How Free Range are YOU?

"Miss Tracey! So and so did thiiissss!!"

"Miss Tracey! He was mean to me!"

"She pushed me! He called me a name! Whine! Whine! Tattle! Tattle!"

OY VEY!!

Seriously, kids. Figure. It. Out. As long as no punches are being thrown, and no one is being verbally abused, DON'T BOTHER ME. I am studiously examining the kitchen tiles or marveling at the color of my coffee. I cannot and will not take sides or be drawn into every petty little argument the children of the neighborhood will undoubtably have.

Remember when we were all little? I grew up on a block of 10 or 12 houses, almost all with kids living in them. We had a church with fields that backed up to our yards and no one had fences. We knew every nook and cranny of that field, the baseball dugout, small hill, church parking lot, and pine trees. When we argued (and OH! Did we argue!) we either figured it out or stomped home, proving how angry we were, only to return to playing later that day.

My own kids have a smaller world to explore. (Though I am constantly reminding Justin that he is allowed to go on bike rides or walk to the park! He is hesitant about venturing into the wilds of our suburban neighborhood...) Our backyard backs up onto the yards of 2 of our close friends and neighbors. Between the 3 houses, there are 11 kids to play with (well, 10 kids. 1 is a tiny baby!). It is INEVITABLE that they will be on top of each other at times. It is inevitable that they will feel cramped and closed in. But it is what it is. They need to play together and be nice to each other. They need to get through their disagreements or take a break.

The worst thing about all of this togetherness, though? The tattling.

I. Hate. Unnecessary. Tattling.

My response to "He's mean! She's not being nice! He's a bully! Blah blah blah!" is something along these lines:

"You are ALL mean sometimes. Remember how it feels and be NICE instead. I am not here to take sides, guys. Figure it out or everyone go home."

This usually kills the conversation. Once they realize I won't take sides, or will make them all go home, the argument either ends or they go home. Since our yard is the only one with a swingset, sandbox, playhouse, random toys scattered about and even trees? They usually figure it out.

Not all parents are happy with this approach. Some feel I should be stepping in to break up the tiffs, and regulate the turns on the swings to avoid anyone's feelings getting "hurt."

Well, guess what? Sometimes, in life? You don't get a turn on the swing. Your feelings get hurt. And you walk home feeling upset. Who among us didn't have their heart broken that their best buddy in the world told them they were Never playing with them again? Who among us didn't grow a bit wiser and stronger from that situation? Maybe, just maybe, we learned a smidge about negotiating turns, and listening to different ideas? Maybe, just maybe, we understood a bit better that not everyone will want to play/talk/dress/learn the same way? Perhaps we were on the way to gaining life skills that would benefit us in adulthood? If an adult were to be watching out for me every time I had to stand up for myself, where would I be today?

I am loving Lenore Skenazy's site, Free Range Kids. The basis is pretty simple. Freedom for our kids like we had growing up. Ignoring the fearmongering of the media and letting our kids LIVE their lives instead of placing safety cushions all around them, just in case they fall. Letting them have those moments of pride when they do something themselves. Giving them the benefit of the doubt (based upon their skills and maturity) that they can make the right decision, all by themselves.

I may not be able to give my kids much monetarily, but if I can give them independence and confidence? THAT will be something which will stick with them for the rest of their lives.

Ew.

Ever have a dream that a person talking to you has incredibly bad breath? And you keep trying to take a step back and they keep getting closer to you, breathing their dragon breath all over you?

And then you wake up, and realize that your mouth is full of cotton and ick because you have a summer cold that has congested your entire head?

Man. That is BAD HALITOSIS. To actually wake yourself up from a deep sleep...

I am off to nurse a headache and runny nose on this COLD JULY DAY. It is supposed to reach a high, HIGH, of 66 today.

WHAT THE HELL? Did I move to Alaska and not realize it?

Grumble, grumble...

Just a few days ago! I swear! How did I go from happy and suntanned in a tank top to miserable and sick in my jeans and sweatshirt?

Sparklers and luxury

Go America!

Despite our family and nation's economic and social problems, I am proud and grateful to live in the USA. Considering the options around the world, any of us with the ability and luxury to be posting on a blog are exceptionally lucky people, indeed.

And nothing screams "Patriotic Americans" louder than giving your 10 and under offspring flaming fireworks...
Father looks on proudly. Mother stands behind him, trying not to wring her hands. Instead, I document it for the internet to judge me on...

Always in battle and ready to defend.

I'm thinking her "Dorothy" dress isn't flame retardant...

After this past month, I really needed the relaxation that last night and this weekend brought. We attended a FREE neighborhood carnival, which allowed my kids the ability to enjoy the freedom of wandering the fair without actually being in thousands of people. Justin and his buddy got to wander for hours on end, feeling as though they were "on their own" when I could easily spot them at any given moment. I'm sure he'll remember the fair for the feeling of freedom he got. Add to that, an impromptu sleepover and then a spur-of-the-moment fireworks show in our front yard (nothing illegal... I don't think. Mostly sparklers!) and you end up with me feeling pretty relaxed.

I'm trying to adopt the "don't worry about what we can't change" mentality that Patrick has. Without dwelling on our finances too much, let me just say that they are NOT GOOD. As in, well, Bad.

On the brighter side, though? We sold an extra stove that was in our garage for 4 years. Grocery money! And Patrick has someone interested in a random musical apparatus that has been collecting dust in our basement. Gas money! We're now looking into the rest of our extra crap to see what might be worth some dough. Basically, cleaning our closet for cash. Killing two birds and all.

Another relief for my psyche is the abundance of products I've been reviewing. You can benefit too, as I have giveaways for each new item! Please check them out, as I think you'll like them. Stainless steel water bottles and organic snacks, anyone?

Rum and Coke.

Actual post from my Facebook profile:

Is it just me,or is the man's voice on "Bejeweled Blitz" really appealing? "ONE MINUTE. GOooOOOoo..." And then, when you're doing well? He COMPLIMENTS you! And the voice is so deep and resonating, that you turn the volume up to make the air vibrate around you even though it draws the kids into the room asking "What is that noise?" And you're all "QUIET!!!! I'm trying to break my record! Sparkly jewels! Porno voice! " Just me?

(Just in case the post below was too depressing.)

This is what I actually type on Facebook. This is the kind of update that regularly occupies the profile of my full name. Little Mini-posts (like Twitter! Only they last longer! And I understand the layout better!) about lightning bugs, liquerererer (how you spell? hic.) and my sleeping habits. RIVETING stuff.

The site that has former teachers, parents of my Cub Scouts, and my mother-in-law reading (Hi Gerry!). I actually write this stuff down and leave it out there for all the world to see and remember.

All class.

This proves that I will most definitely embarrass myself at BlogHer this year. Without a doubt. But going into it, expecting to make a fool of myself, is a bit liberating! It's ok! I'm that blogger who gets off on the Bejeweled guy!

That said, I need your comments, people. I want to know each and every one of you who are going to be at BlogHer in some shape or form. Come out, come out! Wherever you are! I am going to be busy this weekend, so I fully expect to see lots of little voices below telling me who's going, who's stopping by, and whose heart is broken that they can't meet me in person because they love me to pieces. I want my list of faces to be looking for. And I want it NOW.

Commence with comments.

I Am.

It has come to my attention that my children have been placed above myself in my life. It has come to my attention that this is no longer a situation I can be content with.

Does that sound horrible?

Hmmm. It may be. But it's not meant to be.

I mean only to say that they are extremely important to me, but should not completely define me. And I fear that this is what has happened. I fear that I have become "only Mommy". And while Mommy is wonderful and beautiful, and something I want to retain as an integral piece of myself, it is not the complete picture of who I am.

Nor should it be.

But how do I attain the peace within myself? How do I nurture my own heart and emotions without neglecting those of the children I am to be raising? How do I connect with my husband in our extremely sparse time together? Is it even possible to have more than 1 or 2 aspects of my life flowing somewhat smoothly simultaneously? Must one portion always be forced to lie fallow so that the others may prosper? Must my own personal growth and contentment be the weakest link in this pecking order?

And yet, how can I fully devote any attention or passion for my children, home or marriage if my own desires are so subdued that they are practically non-existent?

What exactly are my desires? Good question. I ask myself that very thing, every moment of every day...

To be loved. (which I am)
To be truly desired.
To catch his eye, and catch my breath.
To be free enough to dance in the summer night.
To be acknowledged for my talents, accomplishments, and abilities.
To discover for the sake of discovery.
To perform on stage.
To move people to tears.
To be moved to tears.
To have him reach for my hand, before I reach for his.
To write with abandon and without interruption.
To know that I am living my life fully, and without regret...

Will Write for Popsicles

pant. pant. pant.

Have I mentioned it is suddenly summer?Yep. Hello humidity! It's like a free sauna treatment! The backs of my thighs have been exfoliating on the kitchen chairs all day long. Getting up from the table has never been more thrilling!! Rrrrrriiiiippp!!!!(This one's for Stacey. Cuz I know that you know that I know that you know that I love ya...)

Thank God for the pool. Even when we had to squeeze 2 pools' worth of swimmers into one pool when the first pool had to be evacuated. I quietly asked why it was closed of the girl who was calmly telling us that "the pool's closed. This pool's closed..."

"Do I want to know why it's closed?" I asked, grim-faced and ready for the ole 'poop in the pool' explanation.

"Oh. Um. Somebody threw up..."

Nuff said! "GET OUT!" I shouted to the kids as I held my own stomach's contents back. "Get OUT NOW!!"

Good times.

Our 3 year old neighbor boy ran away from my neighbor while we were catching the kids as they jumped into the pool. She and I both awkwardly swam/clambered after him while shrieking his name as he teetered near the 5 foot section beside a girl who was so into her own conversation with the gawky teenage boy that she was oblivious to our plight. In the process of trying to rescue him, we abandoned my 3 year old and her 4 year old (but left them in the steadfast care of her other young children.) Brilliant parenting moment! We came home with all kids accounted for, but she and I have sworn to share a drink sometime soon...

(Side thought: Am I having a midlife crisis in that I suddenly have the desire to "get inked?" I have always been adamantly against the idea of a tattoo (or "tat" as my dear hubby fondly refers to them) but today, as I was reading a book I'm reviewing (AWESOME book. Love it!) I had the craving to copy the author's mother and get a tattoo, too. I haven't finished the book, so I don't know the final result of her decision, but, well. There it is. )

(Of course, it could just be the lack of oxygen to my brain. pant. pant. pant. )

Have I mentioned our brilliant plan to keep the a/c off because the money, she is slim right now? Tonight we will be having a slumber party on the family room floor! Such fun! We're making it into a par-tay with popcorn and a movie because the 88 degrees at 9 pm is only on the FIRST FLOOR of our home. I don't even want to consider the temp upstairs...

pant. pant.

Just now:

"Mommy, can I cuddle with you?"

HELL NO! Not unless you want to be connected by the melting skin. Love you, girly, but step away from da mama...

Ending with some eye candy...

On swim wear...

Here's some basic recommendations on choosing a swimsuit. I pray that some younger readers find this and take it to heart, to save the world from the horrors of an improper suit choice:

1. Wearing a suit with a skirt doesn't mean that we can't see your butt. So when you're standing in front of me (and my view of my swimming kids, thanks) and bend over just a bit? And your suit's underwear part is in a severe wedgie? So it looks like your ass is NAKED? Well, let's just say the skirt isn't helping anymore.

2. Just because you can make the material of a size 3 string bikini cover the parts that need to be legally covered, doesn't mean it FITS YOU. I am all for being happy with our bodies, no matter what their shape. But the attention you're getting as you thrust your size 20, barely covered body in our line of sight? It's not the kind you're hoping for. It's NOT. There are suits that are appropriate for everyone. A string bikini is rarely appropriate, let alone desirable.

3. If you have breasts? Then please wear something to cover them. Women are forced to. I believe men with large boobs should have the same consideration for the rest of us.


It's going to be around 90 and humid today. FINALLY, it feels like summer. Not that I want to endure the stickiness of the heat, but our neighborhood has a pool, and we have only used it about 3 times so far! I have a feeling that I will be less tempted to sit at the computer with its additional heat that radiates from it, and more time lounging by the pool, enjoying the breeze from the lake...

Can't wait to see the suit choices today!

Just Another Giveaway...

I have a new giveaway! Anyone with little kids in Illinois should click over to my review site and see what I have to offer....

Winner!

The Scrunchbump winner is Tara! But I don't have your contact information!! Contact me before Friday the 26th, or I'll have to pick another winner... :(

Congratulations!

Moments to remember...

Evan got "hypnotized" by Papa tonight. Giggling like a maniac, he pretended to do whatever Papa commanded. (Gotta remember that trick...)

Corinne said she didn't miss me at all during her special sleepover at Nana and Papa's house. She had a day with Nana at the mall, "Just the girls!" and got spoiled rotten, simply because she could be. Skipping around in her new dress, she pulled out the cotton candy she asked Nana to buy for her "brudders" when she was at the candy store. Always thinking of them, and wanting to include them in her treats...

Justin serenaded us with "Disturbia" so that Corinne and Evan could do the robot dance that accompanies it. I laughed and snorted till tears welled up... He's so like his dad. Singing, All. The. Time. Now, if I could just get him OFF of this whole "dum, dum, dee, dum" Disturbia stuff, life would be good.

Fast. Too fast. Do you realize that this year was Justin's last year for Cub Scout day camp? (of course you didn't.) Do you realize that this means he is, like, GROWING UP? STILL? As in, he hasn't reached an age that he will stay at. As in, no one reaches an age they stay at... As in, change, change, change...

Too much for my head tonight. Too many thoughts. Too many feelings. Too much time to think by myself...
~~~
We have nothing but wide open days for 4 weeks. An occasional bbq or bridal shower, and then BlogHer! Hopefully the Illinois weather will cooperate and we will be at the pool more than we're home. Seriously. Because if I have to listen to Justin complain about the weather one more time? I will be locking him in the basement until a heat wave arrives...