Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Queen of Digressions

So, this is what parenting a "pre-teen" will be like?


I thought boys were supposed to be easier than girls, though?

Even better. I can hardly wait till Corinne is 10! Just get that yearly subscription to the wine of the month club for me, now!

Just a tad hormonal over here. Add Justin's fluctuating temperament to the financial difficulties and Patrick's problems with maintaining his working hours and you end with a fabulously happy Tracey!

I'm feeling pretty spent. Physically. Emotionally. Financially. Spent. Spent. Spent...

While Justin and I really, truly had a pretty good time at Mammoth Cave, I found myself a bit disconnected. If he was hot and grumpy, I tried so, so hard to remain calm and let it roll off of my back. I actually did a damn good job of it, even when the tent fly got completely twisted on top of the tent, and it was HOT and Justin was whining that we should just leave it and go swimming because, you know, he's HOT and that's not good. We managed to get it untangled with the help of a kindly third person (yes, it was a MAN, but I am not going to say that a guy was necessary for our tent to be raised properly. We did it ourSELVES and only needed the help of someone taller to untangle that darn hook!) . I even let the male angst he had over "stinking at mini-golf" roll off my back, even though this trip was costing more than I had to spend. We were able to manage the vacation only by the skin of our teeth and the extreme generosity of several friends and family members. I wasn't about to let a tiny tantrum spoil it.

But the good stuff? The good stuff made the angsty stuff worth it. He said, more than a few times, "This is the best vacation, EVER! Can we come back? I don't want to go to Florida or Wisconsin Dells; I like this BETTER!" We went swimming and watched a movie in the park. We made s'mores over the campfire that Justin built, all by himself. (This is a big deal. Usually, there are grown men who also like to play with fire that take over. Justin lit the matches, fed the tinder, and built it up. Definitely a growing-up moment...) We went to bed a bit early to read a book together by flashlight. We went careening down a mountain side on an Alpine slide and raced each other around the smallest but most scenic go-kart track I've ever seen. We found a man with cheap firewood and geodes that he had dug out of his property, all for a buck! And we spent over 13 hours in the car together (there and back) just talking, arguing, laughing, reading, and singing...

Ten years ago I was a new mom. I am now entering into a second decade. A bit seasoned, but I still feel too undercooked to be ready for these next stages. Is anyone EVER ready for their kids to move on though?


Urgghh... Here I go again; "My life isn't perfect and I want to make it slow down and speed up and start over and move on all at the same time and I can't figure out why these desires can't go hand in hand..." Why do you keep coming back to read through my trivial difficulties? I am no different than millions of other women my age. (Dang. I just realized that I HAD to type "woman" as I am 33 and that does qualify me as a real "woman" and not just a slightly older than average 22 year old...) I mean, don't get me wrong, I NEED you to come back and validate me. Obviously I do, otherwise I'd turn off the comments or make this a private journal for only my own evaluations. And my writing is sporadically decent. I may make a good point every 3 or 4 posts, which leaves for a lot of fluff and mediocre posts.

Don't mind me. It is almost midnight and I am unable to fall asleep alone again. Well, I'm not really alone. The kids are all in my room and 2 are in my bed. This does not always allow me to feel like I am ever ALONE, but it does make me think that we could easily move into a 2 bedroom apartment and make it. Why DO we have all of these extra rooms, anyway? To hold all of the stuff that we don't need?!?

Moving along now. It's time to get some sleep before I don my bathing suit in front of parents I know really well from Cub Scouts. This should be fun. It's really the highlight of every summer. Truly! Knowing that people I get to talk to on a regular basis get to see my thighs absolutely MAKES MY DAY.

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