I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not what you expected.
I'm sorry my emotions don't fit with your plans.
I'm sorry I can't make-believe all the time...
I'm sorry I expect too much
too quickly
too often...
I'm sorry my heart can't be tucked away
underneath unpaid bills and ragged movie stubs...
That my corners aren't neat and sweet...
That my font is blurry,
that my ink is low...
Because
Sometimes?
Sometimes life is twisty and curvy and filled with dotted lines.
Sometimes my heart is conflicted and bleeding and held together
with scotch tape and coffee breaks.
Sometimes the solution isn't black and white.
When did Life become a freakin Connect-the-Dot puzzle?
And when did it become so hard to remember what number is next?
Do you ever find yourself living a stage of your life
that you know will be a period you repeatedly reflect upon
when your gray hairs outnumber the brown?
Do you ever fear that you will harbor regrets
over chances not taken
and dreams not followed?
Do you ever stare at the silhouettes
cast upon your curtains
and see the faces of those you love?
Do you see them wondering why you wonder?
Why you evaluate and contemplate?
Do you see them wondering why this can't be enough for you?
You know what? I hesitate to post this. I hesitate because I wonder at the response. I hesitate because, though I want this for myself and my own memories, so that I don't forget or sugar-coat different periods in my life, I know that people will think what they want about what I write. And right now? I don't know that I want to hear it. My therapy is my blog. My writing may not be brilliant, unique or even moderately good, but it's MINE. And I need it. And it's REAL.
And so I hit publish.
Posts
Poetry Month in our Homeschool
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Sure, you *can *force a kid to read a book. Any book, actually. But you
*can't* force a child to love to read. You can't push and push literature
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11 years ago
19 comments:
I totally understand why you posted this. My blog is the same way for me. It provides more than a place for funny or heartwarming stories. We aren't all happy! happy! joy! joy! all the time. You won't be scaring me away.
Fantastic post. Really.
:-)
I completely get why you posted this. I have one collecting dust in drafts while I try to figure out if I dare post it--too many people who know me read my blog now. *sigh*
There's nothing wrong with wondering. Life is hard.
seems like you do understand...and so do I...
Yes.
I think we all get it. Glad you posted it.
you sound like you are in a place I was a few months back.
Writing is a therapy so you do what you need to do!
I think it was a fabulous piece.
I completely and utterly disagree with you Tracey.
Hmm, that got your attention didn't it!
Not about what you write but that your writing is not unique or brilliant.
I am going to yell now, because I want to make sure you hear me.
YOUR WRITING IS BRILLIANT, UNIQUE AND HAUNTING. ALWAYS PUBLISH.
Got it? Good. And I also send you exactly one million hugs because I so get how you feel. We all do at times. It's okay and you should express it.
Your writing is REAL and it's yours. That counts more than anything. Keep on.
Blogs are awesome therapy! I love all your posts. You are very clever and a GREAT writer. Big hugs to you!
It's your blog. You can do what you like. And, btw, I like the poem.
We're not here to judge, we're here to share, commiserate.
We're here to read and by doing so, hopefully take some of that weight off your shoulders.
We're here not because we necessarily understand or relate, but because you are justified in your feelings.
Blogs can't always be upbeat and heartwarming. You reflect reality and I'm glad for your posts. Thank you Tracey.
Just so you all know, I didn't write it to make everyone tell me they like me. (though I do love that, naturally) I wish I didn't have to qualify myself with this comment, but I do.
What this is NOT is unique. What it IS--beautifully written. I was nodding through the whole thing because I totally get where you are coming from. We've all been there.
Thank you for your honesty...you write what we all feel sometimes but might be too embarrased to say. Reading your post, well, I get it, and it makes me feel a little more normal...and a little less guilty for feeling that way sometimes.
Wow, I guess Monday was not a funday for anyone. You know I feel you, sister. Some days it is just so hard. I wish there were easy fixes. That our problems and worries could be erased with the flip of a switch. I, WE, are all here for and with you.
And never hesitate to publish, you are a wonderful writer with amazing and insightful thoughts to share.
Love it! :D very very true doll
This is an awesome poem. And, apology accepted by a mom with same thoughs all the time :)
I wrote something with sorta the same idea for an essay contest I entered a while back, and have been meaning to find it (oye!) and post it on my blog. thanks for reminding me :)
thank you for sharing and keeping it real and for the honesty. I think there are a lot of us that can relate to what you were feeling...and it's ok to have those feelings and emotions, because they're real and they're you, and you own them. Hugs.
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