The good old days.... That's a phrase that I've heard reference a lot to, recently. I've read several posts on different parenting blogs with the same theme: wishing for the safety and harmony of generations past. Yearning for the ability to let their children run loose and free in the streets, returning home only for meals and bed. Posts written by parents who are sick of the fear they carry around. Fear of Bad People and Bad Things.
I get it. I really, really get it. I have 3 of my own precious treasures and the mere thought of a Bad Person getting ahold of them makes me feel like a caged tiger: pacing, with unrestrained anger and a desire to shred that Bad Person's neck. Allowing his blood to spill for merely THINKING of hurting a child... The visions I have would probably make you ill, but the gruesome visuals aren't my point here...
So, what IS the point? Thank you for asking! My point, as it were, is this:
The Good Old Days are a myth. A farce, a fairy-tale that we allow ourselves to believe in. There never was a time when we were safe to roam the streets. When Bad People didn't lurk in the shadows. When Bad Things didn't happen to children who ran about and slept with windows open and doors unlocked. But the thing about the days of yore? Back then, we just didn't talk about it.
Children were kidnapped.
Children were raped.
Children were abused by family members.
Children were hurt in countless ways by Bad People.
There have ALWAYS been deviants in human society. We just haven't always talked about it!
Imagine it was 50 years ago:
If your daughter was raped? Shhhh.... Sweep it under the rug. She must have led him on...
You say that good old Uncle Frank touched you? For shame! Never mention it again! Don't embarrass the family!
God forbid if your son experienced this. I don't know that boys from 50 years ago were even TOLD that this was something that could happen to them. And IF a boy came forward and told, what do you think happened? What was the reaction of his parents? The police? Hmmm? Exactly. Keep it QUIET. No one needs to know. He must be (God FORBID) Gay! It'll just hurt him more to talk about it, so SHHHHHhhhhhh.....
Thank God we are scared for our kids. Thank God we can't let them run about, without knowledge of what CAN happen. It is only through the education of our parents and children that we are hearing more about these awful situations. It is only by believing the abused, and by repeating, mantra-like, throughout their youth that it is NOT their fault, that we can empower them to come forward.
There isn't a moment that I wish I could raise my kids in an era from the past. There isn't a THING you can say to convince me that we were safer way back then.
We just didn't talk about it....
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26 comments:
Oh I agree that the media has done a great job of putting fear in us about bad people. But they were there years and years ago too.
You are so right. So right.
But things were different with regard to letting your kids roam free...too bad it was a false sense of security.
Very good point. I hadn't thought of it that way, but it makes so much sense.
I always say the same thing. The happy fact is that these sorts of things are actually LESS common now than they were back in those good old days. Maybe because our kids are more aware? Tough to say.
Great post - you are so right! Thanks for sharing this angle, the one most people don't even think about.
Absolutely true. I do think that mobility has changed a lot, in that kids can be moved a lot farther from their homes a lot quicker in a kidnapping situation, but you are 100% right. The number of bad people who will do bad things in our society hasn't changed. The public nature of the crimes has changed. Thank god!
Sadly, you are right. It did happen. Our childhood wasn't any Disney fairytale no wonder how we try to spin it . . .
I agree that there certainly were bad people and bad things could happen back then, but because it wasn't so widely talked about we (children and parents) felt safe.
Even a man I know who had been sexually abused, by his uncle when he was a child, didn't worry about letting his own children roam the streets with me and my friends. (I didn't know about his terrible sexual abuse story until recently.)
I'm not sure if that's such a terrible thing. These days we tend to be over protective because we hear about these terrible things happening. I won't let my teenage daughter walk 2km to the shop without taking her mobile phone and calling me 4 times along the way so I know she is safe. I won't let my younger children out of my sight except for school. I am constantly worried something will happen to them.
Are we raising a generation of children who see a 'baddie' in every shadow?
Hopefully, mum-me, we are raising a generation of children who will look before crossing the street, think twice before accepting a ride, and get out of a situation that doesn't feel quite right, BEFORE something happens.
Is it better to have a generation of children who are more cautious and more empowered over their own bodies or a generation of kids who are ashamed and confused over something they couldn't stop?
I completely agree! A lot of discussion was sparked on this very topic when the NY Times columnist let her 9 year old take the train alone. Penn and Teller did an episode of Bullsh*t on "stranger danger" with the same conclusion. There was a woman on that episode who had actually lost a child to a stranger abduction who started a foundation with such an admirable mantra. She believes the danger is out there, but says that it is parents who have to deal with that, and the fear should not be passed on to children.
I was lucky to have a mildly paranoid mum. We always talked about it.
I agree with you. I'm always mildly suspicious about nostalgia for the past. People don't seem to remember the horrors that plagues us back then and realize just how far technology and science have carried us.
Excellent post.
THANK YOU for this post. I am constantly telling my family this stuff. Do you know that statistically there are no more kidnappings then there were in the 1950's? It's true. They are just reported on every news station and billboard these days so we hear more about them.
It is good to be vigilant, but also realistic.
You are so very right Tracey.
I agree. This topic has actually come up in my moms group quite a few times. Statistically you're more likely to have these things happen by someone you know.
I couldn't agree more. I also think the media and the internet has maed the world such a smaller place. Look at Madeleine McCain - that child's abduction made millions of parents living thousands of miles away feel so frightened while just a generation again they would never had heard of it...
We roamed the streets as kids, and we knew full well that we could be kidnapped! My mother must have known, too. I remember the story of that kid whose dad was on that most wanted show later. Adam, was it?
I think back then people just weren't as generally fearful, despite the possibility of something dreadful. They didn't hear about horrible things happening to children *every *time they turned on the TV.
I agree. Everything you cited happened 50 years ago, we just never heard about it.
I couldn't agree with you more that our kids are no less safe now than we were as kids 30 (ok, 40) years ago. But rather than coming to the conclusion that our mothers shouldn't have let us roam free because it was too dangerous, I come at it the other way. We were allowed to roam free, and most of us turned out fine. There is risk associated with life, like it or not. But to me, the positive things associated with letting kids roam free, find playmates, invent games, etc. outweighs the risks, which are extremely small, but seem large. Because the media doesn't report when a kid goes out to play and comes home fine - that isn't news. They report every time a kid doesn't come home, which is absolutely, unfathomably horrible, but is also extremely rare. That said, do I let my kids roam free? Not so much, but it's more because of what the other mothers in the neighborhood would think of me as a mother, I'm ashamed to say.
I happened upon your blog from Kia's. I really liked your post about your son's teeth. My son is losing his now too and I am fascinated.
I think you are right. I mean, just look at the Catholic priest scandal. All these men are coming out now and saying they were molested 20 years ago. By priests. If you can't trust your priest, who can you trust?
I happened upon your blog from Kia's. I really liked your post about your son's teeth. My son is losing his now too and I am fascinated.
I think you are right. I mean, just look at the Catholic priest scandal. All these men are coming out now and saying they were molested 20 years ago. By priests. If you can't trust your priest, who can you trust?
Well, I totally agree with Mum-me and with Debbers 133. There's a difference between 'empowering' children to speak out when they need to and scaring them sh*tless (And I am sure parents everywhere teach their children to look both ways before crossing the road) I reassure my child that they can tell me anything at all and I will believe them and never get upset with them.
On the other hand, I would never leave them alone in a hotel room by themself even if they were sleeping.
I agree 100%. However, I know when I generally refer to "the good ol' days", the things I think about are how we used to go out and actually play, not sit in front of a video game or bigscreen tv all day, or how we used to fall down, get a bump or scrape, get back up, dust ourselves off and keep playing. Nowadays, people are so quick to sue somebody else for "negligence" that we're afraid to let our kids play rough outside and take a few bumps along the way. Those were my good ol' days!
I am heartened by your perspective, honestly. Ignorance is not bliss, and I for one don't want my children to be ignorant like I was.
good post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get so sick of hearing people talk about how they roamed free why shouldn't their kids!
You know, I actually agree with that. I used to think otherwise, but if I really think back, on the things we used to do....we were just really really lucky to come out of ok.
And we're the ones who are the most over protective. Maybe that's the reason.
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