Drinking a glass of wine...
Why, you ask? Weeelllll....
Patrick heard about a party-thingy at a Motorcycle store nearby. Not my normal cup-o-tea, but he really wanted to go, and the radio station was going to be there, which, you know, means it's cool. So, go we did. The bikes were really cool to look at, but I was more concerned with the REAL possibility of Patrick wanting another toy... And I just can't handle it right now. Can't. We have too many bills and responsibilities that we don't adequately care for as it is.
Anyway. After we talked (i.e. I whined, he assured, I worried, etc.) we went. The boys were bouncing off of the walls, while Corinne walked happily alongside Daddy. She was content with the free Cheetos. I watched the boys and their buddy as the men repeatedly disappeared... usually when the boys were taking helmets off of the rack and making my heart stop. I do NOT need to buy a broken motorcycle helmet for several hundred dollars!
We finally left, after eating hot dogs in the entryway and avoiding knocking down racks and racks of fancy motorcycles, and headed to Sam's Club to just browse, and eat free samples. YUM. Corinne basically had Cheetos and free samples for lunch. But! The basic food groups were completely covered, as we hit the frozen foods, dry foods and produce. Gotta love Sam's on a Saturday...
Not sure what my issues are the past few days. I'm trying to get my head back on, and hoping for my good mood to return. Spring definitely has helped, but I can't get the conversation with Patrick from a few weeks ago out of my brain. It was a deep, moving, wrenching night. We seemed to have come to some agreements on things to work on. Annnddd.... nothing. Nada. My attempts at 20 minute talks, 3 times a week, always crash and burn. He doesn't put them as a priority, or even as something to remember, so it continues to be me nagging him to please, PLEASE, puh-lease sit down with me and talk. And then he fidgets and I fidget. And I get upset because he didn't even remember our talk night. And I get upset because he wants to go to sleep even though it's earlier than we normally sleep. And then I get upset because he can budget hours and HOURS every week to work out, to see his friend, to play video games... but 60 minutes weekly for me is a hassle and unreasonable and I couldn't possibly understand how it feels to wake up so early...
Wow. This wasn't intended as a whine or rant fest. Just letting my fingers get all wild and crazy....
Just hanging out now. Waiting Patrick's return with the movies for the night. And as he was leaving, I realized a sad, sad fact about myself: I have NEVER rented a movie by myself. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Pathetic, don't you think?
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17 comments:
This is hard stuff. I wish you the best and hope you guys can start to compromise in a way that gets your needs met as well. I'm really sorry you're feeling down about it.
Beth - TMH
It sounds like you've got a lot going on. Is there any way for you to make him see that you need to feel as if you're a priority in his life, and that right now you don't feel that way? My husband often thinks that if HE doesn't see a problem, then one doesn't exist, even if I think it does. I constantly have to tell him that my feelings are valid, whether he understands them or thinks they're valid.
I hope the two of you can come to a consensus. You're in my thoughts.
Are you ready to get up early on Monday? I'm not.
Wow, that sounds really hard. I'm so sorry.
It doesn't seem fair that he is unwilling or unable to give you a measly hour a week for YOU! He needs to realise that if you get that time, you'll be a better/nicer/happier wife and mom! So it's really in his best interest to make it happen.
I hope you guys are able to really talk this out and reach some kind of consensus. Stand your ground, because you DO deserve some time out. You absolutely DO!!
Oh hon, I am sorry things are not working out with what you planned. Maybe you could approach it a bit differently. It sounds like maybe sitting down just to talk is maybe too much pressure... hence the figetting... maybe if you sat down to have dinner just the two of you one night a week (after kids are in bed) or for a drink... coffee... whatever. I don't know, just throwing some ideas out there.
I totally sympathize with you though, an hour a week of your husband's attention is NOT too much to ask.
Oh and on the movie, I can honestly say that I haven't rented a movie by myself either. I tend to think it is because I am blessed enough to have always had someone with which to share it...
:-)
Not even a total chick flick???
The need to connect- I've been there.
Hang tight.
Maybe try to schedule a night out with him - dinner? It takes time to get into the habit of connecting with each other, and sometimes it's easier to do it when you're out of the house and all its distractions.
Don't give up on it, though. It is important that you feel you're being heard.
Heidi
yah, been there. stores with expensive items on racks and a bunch of kiddos excitedly looking at the stuff-- not good on the mommy nerves, that's for sure.
schedule a date night... and hopefully he's picking out good movies...!
That is crummy. I hope things work out for you. Men really are from Mars and women from Venus. I know sometimes things that are important for me, my DH is oblivious to. Men...can't live with them...can't live without them!
Don't give up. Even if it feels like you are totally alone, keep trying. And pray, I really believe God cares about our marriages. HE can give your hubs a shove in the right direction!
By the way, I moved my blog to:
http://www.wearethatfamily.com
I agree with Kristi completely. I seriously think most men think if they don't perceive a problem, there isn't one. I don't know if it helps to know lots of us have been there or not. I hope things get easier. Keep working on it--you're fighting for yourself and your needs, what could be more important than that?
PS I hate motorcycles. My brother was killed on one, my best friends dad was killed on one when I was in high school, and a good friend of mine's son died on one. Please be safe.
Oh Sweetie, Hang in there! My husband and I have just learned to connect and it's taken us 17 years. I hope you ask for the time you need with him. Demand it! I've learned that I'm sort of needy when it comes to his attention. He's stretched pretty thin between 4 kids and a full time job. Sometimes, and I don't know why, communicating is the hardest thing to do. I'm not sure I'll live long enough to figure it out. If you do, please let me know! Have you seen any good movies lately? Would love to know!
Here is to hoping moods improve along with the weather. I hear ya! I'm dyin' for a sunny day or to win the lottery--something!
I hope things improve with Patrick. Funks like this can be frustrating . . .
One very frustrating day with the hubby ended with me throwing marshmallows at him. It was my sad attempt at humor. It worked . . . until he started eating them.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time lately, Tracey. I'm confident that you will be able to work through things together soon.
And I've never rented a movie before on my own either. I think I'm too cheap. I'd just watch what's on TV. :)
You're not alone with never renting a moive on your own - or with the husband issues. In fact, reading your post today was like reading a page out of my own life. Men! They just don't get it, do they? Hang in there & I really hope he "gets it" soon.
Oh my goodness, I can so relate to you right now. We have been having huge 'discussions' meaning I tell him how I feel, he brushes me off and rolls over to snore and nothing happens or he makes a ton of promises to me and nothing happens.
He couldn't even find time to come to my ultrasound last week.
anywayssss...
sorry, not about me... :)
I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and if you want to talk, I love to listen.
I have never rented a movie on my own either.ack!
Hope you two get your much needed time alone to talk.
Never...ever? You need to go get one that you've always wanted to see. Or just browse and rent whatever grabs you.
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