I have piles of parenting books. PILES and piles of them. Some that I bought when I was newly pregnant for the first time. They were eagerly read in 1999, occasionally thumbed through in 2002, and really haven't been touched since. I picked one up the other day to see if they cover this stage. I was pretty sure that the humorous advice ended somewhere around "potty-training" and "what to do when your kid is the biter in preschool." Sure enough, the wistful, tender chapters cut off right around the time parents feel as though they've got a hold on things.
Leaving us totally unprepared for the shitstorm that the teen years bring.
I had no idea that anyone other than my husband could break my heart anymore. They don't put that in "What to Expect". If they do, it's written about how your 2 year old tells you "NO!" when you say it's time for a bath. Yeah. That's not really heart-breaking. When you know your teen really and truly doesn't care about something that is important to you and your family? That's when my heart breaks. Even though I tell myself "13. 13. 13. It'll pass. 13. It'll pass..."
Even though I know that I was a total shit at 13, but I am now an absolute delight to my parents and never give them ANY grief, anymore.
Still. It hurts.
A lot.
I have been offered teenager books to review. I think I even have a few that I'm supposed to be reading. And yet.... I get depressed when I ponder how long I'll be in this stage. How many more years I'll have to deal with the hormone fluctuations and personality changes.
If ever I wistfully stare at a newborn baby or precious toddler with enormous eyes, it's with the knowledge that that innocence is temporary and that each sweet little one is a future teenager. My heart is tainted right now.
I feel so... powerless. I feel so unnecessary. And when I say that Hogwarts is a fabulous idea? When I joke about how awesome it would be to send them off to learn magic in England? I am not really joking.
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Poetry Month in our Homeschool
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Sure, you *can *force a kid to read a book. Any book, actually. But you
*can't* force a child to love to read. You can't push and push literature
on them a...
11 years ago
10 comments:
You.are.not.alone. I puffy heart the first year with a new baby, but I know that I don't want any more...because they turn into preteens. (I have 1-1/2 years to go before I have a teenager). But yes. All of what you said is true.
I did actually think the other day how happy I was that the mood she woke up in was taking itself to school and that I wouldn't have to deal with it all day. So to be lovingly placed in boarding school? Heaven (some days).
Awww. Now you have me scared shitless. ;)
Seriously, it is hard. So hard. But I'm glad that you are trying to remind yourself that it is just a phase. Like temporary insanity. They don't mean to be little a-holes. They just are. And they still TOTALLY love you, they just won't admit it.
Big hugs!!!
This seems to be one of those things where people often don't have a true, palpable sense of what it's like, until it's in their own life (kind of like people who haven't got babies inviting you to parties that start at 9pm when you've got a 6 week old baby. But I digress!). I don't know what you're going through because I'm not there yet, and so I can't say, "Yeah, it does hurt, I KNOW." And I can't offer one of those bonding smiles that people in the same boat give each other as they try to bail the water out. So…would a hug do? And…another hug? Cyber-sent, over the waves to you. I'm sorry it hurts.
I can't say I'm looking forward to this stage (my oldest is 11), but I know it's inevitable. I guess the only thing I can say that may be cold comfort is that teens are supposed to pull away from us as they learn how to navigate this world apart from us. I just wish they could do it with a little less venom. Hugs to you.
Don't worry, it IS just a phase. Around here we call it "The Surly Years". Lasts until about 15-16, then--poof!--as long as you parent consistently, they humanize again. Promise.
And this is what scares the ever living sh*t out of me. Considering the attitude of my 3 year old at times, the adolescent years are not going to be pretty.
Good luck!
We were at a family event on Sunday when a tween girl came up to her mom and dumped her half-eaten cupcake on her mom's plate.
"Wow," I observed. That is such a metaphor for parenting tweens and teens. They really just through all sorts of crap at you, don't they?
It's hard, but we need to distance ourselves from some of that dumping and not take it personally---much easier said than done.
So excited for LTYM!
Those typos? It's past my bedtime.
Tracey, I don't have teenagers, but I remember what I was like, what my friends are like. I find myself praying for strength and wisdom now --9 years before we are even there at 13. I hope you give yourself grace and just know that when we love people when they don't deserve it that it never goes unnoticed forever.
I can relate to your story, at first it's difficult to know what they want, maybe you can try to have more bonding time with so you will be able to know the way of their thinking and you can make ways to handle them.
Aubrey
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