Wednesday, April 16, 2014

When do they start listening to their mother?

"Hey, guys! GUYS! Up! Up! Up! Get up and get dressed; we only have 30 minutes till we have to go!"

Silence.

"GUYS! NOW."

Brush my hair. Powder my nose. Hear nothing from the other room and so I call out,

"Evan and Corinne?!? Are you moving?"

Silence.

"HELLOO!?!? CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?"

Grunts acknowledge me. Barely.

Once they are finally vertical, the process still seems to be centered around the idea that nothing can get accomplished in the morning until I have yelled it. It should be noted that I never START with the yelling, though they will probably "remember" these days quite differently when they own their own blogs in about 20 years. Let posterity show that I START the conversation as such:

"Please change your shirt, put on CLEAN socks and shoes, brush your teeth and be standing by the front door with your book. Do you hear me? Hello? Evan??!?"

3 minutes later, I see him sitting on the couch, petting the cat, wearing filthy socks and last night's shirt.

"HEY! Change your shirt, socks and shoes, brush your teeth and go stand by the front door with your book!! Hurry up!"

Repeat the same conversation to his sister, twice.

8 minutes have passed.

I am almost done with make up and hair and am looking for my travel coffee mug when they both race past me in various states of "readiness." They're laughing hysterically because Corinne has a box on her head and Evan is shouting "left! right!" as directions. I'm kind of getting livid at this point because, as we all know, NO ONE has listened to me all morning long.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, Get ready!! How many times!?!? How many times do I have to ask you before you do what needs to be done?!? WHY do you only respond to me when I have resorted to shouting?!?!"

Ever have that issue? Ever have the problem of children just not listening to their mother?

Well come on over, then. Sit down and let's commiserate.

In fact, I have just the show for you that's all about this problem and the problems (and joys) that motherhood brings. Every single ticket purchased will have 10% of the proceeds donated to a local charity called RecoveryOnWater.org which is a rowing-exercise program that provides emotional and physical assistance for women who have been through treatment for breast cancer. BUT TODAY (until 8 pm CST), we are donating 20% of all ticket proceeds to ROW!! That means that you can come to an amazing show, where people will ACTUALLY BE LISTENING TO MOTHERS and help out an even MORE amazing charity, all in one fell swoop!

Please visit our site for more information on Listen To Your Mother, or head directly to the Ovationtix.com site to purchase your tickets before 8 pm (CST) tonight! Pass it on!
Photo credit Balee Images


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