Because...
I just want to say, it's ok to say that you like being a stay-at-home mom. It's ok to not jump on the bandwagon and nod your head and say "Hear! Hear, mah sistah!" when another mom talks about how haaaard it is to be at home and how much she misses her "sense of self" that she felt when she was "working." It's OKAY to not agree to being soooo looooonely or soooo unfulfilled or soooo dissatisfied with where your life is at! It's ok to say "You know what? I actually like being home. I actually do feel acknowledged and appreciated (most of the time). Despite the hardships that my job of being a SAHM (who homeschools!) creates, I completely understand that the hardships of being a mom with a job outside of the home are not the lifestyle I wish to live."
Guess what else?
It's ok to say the exact opposite. It's ok to not have to JUSTIFY why you work. It's ok to say that you adore your job and don't fret over your kids when you're at work. It's ok to feel secure about the care they receive from your spouse, relative or other daycare provider. It's ok to acknowledge that you LOVE being a working-out-of-the-home mom.
It's ok to be satisfied with what you have.
I've done the "working mom" thing. Honestly? For me? It sucked. Every damn minute I was working sucked. I loathe the idea of ever having to re-enter the workplace while my kids are still within our home. But I can also understand how you could hate being a SAHM. I get it. However, for me? I am NOT JEALOUS. I might envy your material possessions a bit, but I don't take for granted what I have as an at-home mother. Not one single minute.
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24 comments:
Ultimately, I think it is about finding what works for you. Whether it is staying home with your kid(s) or working outside. If mommy isn't happy, it's awfully tough to make anyone else happy.
I love this post. Thank you.
Such a great post. I was actually talking about this same thing in my Bible Study the other night...I struggle with feeling like I have to justify my choices too. I feel like moms tend to put pressure on other moms.
Holy Cow woman! So, I've totally spent the last half an hour trying to figure out which popular mom blog you were talking about. And I'm searching and searching and Number 3 on blogtrepreneur.com is you! Didn't know if you had seen it last March or not. I was all self involved in first trimester nausea and you could have had a party with elephants and I wouldn't have noticed. Congratulations!
http://www.blogtrepreneur.com/2009/03/25/top-50-%E2%80%9Cmommy-blogs%E2%80%9D/
SUE! I didn't link it because that was their space! You stalker...
Anyway, YES! I know. That list is weird and I don't know how I got on it, but I'll take it!
I wish this competition between working and at home moms would just go away. I'm tired of people not *really* believing me when I tell them there's nothing I'd rather do than stay home. I'm also tired of working women feeling like they have to somehow justify the fact that they work. As if working women love their children less. Come on! I agree with CaraBee - it's about finding what works for you and your family. I wish we could just leave it at that.
Anyway, great job once again; I love your honesty and eloquence.
Have a great weekend!
I wish, hope, and dream of being a SAHM...but we just can't afford it. I feel like I should love my job more, but having a child has changed my definition of success. Why should any mom have to defend her choice to work or stay home? Different strokes for different folks!
I agree with you. I am happy as a SAHM, but I don't condemn others' decisions to work. It works for them, and that's fine with me. I find that I don't often get the same respect. I hate hearing over and over again, "If I had to stay home, I would tear my hair out." "He's not talking because he's not around other kids in daycare." etc. I respect others, and just wish the same was rewarded to me.
Great post, Tracey. Every mother is different, every family is different, every personal home situation is different. You have to do what is right for YOUR family, nobody else's. I just wish the debate would END. Nobody is "better" than anybody else because of the choices they have made in this area. We are all doing what's best for us and our families. God knows we have enough guilt about a million other things, we don't need MORE guilt from other mothers about such a personal decision. We all just need to support and encourage each other!
Well said. I tried being a working mom for awhile, and it just wasn't for me. Before my son, I was a career orientated woman. Had to be on top, would put in extra hours. Then I had my son and couldn't bare being away from him. What was he doing while I was at work? I wanted to be there for all of the "firsts". When my son was about8 months old I quit my job and have not looked back. But on the other hand, I have a best friend who works full time and goes to scool, while having a 1 year old. And she loves it. I guess it's just what works best for each individual and their family.
I enjoyed your post. Thanks. As a stay/work at home blogging dad (or is that groggy dad) I get it about the "explanation" thing. Thanks again.
And this choice extends to all aspects of parenthood in which there is a "blame game," I think. From how you plan to deliver, to breastfeeding, to vaccines, to raising kids, to schooling kids, etc. To each her own. To each family, their own. Do what works for you.
"Hear! Hear, mah sistah!"
I can't find a job thaqt's why I'm a SAHM. I feel like I get flogged for this admission.
Grass is always greener, right?
Ummm... I think that I may have developed a little bit of a crush on you after reading this! :) *blushes*
Thank you for this post. I read the other blog, and went "meh" and sorta stewed, then moved on. I just wish that I received as much respect for my choice as I give to others. Thanks again for this. :)
Shockingly, I don't feel the competition from others. I've done both and don't love either. But I love my boys and I think that me being home with them, picking them up, dragging them places, maintaining the continuity is part of what I signed on for when I went off the pill eight years ago.
This is what I do. It's what works for us. For now anyway.
I agree whole heartily with you. Though some days I love my at home position and some days not so much but over all I LOVE it and wouldn't trade it for the world, you know?!
Seriously awesome post.
Nicely put......I have been on both sides of that fence as well. it all comes down to finding what fits into your own family dinamic right?
I totally agree with you and we're lucky, in 2010 to have the choice to work outside the home or not. I'm just sad that some people still judge those who have made different choices. My blog is called Occupation: Housewife not because it's what I think all women should do, but because it's what I do, it's my occupation. Thanks for the post! xo
I'm a Mom of two and I work full-time, but I work from home as I have my own business. Our oldest goes to playschool all day, our youngest is here at home with a nanny. This is the best arrangement for all of us - it works with our lifestyle. We're all happy, we're financially OK with this arrangement and we know how lucky we are. Not everyone can get the right balance,so I appreciate it so so much.
And I have no judgement about women who work outside of home, or women who stay home and don't work at all... it's what works for you and your family. Right?
I agree wholeheartedly. Everyone's approach is different. Some women need to work because of financial issues, and would kill to stay at home.
I am on paid mat leave for a year, but as soon as that is up I will have to work again because I am a single parent. I don't feel guilty, because I have to provide for my child. But, I don't like it, either. If I could stay home with him, you can bet your booty that I would...but, unless I win the lottery between now and September 1st, I am out of luck.
Great post!
AMEN sister! People ask me often, "don't you wish you could stay home with your kids?" and I say "NO", I am the best mommy I can be by working. I always say you will know what you are supposed to do when you get to that point. I know I am not fabricated to be a SAHM and I don't fight the fight. I LOVE my job, LOVE working.....but, then again, I work part-time, so I do get to be home with my children 4 days out of the week and work 3 days.
So, for me, it works and I am a better mom because of it. I don't envy SAHM, I PRAISE them -- you are a special person and you are fabricated to be the best mom you can be and for you that means SAHM and homeschooling.
Although, I do envy the homeschooling...I would LOVE to do that, but once again, I am not fabricated with the patience and emotional strength to homeschool. I admit that and am comfortable with who God created me to be -- just the right fit for my family! :)
You said it all. I agree 100%.
And, oh how I've missed you!! I'm catching up ;-)
Awesome post,I went back to work when our first son was 6 months and hated every minute of it and was miserable everyday. Luckily since then I have been able to stay at home even though we've had to make other sacrifices because of it (likew staying in a smaller home, being more aware of what on how we spend our money, and not being able to buy certain things we may want) I wouldn't trade it for anything and I know how lucky I am to be able to have the choice. Every mom needs to do what works for her and hopefully others will not judge her either way because of it, but be supportive because I think working or staying home are equally as hard in there own ways.
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