Monday, June 16, 2008

Yet another thing to worry new moms over...

Michelle at Life with Three tagged me for doing a meme about your scariest memory. Seeing as how I always forget to do the memes, I am impressed with the fact that I am following through here, so let's just take a moment to pause and applaud my amazing abilities, shall we?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

And NOWWW (drum roll on the desk tops) Tracey's Scariest Moment!!

You know what? It's hard to just pick ONE moment. Life throws them at you all the time. But I instantly thought of the situation where I called 911 for the first time in my life...

Corinne couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 months old... It was spring or summertime, as the boys were outside running through the sprinkler and I had the windows open. Yet, as I looked through my archives, I couldn't find any mention of it! This strikes me as odd... there must be some reason behind it...

I digress.

I was on my family room couch, getting ready to nurse Corinne. She latched on, but gagged a bit. (Unusual...) She reattached and then started choking. As her eyes bulged and her mouth stretched wide, I could see something white stuck to the roof of her mouth. Instantly, I swiped her mouth. And Again. And again. But nothing came out! In fact, I could see it slipping back further and she continued to "Ack! Ack!" I wasn't panicked till she stopped making that noise. Then I knew: this is serious.

For the first time in my life, I ran to the phone and dialed 911. I know basic CPR. I know the Heimlich maneuver. But my concern here was that I had an idea of what she was choking on, and it wasn't coming out easily...

You see, earlier that day, the boys had been playing in a large box. I had received something in the mail (probably gDiapers) and they were making it into a fort. I allowed them all to play in and on it, thinking that the worst that could happen would be a bonked head or box papercut. I failed to notice the gluey plastic that was smeared on the box to hold the packing slip on. The kids were picking at it and having a ball, and when I turned around, it was everywhere! So, we cleaned it up, threw it away, and that was that.

Well, apparently not. I was 99% sure that Corinne was choking on a piece of soft, flexible plastic-like, hardened glue. And I knew that no amount of Heimlich would pop it out. And it was flat against her throat and disappearing further each second.

I'm telling you now, that 911 operator was awesome. I am usually really good in an emergency. I can handle all cuts, hurts, etc. But when something is so bad that I need to call the paramedics? Man... That lady kept me talking. She reassured me of everything I already knew (Corinne wasn't blue, was starting to cry, and could breathe). And she got those firemen there within 3 minutes. Thankfully, by the time they arrived, she had stopped choking and seemed to be ok. Those guys stayed for a bit, to calm me down (as I had lost it by now) and to recommend calling our pediatrician (which I did and we have the BEST doctor in the world as he was incredible).

But in the moments afterwards? Once the men had left and I was alone with my baby girl? As I rocked and cried and stroked her head... The visions of what might have been, what could have been, and what nearly were made me ill. I'm getting nauseous just recalling it all... The whole thing couldn't have lasted more than 30 minutes, but I have such vivid memories....

... the boys' faces. Their eyes wide in fear as they clutched the screen door and watched their Mommy sob with firemen in the kitchen...

... watching the fire truck pull up in front of MY house. Knowing that they raced through traffic lights to get to MY child, for MY emergency...

... having to state the first words over the phone, "My baby is choking on plastic, and I need an ambulance!"...

... the phone call, later on, to my husband. Explaining to him, over his voice mail, that she is fine. She's FINE, but I had to take her to get x-rayed and I really needed him and I'm scared, and she's fine, I swear, but I'm just so scared....

... holding her down for x-rays. Positioning my boys (in their swim trunks, still) behind the safety door and feeling so overwhelmed. So grateful. So exhausted...

Honestly, the whole situation was and is a bit like a movie. I can see it. I can remember it. But it couldn't have possibly happened to me, could it? And then I replay the other possible endings that the day could have had...

And then I need a drink.

Well! This was a lovely way to start the day, Michelle! Thanks bunches... I think I'll go put a swimsuit on, to continue with my mood, and not even be embarrassed of my white, lumpy thighs cuz you know what? All of my kids are here with me. And I am GRATEFUL.

This was poorly written and I'm not even gonna edit it, cuz I don't want to reread it again. I'm supposed to tag 5 people, so I'm waiting to hear all about the scary times from:

Alex from Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting

Beth from Total Mom Haircut

Hannah from Blair's Boys

Christina from A Mommy Story

Camille from Adventures in Mommyland



Whew! That's a lot of linkage. I'm off to reheat my coffee...
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