Sunday, October 05, 2008

Tears from the past... Part 1

I was reading Laskigal's post today, and was struck by how it brought up so many memories of my own...

We all have our stories of hardships from our youth. Memories that range from less than idyllic to downright tragic.

My personal experiences shaped me into who I am today, of that I have no doubt.

The details are extremely sharp and yet strangely strung together. In my mind, I recall a summer of joy. A summer of vacationing in Florida. Our FIRST family vacation! We had never done anything but camp before and this was a big deal. Putting my feet into the ocean for the first time. Finding real seashells! Disney World and Bush Gardens! That perfect, wonderful trip....

That following fall, life changed. My mom's mother was diagnosed with cancer.

My grandma, the sweetest person, really... The woman who always brought extra presents for us on birthdays, so we wouldn't feel left out. I remember her washing my long hair in the kitchen sink... I can remember how she would sit patiently and let me and my sisters comb out her freshly set from the salon hairdo, giving her an afro not common in elderly Italian women... We would play pranks on her by moving her bookmark from one page to another and ask her, giggling behind our hands, if she wanted to read her romance novel. She always acted surprised and pretended to be angry... These are the simple memories I have. Not many. Just a handful, really.

I was, after all, only 8 when she lost her battle with cancer.

It is crystal clear in my mind. My dad picked me and my younger sister up at school that day. Highly unusual, as we were walkers, through and through. The excitement we felt over such a special treat was squashed by the look on his face, though he explained nothing. When I heard that we were going to Papa and Grandma's house that night, a SCHOOL night, I figured it out...

My own mother was only a few years older than I am today. Her children were only 2 years older than my own are.... That single comparison makes it impossible for me to write any more...

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, thanks a lot, I'm sitting here crying at 2 in the afternoon. OM Gosh, what a sad story to lose your mom so young!

I enjoyed your happy memories too, epecially the one about your gramma's hair! lol!

Okay, gonna go get a tissue now

Anonymous said...

We all have those memories from growing up don't we. Those things that we wish hadn't happen, but have definitely molded us into who we are. I think it's good to remember sometimes and realize what we've taken away from things. Thanks for sharing some of what has created who you are.

Laski said...

Isn't it amazing . . . a moment. One moment, while ushering in a thousand memories, leaves an indelible mark on our lives that shapes who we are . . . and what we do.

One moment.

Thanks for sharing this. You amaze me with your words and touch me with your memories.

And Ms. Sappypants has entered the building.

Kristi said...

Oh, Tracey, I had no idea you lost your mom at such a young age. I'm so sorry.

It's amazing how life's smallest moments come together to form an indelible imprint on our minds. I'm glad your memories have made you who you are today: an amazing, caring person and mother.

Gettysburg Mom said...

I miss my Grandma, too.

My husband lost his Mom when he was 16 and his Dad last year. I don't even want to imagine. At my father-in-law's funeral I explained to my parents that they were required to live for another forty years AT LEAST. They thought it was a good plan.

Ruby said...

I'm sorry. The death of a loved one is tragic at any age. Being without that loved one is worse yet.

Thinking of you Tracey.

tracey.becker1@gmail.com said...

No, no, no! Kristi, it was my MOTHER'S Mother that passed away. MY grandma. So sorry for the confusion...

Heather said...

My grandparents all passed away relatively young as well. I worry about losing my own parents too. So I just stick my head in the sand and pretend it's not going to happen ever.

anymommy said...

Tears. I dread losing my mom at any age. That must have been so painful and jarring for your mother. I hope she is with you for a long, long time to come.

Michelle said...

What a poignant post...my paternal grandma passed away when I was around 8; and I too had fond memories of her. Here's a hug for both of us.

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry for your loss at such a young age. It was hard when I lost my mom and I was 22.

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