Gasping, clutching moments... The ones that jump out at you for no apparent reason... The ones that make you shake with the reality that life is so fragile, so temperamental.
These moments usually hit me hard after a day like yesterday. As I lay my daughter to sleep, I hold her close for just a bit longer and breathe in.... And clasp her just a bit too tightly, and look gratefully into her eyes. The need to hold them so close, that they're enveloped within me, that they are a part of me physically again, as they are so much a part of me emotionally, is like a tidal wave. It just knocks you over and carries you away.
I felt, again, the pain of mothers throughout time. Those who have lost their babies and those who have felt this fear of loss. The unfathomable for some that is so heart-wrenchingly real for others...
I suppose it is because of moments like these that I can say "screw the stupid stuff" and enjoy life for what it is, right now. I am grateful that I go through these episodes of desperate aching so that I can slap myself over getting so upset over spilled milk, and just get on with loving my family.
And on that note, I have to get the kids off to school and then Corinne and I are having a girls' day (well, morning) out. We're going to play at the mall, drink fancy coffee (she gets the whipped cream) and I'll even get her an overpriced cookie that I always tell her she can't have. Perhaps a few presents will get bought, perhaps not. I'm just happy to get out of the house!
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