Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Resurrected

Do you ever wander through your draft folder and find a gem? Well, this may not be a "gem" but it made me smile today and so, I shall post it, exactly as I found it, even though I know I had intentions to "do" something else to it, hence the prior draft status.

Motherhood has taught me many things:

Never ignore a silent 3 year old. And always acknowledge them when they quietly smile at you and say "Mommy, it's raining in da living woom."

Always smell that damp towel before you bury your dripping wet face in it. AL.WAYS. Just trust me on this one.

Tampons can be launched a distance of more than 3 feet.

No matter how painful a break up was for you as a teenager, it is far more agonizing to witness heartbreak happening to your own child.

Adaptation is the key to survival.

I didn't realize when I became a mother in 1999 that I would be learning as much as I would be teaching. 

Just because tampons fly through the air really well does NOT give you the right to make them into rocket launchers!"

"I can swear as much as I want! When you pay the bills, you can swear, too. Until then; you are NOT allowed to chase your brother singing about the 'crapload of laundry' Mommy has left to finish, comprende?"

"I do NOT like your brother better than I like you, but today, you sure do make that difficult to say with an honest heart!"

"No playing with maxi pads, either!"

"Why is there glitter in my freshly washed bra? No, seriously. There's glitter in my bra. Who did this?"

"Put down the cat, Corinne! That yowling and thrashing he's doing? That means he doesn't like it!"

"I know, 'Tom Sawyer' sucks. You've told me. Repeatedly. Now read it."

"If you're going to sing the song, sing it correctly. It's not 'I'll teach your mama to crack eggs.' Trust me on this one."

"Hey, 5 year old: bring your momma her wine glass..."

"PUT DOWN THE CAT!"

"Is it Friday yet?
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