I was reading Helena's recent post*, and feeling so very, very ungrateful.
Perhaps it's the oppressive heat.
Perhaps it's the inability to breathe without feeling as though I'm inhaling peanut butter.
Perhaps I'm noise-weary from the constant volume that having several extra boys in my house will bring. When it's 100 Farenheit and humidity of some really high percentage that I don't want to check out right now, it's kind of hard to find the joy in the day.
Joy in sweating? Joy in arguing? Joy in the ever-increasing background noises that block my ability to feel any peace? Joy in constantly feeling held down by all of their immediate Needs! Wants! Whines!??
Blech.
Still. I guess I could spin it. I could find the silver lining in the fact that I HAVE 3 healthy children who are physically capable of annoying me to the point of drinking.
There is definitely something to be said about having enough money to turn the a/c on so that it is only Really Warm in the house instead of the Stifling Deadly Inferno that exists outside our windows. Yay for employment and a/c!
If I stretch myself even further, I could find some smidgen of joy in knowing that this heat wave is absolutely temporary. Just as the winter passes, so does summer. I can survive this.
Still.
Still, I'd like to be sweetly singing quiet, poetic praises of our days. I'd love to be capturing the moments on film and in words, holding them in my heart, desiring to remember them.
Instead I cannot wait for this week to be over and just get a BREAK ALREADY from this house, this carpet, these dishes, this tedium! Apparently, I cannot stop the whining, even from my own fingers...
*by the way, if you're not already following Helena, you really, really should. She is lovely and talented and poetic and gracious and one of my newest, truest loves...
**By the BY the way, I'm in Mamapedia today writing about something very similar to this situation. Heh. I appear to make a habit out of pondering about my abilities. Do head over and tell me you love me, won't you?
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6 comments:
Good job. I know how you feel. My husband has been working every night and weekend since the beginning of June, with no end in sight. I am becoming tired and whiny and embittered... and many times I have to slap myself and chant, "be grateful we have a job, be grateful we have a job..."
PS - I saw Helena first.
Oy. I feel you. I think if the heat wasn't to intense that the carpet, the dishes and the tedium would not feel so magnified. I hope relief comes soon :)
Amen to being able to afford air conditioning! Aren't we the luckiest beings in the world!
Thanks for giving me words for how I feel. It IS liking breathing in peanut butter.
I feel you with regards to heat. Even though I promised not to complain about it. I blogged about that. Sort of.
Hey, you mentioned me! And said Really, Really Nice Stuff. I'm kind of blown away, which is another thing to feel good about, Tracey, in the middle of you melting and inhaling peanut butter. You just made someone else feel lovely. Big Gold Star to you, dear friend. Thank you, so much.
By the way, in my book, you have a right to feel grotty—your weather was in our local news. It's HOT where you are! (Just in case you didn't know). :)
And I don't always have days I want to pin up on my little personal memory board. Some days are HARD, but afterwards, I try to flip them, even a little, to find the good. Because otherwise it's like trying to get on a plane with a suitcase that's way WAY too big for the overhead lockers, that keeps busting out the sides and dropping underwear, and when you try to carry it? It bangs you in the shins, in the same place, every time.
Know what I mean?
Hang in there, hope the tangles untangle, the kinks unkink, and the weather cools for you. I just checked and it says you've got storms coming! I LOVE summer storms. Perfect for standing outside in, maybe doing a little naked dancing, just breathing in the wet.
Sending much love! :)
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