here already? And don't worry about groundhog's day. Get a brown paper lunch sack, cut out some white paper circles for the eyes, draw on a nose and mouth, and call it good.
We PA folks think Groundhog Day is a desperately underrated holiday.
Someday your children will say thank you. It most likely won't happen until they have children of their own, but it'll happen.
Easiest way to humidify a house? Fish tank! Inexpensive these days and it could easily double as a biology project for homeschooling.
And, from one paranoid broke mommy to another, it often costs less to make your own food too!
[I wanted to be really cool and make little alt code stars here, but it isn't working and I now give up. so, um, pretend it's a gold star... *...]
You're doing a fantastic job Tracey.
I often thank Hubs for doing regular stuff around the house too. I think I do it because I do appreciate any help, and hopefully it rubs off on him to thank me every once in a while (it does, he does).
Making bread can be so good for the soul. When I need to have some thoughtful moments, 10 minutes of kneading seems to do the trick. And get those kids involved! You can turn bread-making into a lesson...chemistry, biology, home-ec!
It is the most thankless job on earth - for sure. I often rant and rave about this very thing around my house and still - still -not a soul feels the need to thank me for all the laundry I do or crumbs I sweep up off the floor. You are not alone in you madness or frustration. There is some comfort in knowing we are not alone - right?
Take care Tracy - Kellan
It does seem like too much and yet before you blink an eye your kids will be grown up.
It's interesting, as a grandma, to see that you are facing the same issues we faced 30 years ago.....
I really believe in saying thanks for anything someone does to help me and if I am helping myself I thank myself! Honest - it makes me feel better. You are doing a great job - tell yourself today and every day.
Groundhog day?
Oh my gosh! I forgot.
Thank you, because just like all the other mom's reading this post, you have just put into words what it is to be a SAHM who's trying to do it all.
Sounds like you are A- OK!
And I'm dying to know the punchline. A ground hog walks into a bar and..... what? For the love of God, what happened?
I hate having to thank my husband for things he should be doing in the first place. Like when he takes out the trash, he's all "I took out the trash," and waits for me to praise him. But do I get a thank you when I do the dishes? No.
ugh we all have days like that. hang in there girl you will get through this.
it is a man thing not to praise I think. Some get ones who do though. Its kinda like my husband asking me "how do I look". "great" I tell him. And he says "ok good". And walks away,umm hello standing right here with makeup on and not in sweats!
On a side note did I ever tell you I loathe winter! Godd thing I am moving to where it is warmer buts rains everyday. No happy medium for me I guess
Would you quit writing posts for me? It's kind of embarrassing. It truly is the little things - like being thanked for the endless and EXHAUSTING crap we do every day all in the name of doing what is right for our family. But, you can keep writing the posts, because I want to write, but whenever I'm inspired the piles of laundry call or one of the three kids call or I forget what I'm supposed to be doing next and lose momentum.
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