Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Bitchy rant that is in NO WAY influenced by my monthly cycle. Swear to God.

Playtex, I have a gripe to spew.

You know that contest you're running? The one where you offer a fabulous Bra Makeover? The one with the free trip to New York and lots of goodies? Yeah. That one.

Well, darling makers of bras and other unmentionables, I was actually pretty excited about your damn contest. I found the time to fill out your damn form; Even though I parent and homeschool 3 children. Even though my husband works nights and isn't home to help me for more than an hour a day. EVEN THOUGH I have loads and loads of other things I could be doing with my limited online time. Despite all of the above, I spent the precious time it took to fill out your form and link to a picture and write why I felt I would be a good candidate for your Bra Makeover. And it was GOOD. I laughed. I smiled. I nodded to myself that this witty paragraph just might catch your attention and get this particular Mom and wife a chance to win a special weekend to herself. I was excited that my bra collection of $10 sale undergarments purchased while my 3 kids stood in the underwear department of Wal-Mart might ACTUALLY be filled out with items that not only fit me well, but also make me LOOK good!

You can imagine my surprise when, at the end of the contest form, I read the fine print in the "terms and conditions" section. The fine print that states that this contest is not open to, and I quote:

Only female legal residents of the fifty (50) states of the United States and the District of Columbia who are twenty-one (21) years of age or older, and with bra sizes within the ranges of 36C to 50C, 32D to 50D, 34DD to 50DD, and 34DDD to 44DDD are eligible to apply for the Playtex Bra Makeover. Ladies with A and B cup sizes and with bra sizes outside these ranges are not eligible for the Playtex Bra Makeover.



You are honestly going to exclude me because I'm "small-chested?" AGAIN? Again the world is saying I'm not quite womanly enough because I only reach the letter B in the alphabet? As though I haven't struggled with this my whole life? As though the jokes about small boobs haven't chipped away at my confidence my entire life?

I'm sure there are plenty of reasons for your qualification. It's your damn contest; you can do what you want. But I don't care. You can rest assured that I will no longer consider the words "Playtex" in my bra purchases.

Just because my girls aren't enormous doesn't make me less of a woman or less deserving of a special treatment.
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