I recently read a post by a pretty popular mom that left me scratching my head and saying "Is she right? Am I the oddball out? Am I wrong for feeling offended?" I hate questioning myself like that!
Basically, the post made a very funny, snarky comment towards all mothers that are wistful for the baby days. She said that she hated it when "seasoned" moms would sigh over her young children at the store "You'll miss the sleepless nights...because they grow up so fast." She is in the midst of 2 young kids and another baby on the way and, apparently, had collicky babies. I can understand why she is not wistful for those days as she is still in the trenches of new motherhood. And blogs are for venting! I totally respect that right and would have normally gone about my merry way without commenting (or writing a whole post about it!) if it hadn't been for a small comment left by another mom.
This other mom (of 2 adult children) sounded so upset in her 5 lines of a response. She sounded offended, as I felt, and I wondered: "Will this post possibly stop a mother of older children from trying to be helpful to other young moms? Will this post make her second-guess herself when she sees young children and feels wistful?"
I certainly hope not. To me, that would be a pitiful loss. Just because one person experiences an extremely collicky baby, doesn't mean that every parent has the same feelings of complete frustration and exhaustion! For not all mothers of young kids have as hard of a time as this blogger was feeling. Not all mothers really, TRULY "get it" when their kids are little. I know that I try my hardest to "seize the day" everyday but even with my eyes wide open and aware of the speed of time, it still slips by!
My hope is that anyone who might have read the post I am referencing will take her comments with a grain of salt and realize that more young mothers will benefit from the bittersweet sighs of an older mother than those who might take it with offense.
Because seriously? I would SO turn back the clock to do it all over again! I treasure every memory I have, even the rotten ones with poop flying everywhere and migraines and dashed expectations. Let me go there again to hold their tiny bodies and smell their tiny scents... As much as I ADORE the ages my children are right now, I will always be yearning to feel the weight of my sleeping babies on my chest while the rest of the world sleeps. And it is only s/he and I. And we are breathing in and out together. And no one else matters but the sleeping child covering and filling my heart...
Newborn Evan in the only position he would sleep in for the first few months. And yes, I AM crying as I look upon that picture...
Posts
22 comments:
that is a beautiful picture. I am so glad that you have that. I wish I had more pictures of my kids when they were tiny.
I was one of the moms whose kids never slept, who suffered from 4 YEARS of sleep deprivation....and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I would give anything to smell each of their sweet baby smells just one more time.
So many blogs seem to have been started by moms who had a really difficult time adjusting to motherhood. I absolutely respect that, but sometimes I feel like the odd one out because it was easy for me.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog & commenting, Tracey!
I really liked this post. I feel like the odd one out quite a bit too. I have three very young children and people are always making comments about my sanity. It's hard and crazy, but not the way I thought it would be.
When I first started reading a lot of blogs, there were a bunch of posts about having a second child - when, spacing, the angst about adjustments for the first. I ended up a mother of three so quickly that all that kind of blew by me. I felt a little alienated and thought, maybe I don't think deeply enough about mothering to be a blogger. Now that's what I love - all the different perspectives.
Um, I think this is my first comment and it's a book, sorry!
Porgie is only two, and I already have trouble remembering those newborn days. I wish I could go back and hold her small 7 pound bOdy again.
As the mom of an almost 2-year-old (how is that even possible?) I would love to go back to her baby days when it seemed, strange as this will sound, that life was so much more simple and I could satisfy her needs much more fully.
Such a beautiful picture of you and Evan.
Gorgeous picture...
One of my favorite parts of being a mom is the feeling of holding a sleeping baby; feeling the slight weight of his body on my chest, hearing his little sighs and noises, not daring to move even though my arm is completely asleep...oh it's wonderful. Perhaps this is not the best plan, but sometimes, when I can't sleep, I go into Josh's room, take him out of his crib, and sit with him in his rocking chair, just watching him sleep. I enjoy this while I can, because something tells me that while he doesn't mind it at the age of not quite two, he probably won't enjoy it at, say, not quite twenty.
I don't know what post you are referring too. But I am with you on the ages of my kids and loving them and always wanting another but knowing I'm done. I am planning on giving you a call tonight after dinner and things settle here to finalize our plans for tomorrow!
I didn't read the post and I also didn't have an easy time but I agree, I would give my last piece of chocolate to snuggle her newborn head all over again.
BTW - we were stuck in the exact same position for at least the first twelve weeks of her outside life. Great photo, I wish we had snapped one of the same.
You are so right. I sometimes wonder whether my yearning for another child is really about wanting to expand the size of our family or about wanting that small weight pressed up close, breathing into my neck once again. Even with the sleeplessness, it was a magical time (though, admittedly, faaar more enjoyable the second time around when I had a baby that didn't wake every 45 minutes all night long for three months).
My little one is only five months old, and I already miss the sleepless nights where he would only fall asleep on my chest while I patted his butt.
Children grow up way too quickly and I wish life had a pause or a slow button so I could hang onto their baby/childhood a bit longer.
that is really a beautiful picture.. As for that blogger sometimes it is REALLY hard to see the forest through the trees ya know... She is sleep deprived and over worked..lol
I def doubt it will ever stop older moms from giving those little snipets of advice, heck I can't get them to stop asking me "Are you sure there is just one in there??" lol
I want to turn back the clock right this second . . .
And as for advice, words of encouragement, comments on J . . . I'll take every last bit of it.
It hasn't been easy. But it has been wonderful.
Brendan is only one year old and already, I miss his fuzzy little newborn head, wrinkly skin, tiny fingers and toes, squinty eyes, little squeaky cry....oh! my heart is breaking just thinking about how much I miss it all!
wonderful post, thank you for making me remember how much I love being a Mom.
My thought: she just doesn't know yet.
And yes, she's entitled to her opinion....and she may feel that way now....but her thoughts may change when her little ones get older...and older...and older!
OR: maybe it really does super-suck for her, and she won't miss it at all! Maybe the young baby stages aren't for her, and she'll love & then miss the toddler years.... who knows.
Oh, I wish more than anything that I could go back and hold my babies again, with the full love I have for them now, to parent them all over again.
I LOVED having babies. LOVED.
Amen.
I would LOVE to smell that baby smell all over again. And again.
I didn't read the post but I think I get what you're saying. I'm in the same boat with Aisling that you were in during that picture. I've had a mega colicky baby and I wish I could do it all over again. There's nothing like it, nothing more special in all the world than those first few months of your child's life. I am savoring every moment with my little girl.
I'm not one that is wistful. Do I look back fondly? Yes. Do I want to do it again? Not so much. But, I can understand and respect those who miss having tiny babies around!
Of course you are. I love the pictures like that. I think we all have them, because we all went through it. Such a haze back then, but such a big tear jerker now.
Beth
http://www.totalmomhaircut.com/
Oh gosh, how precious! And also everything you just said here... yes.
Steph
one word for your blog
coooooooooooooooooooooool
latest mobiles
Post a Comment