I'm not ready for the changes that this next week (and year!) will bring. I'm not prepared to have the boys gone all day, every day. To be alone with my last child. To walk home every morning, into an empty home, and hear no laughter or arguments. I can't imagine the absence of the noises the boys make: Pokemon games, soldiers shooting each other on my kitchen table, the thudding of their feet as they lap the first floor, the shrieks of joy and indignation when their games become too rowdy... I'll miss them. Profusely.
Not to say that I'm dreading having time alone with Corinne. I am completely looking forward to seeing her develop with a little breathing room from her Velcro brother. But to picture her without her brothers hugging her and chasing her.... makes me whimper inside...
This will be a year where my first baby is in fourth grade. The second story of the building!! I can't even think about what that means in the tornado season...
This will be the year when Evan eats lunch away from me every day. Where I am forced to acknowledge his size: he is no longer a little kid. He's a FIRST grader. And I remember, all too well, just how fast Justin went from first to fourth grade...
This will be the year that Corinne turns 3. Truly and completely a baby no more. The crib will be dismantled in my home, one last time. And I will be a wreck. I forsee many tears, wistful thoughts, and possibly a desire for "just one more." In which case, I fully expect you all to slap me silly and bring me to my senses, m'kay?
I'm coming upon the tail end of my toddler parenting. This will be more difficult on me than my husband realizes. I must profess, if he said "sure! Let's have another one!" I'd be on him instantly. The lack of space, money, bedrooms and patience wouldn't hold me back....
And yet, HE is done. And it is only by understanding him that I have figured out ways to convince mySELF that 3 is our family number...
(See? The rambling? The watery eyes while typing? Dude, it's gonna be a long year...)
Just for giggles, isn't she cute? She is my dream daughter: runs like a boy, plays with baby dolls, climbs a tree and wears dresses... Everything that a girl CAN be, she is.
Posts
14 comments:
Hugs to you. It WILL get easier!!
LOVE that photo! Too cute!
Don't get me started...now I'm tearing up. I don't have babies any more:(
couldn't they just stop growing up? please?!
Oh, I know - if we could only stop time!
This was a beautifully written post - sad and true and ... beautiful.
Nice to see you Tracy - take care - Kellan
Awww... I'm getting weepy just thinking about this point in my future. Love that photo of Corinne. Enjoy the time alone with your baby girl.
You know, I'm at EXACTLY the same spot you are - are our kids exactly the same age? This will be my LAST YEAR with a small child at home full-time and it's KILLING me. Even though we're out of bedrooms (and money and time and patience) I WANT ANOTHER BABY.
Already borrowing trouble dreading this moment which is, I hope, years away for me. Great post, really well written. And I love that picture of your baby girl! She's darling. And daring. Good combination.
By the bye, I tagged you. So visit my blog for details and instructions!
I have a friend in your position - she has 3 beautiful kids, LONGS to have another, but her hubby is done. It's hard for her. I am grateful that both Rob and I felt totally contented with our 2, because boyohboy it's hard enough now to think of the "last time" you use the crib, the "last time" you change a diaper etc, without feeling wistful about wanting another.
((Hugs)) ... they do grow really fast and it's bittersweet!
aww, what a cutie. It's hard to imagine being in that place but I'm sure it'll come before I know it (or am ready for it...)
Oh, I understand completely how you are feeling. You want to hang on to them as long as possible.
HOWEVER, after the day I just had, the beginning of school can't come fast enough.
Corinne is so sweet. :-)
that is such a sweet picture of her in the tree - love it! What bittersweet moments ahead for you this year!
I'm trying to catch up on the posts I missed while gone. First love the milkshake picture in the sidebar. Too cute. Second, I totally understand the being gone all day thing. And Corinne is just too cute in that tree. That is exactly how GG is climbing trees in dresses!
I'm catching up tonight. This one made me catch my breath. We are not quite there yet, but getting close and wondering about other issues. There's just no facet of this whole parenting thing that's easy, is there?
Golly, the heart of a mother is never still... it's always swelling, aching or longing to be near her babies.
Love that last paragraph about your girlie tom boy girl! What a fun package she is!
Post a Comment