Sunday, July 06, 2014

Judgy Judge

Question: Do you spend time judging other people? Like, if they are dropping their kids off late to school or their daughter has crazy hair and mismatched socks, do you actually think "What a horrible mother! Can't do anything right!" ??  Because I know that I don't. In fact, I don't think that most of us do. I think that most of us are actually pretty much only interested in our own lives and how to manage getting ourselves and our families from the morning to the evening with more laughter and happiness than tears and anger. I know that those are my goals, every single day.

There seems to be a theme amongst parents that we can assume to know what others are thinking. I read it online and I hear in person, almost every single day. Phrases like: "All of those judgmental looks I was getting! I could FEEL them staring at my back as I ran my kids in late" are commonplace. I can't seem to get away from the complaints that people are always judging others.

But... Are they? If no one has SAID anything to you (and this is only the topic I'm referring to, here), then how do you KNOW? If the only place you "hear" the judgmental phrases is in your own head, then isn't the judgy-McJudgerson...YOU?

If I am staring off into space with a bitchy look on my face as you happen to straggle by with a whining 4 year old and a pre-teen who is acting like a toddler, perhaps that bitchy look isn't because I am judging YOU but because I happen to have BRF (BitchyRestingFace). Maybe that expression is because I am having a really bad day and my foot hurts and I don't know how I'm going to get my errands done before I have to pick up my kids from their activities? Maybe I am hung over or have the flu. Maybe there are a million other reasons why I might look less than chipper at the moment you herded your brood across my path. Most likely, I am oblivious to your kids acting like kids because I am actually alone and able to not listen to my OWN kids acting like kids. Most likely, I couldn't give one fart about your children and your issues because my mind is full of my own issues.

This is not to say that I don't judge people. We all do. But I really think our worst critics are ourselves and the way we think that others perceive us. Since you cannot ever know what is inside of another's mind, why even waste your time trying to figure it out?
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