Saturday, September 06, 2008

Just don't ask.

If you're moaning and moping over your lack of suitable attire for a bridal shower, trying on pair after pair of "dressy" pants (really, just khaki pants that aren't too wrinkled) that don't fit and are out of style ANYway, and searching for a shirt that the What Not to Wear fairy magically left in your closet, do not ask your 9 year old how you look in a froo-froo dress with flowers on it. Unless you really WANT to know how your 9 year old feels about your wardrobe choice...

Mom - Hey, kiddo. What do you think about this dress? (Spin, spin. Smoothing blue flowers down and hoping my butt doesn't look too big. Hint, tell Mommy how pretty she is...)

Justin - Welllll..... I don't really like it. I don't think you really look good in dressy clothes....

Mom - (trying not to burst into tears because, really? I really don't look good in this dress but it's the only thing I have that is remotely suitable.) What do you mean?

Justin - I just think that you aren't a fancy person, you know?

Mom - (blank stare)

Mom - Um, oh..... Oh.

~~End horrible conversation in which my son gave me his honest opinion and it wasn't something I wanted to hear.~~

I rummaged through everything. EVERYthing. I tried on Patrick's shirts, and even tried knotting the ends like we did in the 90's. Yes. I was THAT desperate. And, NO, I don't have time or extra cash to go shopping and even if I did, I would have to bring 3 kids with me. One of which was sick yesterday and is still exhausted and complaining of a sore throat and EARache.

I managed to find a pair of pants that didn't make my butt look 3 times bigger than it is (which, incidentally, is funny since it already IS 3 times bigger than I'd like...) (but not funny "ha ha" more like funny "better to make a joke than to cry"). I also scrounged around and settled on a blouse that isn't TOO unflattering. Just the outfit! Perfect to make me feel flabby and out of date. Yay....

Every year. Every FREAKIN year I go through this! Especially when a dressier occasion presents itself. For I have no NEED for fancy clothes and therefore never BUY fancy clothes so the only fancy clothes I HAVE are old and too small. I do believe I will purge, big time. Between that and painting the bathroom, I should remain occupied while Patrick is out of town.

Wah, wah. At least the pants I found are a looser cut. More available space for extra treats that I can use to drown my weight woes with...

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