Almost a week since I've written.
If I say I've been "off" emotionally, will that make you worry about me? I hope not; Don't worry. I'm not suicidal or manic or any other psychologically "scary" thing. I'm just... off.
You know; crying because your 13 yr old slighted you (again). Mindlessly wandering around the house and then being shocked because an entire day has gone by and you don't remember any of it. Trying to motivate yourself into doing something, anything, so you end up cooking a 5 course meal that doesn't get eaten around the table like you'd envisioned - so you cry again. Getting a jokey text from your husband and taking it seriously only to find out it's a joke and then? You cry at gymnastics.
That kind of shit.
I talked to a really good friend the other day on the phone. We laughed and talked and had a great conversation. I hung up the phone, flopped on the bed and asked Patrick "Why am I so freaking sad?"
Ahhhh.... hormones. Ahhhh.... Life's fluctuations. I so adore the valleys. They are Such. Fun. with their shadowy ditches.
At least this low cycle isn't motivated by anything "real". It is actually easier for me to understand that it's just my mood and not the rest of the world/family/etc. that is the issue. Nothing needs to be fixed. Nothing needs to be done, other than hiding underneath several blankets in an over-air-conditioned house. I just want to curl up for a few days. I know it'll pass eventually.
Instead, I have to force myself to drag reluctant kids to lessons they love, and on outings they'll enjoy if only they'd get their butts in gear. Once we get to where we're going, I am generally "fine". In fact, I may be laughing uproariously and you'll think "What is she talking about? She's FINE."
I kind of lost my train of thought here. I kind of had a point. I kind of don't care anymore.
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