This post is one of those posts where I am aiming to make YOU, the reader, feel better about yourself. And, trust me, after realizing what I DID? You will be able to shake your head and smirk in utter superiority and say "Well, at least I never did THAT. I can't be THAT bad!"
I have never gone anywhere by myself. As in, anywhere. I have never gone on a trip without family and never went on a business trip (back in the day). For me to spend money on myself for BlogHer was completely out of character. Even though Patrick was always pushing me to do SOMEthing for myself, I never made the move or had the guts to spend our sparse "spending" money on ME. At least, not THAT much money! BlogHer is expensive!
Of course, the joy of paying for it with mostly my own money earned from writing articles and blog ads (hey! Advertisers! Lots of space on that sidebar! Hint! Hint!) was short-lived when, within a week of cementing the tickets, Patrick lost his job.
Irony. It never goes out of style.
He refused to let me cancel (which I reallllly didn't want to, anyway) and I kept the reservations, etc. We arranged for sitters for the kids for the entire weekend as Patrick works nights at his new job and wouldn't be available to take care of them until Saturday night, anyway. Everything was set. My roomie was paid for my share of the room (again, my paypal account is reaaalllly low. ADVERTISERS interested??), I scrounged through my pathetic wardrobe and found 3 outfits that aren't too embarrassing (except for shoes. I may be barefoot at BlogHer...) and have never been more excited for something in a looooong time.
A quick check to the BlogHer site to see how we get the tickets (mail? pick-up at the front desk? please let me know!) and I did a double take on the dates....
Holy. F'ing. Shit.
For about 6 months, I have had the WRONG WEEKEND written on my calendar!
To make matters even more upsetting? The weekend that BlogHer is actually on? Is the weekend of Patrick's best friend's wedding.
Holy Holy Holy...
Remember yesterday's swinging pendulum? Picture it detaching and smashing into chunks the shape and size of me all over my computer desk.
A blubbering mess, I began to leave phone messages for everyone I could contact. Our original sitter couldn't help, she was going to the wedding! My mom was out of town and working that weekend. Pat's aunt wasn't at her phone. My sister finally answered and agreed to take the kids on Thursday evening overnight until Patrick can pick them up on Friday afternoon (when he wakes up). The final and last piece of the puzzle that must fall into place for this whole circus to run smoothly is for Patrick to get Friday night off. He asked for it off months ago. We're STILL waiting to find out and if he can't? Well. If he can't, I probably won't be at BlogHer and we still wouldnt' be able to go to the wedding easily, anyway. If he can't, I'll be out hundreds of dollars that we REALLY didn't have available to spend on, oh, NOTHING.
But he will.
He WILL get the night off. He will take the kids to the wedding without me... I hate that. I wanted to see our friends cement their long relationship with vows and a ring and the dress and the dancing... I wanted to doll up Corinne in her fancy pink dress. I wanted to see my kids attending their first wedding.
I hate that no matter which choice I made, I would be hurting inside. But really, this weekend away is about more than just the money spent. It's about me validating the one thing I truly enjoy doing. It's about me standing up and saying "Yes! I am important in this household and I do deserve a chance to do something for myself. Not for my kids, or my family, or my marriage, but for ME."
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