Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I wasn't quite ready....

It doesn't mean I don't love them, but I wasn't ready to come home on Monday. I definitely "found myself" again at Indy, but I wasn't happy to return to the other stuff. If anything, that brief snippet of freedom has pushed me down. I long to be sitting alone with Patrick again, just talking and laughing and looking into his eyes...

Especially when I find out that the youngest 2 children were less than well behaved for Grandma. Especially when I just needed something to be easy for a change. It would have been nice to end my short bit of "vacation" with a pleasant report, that's all. I mean, I wasn't happy to be back as it was, let alone to have to be embarrassed at my own kids' behavior the moment I walked through the door.

Today simply continued that fabulous return to reality when Justin absolutely, positively flipped the freak out. Over what? I have no clue. HE has no clue. He even said so. Rather, he sobbed so. Then he blamed his lack of Xbox on his depressed status. That, of course, didn't go over well with me. "The family can't stop for one person" I said, and MADE him go to homeschool club even though he insisted he wouldn't have fun or learn anything while he was there. Funny thing, though; the moment he walked in? He began to help with the art project (shaving crayons to make melted wax paper butterflies). He and 4 other boys put their heads together and created several projects with the boxes that were left over from the butterfly habitats the group created (we're all getting caterpillars soon). And what do you know? They all had a blast. And, (GASP!) maybe even LEARNED something! Even though Justin denied it the moment we left...

And Corinne continued the lovely evening by smacking Evan and involving him in a fight over... I don't know. Does it matter? No. The point is, she went to bed early and I got to sit in my room matching socks for over an hour. Welcome to Reality.

Whatever. I honestly don't care.

I lie. I do care. And because of the public nature of this blog and the people that I know who read it, I cannot go into much more detail about my dark mood. Just let it be said that I am under no illusion that my kids are perfect. THANK GOD. They throw tantrums, and they fight. They question and expect things to be "fair". They are NORMAL. But it still stings when someone else doubts their good aspects or focuses on their bad ones.**

**To clarify as I have hurt the feelings of someone I love deeply: This was NOT referring to my mother-in-law's reports or feelings about her grandkids. This was referring to comments that a random person in my life made that just rubbed me raw after hearing about the kids' actions for Grandma and then Justin's pre-teen angst flip-out. I am not used to having people I know be immediately affected by the blog. Though I have kept my mouth shut on several posts, I see now that I need to make a better effort to be even more discreet and cautious. I apologize....
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