Ahhhh... A lazy Sunday. Patrick and Justin are playing a football game on the Xbox. Corinne and Evan are outside playing. The last time I looked out there, they had a game of some sort that involved a stick, the sandbox that is filled with icy water and a football. They're having a good time, so I didn't ask any questions.
But I do have a question for you; How much freedom do you allow your children? I mean, my kids are 11, 7 (almost 8) and 4. They have access to our backyard and that of 2 neighbors and are allowed a certain freedom of our own street. Evan and Justin can go to locations in our neighborhood that are out of sight and shouting distance as long as they ask first. We aren't close to any stores that they can walk or ride to on their own, but Justin is allowed to walk through a grocery store or department store to find items because he has proven that he's fairly responsible for himself. I am trying to raise my kids to become adults who are able to take care of themselves and not be afraid of the world. I am trying to teach them how to enjoy life and all that is available for them. How can they be adventurous and confident in themselves if they are never able to take steps on their own?
So, I'm curious. I'm interested to know the ratio of parents that read my blog. Are you one to hold them close or one to let them explore?*
* No judgment on either method of parenting. Just wondering...
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Poetry Month in our Homeschool
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Sure, you *can *force a kid to read a book. Any book, actually. But you
*can't* force a child to love to read. You can't push and push literature
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11 years ago
18 comments:
Man, this is a tough one for me. I want to give my kids that kind of freedom and think they'd do well with it, but it's very hard for me to let go. The desire to hold them close and protect them from every little thing is strong (too strong??) in me. I'm working on it ...
I believe in allowing them that kind of freedom because it's the only way to learn responsibility. My boys now walk to school together at age 8 and 5. It is only about 2 blocks.
It's tough, there is a balance, I just haven't found it yet.
I probably fall in the middle. I LOVE the idea of free-range parenting but I'm so nervous something will happen that could have been prevented. I try to talk myself down from the fear and let them go!
I struggle with this one big time. It seems like every time I give my kids more freedom, then you hear about a sex offender killing a child, or whatever. My younger two do walk to and from school alone occasionally, sometimes it does give me pause though. It's about a 1/2 mile, they only cross one street, but it's still scary to me. I only let them do it because they love it and deep down I do think it's good for them.
I don't let them go check things out by themselves yet at the store. I tried once, it didn't work. Long story, it will be awhile before any of us are ready to try that again.
I'm starting to think about the idea of leaving them alone for the 10 minutes it takes for me to drive to the high school and back to pick up my older daughter. I haven't done it yet, and probably won't, but I think it would be all right.
These things are hard.
My son is only 2 so I don't really count. However I think I will be one that doesn't want to let go. I already am. It is my fiance who is always having to remind me to let him be a boy and grow up. He holds my hand while I cringe and try not to look when he lets my son do something that scares me.
I find this very hard. I haven't really let my kids walk around the neighbourhood on their own. I do let them walk to the corner store (literally just 6 houses down the road) but they don't walk to school alone yet. It's not very far (5 minutes walk) but I am still at the stage of wanting to walk them to their classrooms and chat to the teacher and other mothers. I'm also involved with the PTA so often have to talk to the teacher about things like that. But I should let them walk home sometimes.
I'm very protective of them, and find it difficult to let go. I know I should, but it's very hard. We live in a 'safe' neighbourhood, but you do hear of things happening.
I can only hope that I will find this easier over the coming years!
My 9 and 7yo are allowed to roam our almost 1 acre at will...as long as I know they are outside. The 4yo can be out, but she has to be with one of her sisters. I am pretty okay with the older two going out of sight a few rows down from me in the grocery store. I let my 7yo go on the ski lift by herself multiple times this year. But if I'm uncertain about the area or the neighborhood, then they don't go by themselves. We don't have a neighborhood in the normal sense, so they don't get to roam. But we are taking care of the neighbor across the street's cat and I've been letting the older two cross the (fairly busy, 2-lane) street to feed the cat this week.
I feel the same. You have to hold them kind of close, but give them some freedom too.
Hold them close.
This is a question I think about quite a bit. Obviously, my kids are younger than yours, but I do like the idea of giving them a bit of freedom when they're older. I'm not really a fan of heliocopter parenting, and I want my kids to grow up confident and independant.
That said, the world sometimes scares the shite out of me. I suppose I'm grateful I have a few years left to sort out where I really stand on this topic. Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
I'm like Stacia (funny, since my name is Stacey), I want to let them go and give them a lot of freedom, but I'm afraid I probably hold them closer than I should. My kids are still so young; maybe I'll be able to cut some strings in a few years.
Seeing as Summer is only 3 (almost 4), she doesn't get much freedom away from me. I wish we had a yard she could go play in, but we live in the city. Not much help here, I guess.
My daughter is almost 5 -- I may be a bad parent, but I have let her roam around our yard alone or with same-aged or older friends without any supervision. We live on an acre of land and we are set off the road -- she is responsible enough to know that she can't go out by the road.
I have also let her downstairs alone while I've been in the shower since she's been about 3 years old -- she always asks before doing anything (she'll even ask to push the chair up to the counter to try to get in the 'cookie' jar!).
I leave her in the bath alone while I run downstairs to put in a load of laundry -- I've also left her alone with her 1 year old brother in the bath together while I've run downstairs for 3 minutes.
She's just really responsible -- maybe because it's just natural for her, maybe in part because I've allowed her to have some freedom?
Some people look at me because I allow my child to leave my line of sight at church, at the playground, at a friend's house and even at the store -- I'll be in the aisle over and I can talk to her off and on -- I don't leave her 'alone' (without touching base with her via a quiet shout) for more than 2 minutes.
I also instill in her self-confidence -- we've already started talking about strangers, what people can and cannot say/do to you/a person, who to talk to/not talk to, where to go if feeling in trouble.
So, after all of that....I think it depends on the kid -- some kids are more responsible than others -- even in the same family.
It's the whole free range vs helicopter parenting styles. I really, really want to be free range. That is how I was raised. I was all over the neighborhood from a quite early age. 6 or 7 maybe. And I generally had my younger (2 yrs) with me. But we lived in a small town. I honestly believe that kids need some freedom. But can I practice what I preach? I don't know. Only time will tell.
Hey, we'd like to feature you next Monday on BlogTrotting. Can you have a post ready?
Mine are only 5 & 8 and I'm a bit neurotic, so I let them bike ride on our block, but I haven't yet let them go any farther. I may add a block this summer. maybe.
We live in a super safe suburb, but I grew up in Los Angeles. So I feel different about it then some of the neighbors do.
well I think I am more protective. I let my 9 and 7 (almost 8 year) ride their bikes down the block together without me being outside. But I do check on them every 10 or so minutes. The 4 and 2 year olds can't be outside without me. I feel they are too young. My alone outside age is about 8 but with an older sibling it is about 6. Does that make sense?
More or less like you do: Sarah (11 in August) can go out in the back yard, the playground out front etc alone, but not in the street. And she can be out of sight but at screaming distance or go to a neighbor's home if she asks.
Stella (4 in May) is usually with me or my husband, but I let her go out and play with her big sister if Sarah promises to watch her and they are somewhere I can easily check on them by looking out the window or stepping onto the balcony.
Having just returned from a visit to the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History (which was BEYOND PACKED), that is such a good question. We debated it today. Daughter and friend, both 9, (and our 7 yr old) stayed by our side. 12 year old son and his friend went off on their own. It was all okay, and thank God for cell phones!
My kids can play in the backyard. The older two can walk to the library or post office together. And that's about it - we live in a busy part of town with no children nearby, so there's nowhere to GO.
But the Girl did walk the long, long walk home from school by herself the other day and did it very well.
We would love to let them fly. Unfortunately, our wishes for a safe world are tempered by the knowledge that a multiply-convicted pedophile lives in our little town, that a childhood friend of my husband's was kidnapped and raped as he played in a neighborhood lot, and so I don't think that this world actually IS safe enough to let children roam freely, despite how we'd like it to be.
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