Wednesday, November 19, 2008

2nd Grade Jokes, a Redux...

Some of the searches I get are hysterical. Some are questionably creepy. Some are worded with English so improper, it makes my hair curl. But one of the most popular searches is from a post I did WAaaaaayyyyy back when...

2nd Grade Jokes.

Unfortunately, that post only had 1 in it, with a promise for more. But I am so bad at remembering jokes, that I never did follow up. Well, folks, I have been chasing my children and husband around, writing down every joke and limerick (truly) that is moderately appropriate for this blog (and some that were NOT so much. My husband can remember every dirty joke imaginable!).

Get ready to laugh.

Get ready to chuckle.

Get ready to groan.

But please don't leave!!

Joke #1 was delivered to me by Evan:

Mommy, what do you get when you cross a brown chicken and a brown cow?


What? Not funny? Ok, ok. In order to understand that joke, you need to think of the jazzy rhythm that we all know. It sounds like this..

I nearly peed when he sang that one and danced around the room...

Joke #2 from Patrick:

So, this man decided to build a shed out of bricks. After finishing it, he had 1 brick left. They were very expensive, so he returned to the store to get his money back. Unfortunately, the store couldn't accept 1 brick back. The man was disappointed, and began walking home, wondering what in the heck he was going to do with this ONE BRICK! After considering several ideas that didn't make sense, he gave up and simply threw it into the air, as high as he could.

The end.

No laughs?

Hang on, read the next one...

Joke #3 from Evan:

What do you call a man who's running in front of a car?

What do you call a man who's running behind a car?


Joke #4 from Patrick:

2 boys called a bowling alley and asked, "Sir, do you have 16 pound balls?"

"Why yes, I do!"

"Dude! How can you walk around with them?"

I know, I know. Not really appropriate for 2nd graders. But my husband told it before I knew what he was doing, and the boys laughed so hard, tears were streaming down their faces. And those "2 boys" I was referring to were my husband and his best friend at about 10 years old...

Joke #5 from Patrick AGAIN:

A man and a woman were flying on a small plane over some weird country that allows unusual items aboard their planes. For the woman had a monkey on her lap and the man was smoking a stinky old cigar!! Unfortunately, the man was allergic to the monkey and hives were breaking out all over his body. Also unfortunately, the woman was having real problems breathing, due to the thick cigar smoke. They argued back and forth, each wanting the other one to get rid of their offensive possession. Finally, gagging on smoke and scratching in pain, they agreed to both throw the monkey AND the cigar out the window.

A moment later, the co-pilot looked out the window and exclaimed to the pilot:

"Sir! Sir! You'll never believe this!! There is a MONKEY sitting on the wing of the airplane!! And, sir! You'll never guess what he's holding in his hand!!"

(this is where you guess what he's holding... a cigar, right?)

No. He's holding a brick.


Joke #6 from Justin:

What's the purpose of cat skin?
To keep the cat in.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waitress!!
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