Saturday, April 14, 2012

Big Johnsons and Hooters

I have a fabulous idea for a unique restaurant! It's sure to make millions of dollars.

Here's the pitch. I just need about 643 sponsors to make it work:

Scene: a rustic-type hunting lodge. Menus are full of delicious meals that will taste divine and be priced affordably. It really IS about the food, after all.

The main draw will be the famous sausage that will be Out. Of. This. World. We're talking juicy, spicy, delicious sausages; 3 inches in diameter, 10 inches long and presented at waist level by a buff 20-something hunk. Yum.

Each hunk will be wearing incredibly short, insanely tight booty shorts which will showcase their ample endowments down there, and a barely-there tank top that stretches thinly across their muscular abdomens and chests. Nothing will be "showing", naturally! This IS after all, a "family restaurant". Feel free to bring in the whole crowd, including your young children. It's totally appropriate. After all, nobody in the county will have such succulent, steamy, enormous sausages as the ones that these waiters will deliver and you wouldn't want to miss out on eating it just because the restaurant will be named "The Big Johnson."

There'll be no reason for your husbands to be uncomfortable around these guys! After all, you're there FOR THE FOOD, right?


Guess what? I don't care how tasty the wings are at Hooters. I don't care how much you try to justify taking your kids there. It's a restaurant named after a derogatory slang for women's breasts, with young women wearing tight tank tops and orange booty shorts. While this may be a suitable place for the over 18 crowd, it is NOT a family restaurant. The marketing that targets the family crowd makes me want to vomit.

The ironic part about my joke restaurant above is that that type of restaurant? With men's packages all front and center, euphemizing penises as food? It wouldn't last a day. Shoot, it probably wouldn't even be allowed unless it was listed as a bar for the over 21 crowd! So why is it ok to do so to our young women? Why is ok to have families in the Hooters market?

Evan asked me today, "Why do girls even want to work at Hooters?"
Corinne answered, "Because it pays a lot of money and they may not know how to make it anywhere else."

Too true, young padawan. Too true.

And I get it. I may not like it, but I get it. If you feel like you have to work at a restaurant like that or a strip club to pay your bills or make ends meet, I get it. You are an adult. I am sure that you are making the choices that you feel you need to make. I can even acknowledge that lots of women like the attention they get from the physical power they can wield in a job that utilizes their form. I understand that many women LOVE working at places like strip clubs and men's clubs. Awesome. Yay for you.

But I do NOT understand how you can pull on a teeny tank and skimpy shorts and serve children and families as though what you are wearing isn't at all inappropriate. I do not understand how fathers can elbow their 12 year old sons with a wink and a nod and check out the girls together. I wonder: would those same fathers be so jovial about their daughters working at Hooters? Would those same fathers be so flippant about eating sausages at "The Big Johnson" with their 12 year old daughters?

Hooters wings: Never had one. Never will.

Some links to peruse and amuse and wonder: "Why the double standard?": Bobby Flay says no way to a Male Hooters, "The Whole Package", it really is about having boobs.
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