Monday, August 18, 2008

A season of change...

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for the changes that this next week (and year!) will bring. I'm not prepared to have the boys gone all day, every day. To be alone with my last child. To walk home every morning, into an empty home, and hear no laughter or arguments. I can't imagine the absence of the noises the boys make: Pokemon games, soldiers shooting each other on my kitchen table, the thudding of their feet as they lap the first floor, the shrieks of joy and indignation when their games become too rowdy... I'll miss them. Profusely.

Not to say that I'm dreading having time alone with Corinne. I am completely looking forward to seeing her develop with a little breathing room from her Velcro brother. But to picture her without her brothers hugging her and chasing her.... makes me whimper inside...

This will be a year where my first baby is in fourth grade. The second story of the building!! I can't even think about what that means in the tornado season...

This will be the year when Evan eats lunch away from me every day. Where I am forced to acknowledge his size: he is no longer a little kid. He's a FIRST grader. And I remember, all too well, just how fast Justin went from first to fourth grade...

This will be the year that Corinne turns 3. Truly and completely a baby no more. The crib will be dismantled in my home, one last time. And I will be a wreck. I forsee many tears, wistful thoughts, and possibly a desire for "just one more." In which case, I fully expect you all to slap me silly and bring me to my senses, m'kay?

I'm coming upon the tail end of my toddler parenting. This will be more difficult on me than my husband realizes. I must profess, if he said "sure! Let's have another one!" I'd be on him instantly. The lack of space, money, bedrooms and patience wouldn't hold me back....

And yet, HE is done. And it is only by understanding him that I have figured out ways to convince mySELF that 3 is our family number...

(See? The rambling? The watery eyes while typing? Dude, it's gonna be a long year...)

Just for giggles, isn't she cute? She is my dream daughter: runs like a boy, plays with baby dolls, climbs a tree and wears dresses... Everything that a girl CAN be, she is.
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