Friday, March 20, 2015

On Feeling Sad

Sometimes the world reminds you of just how unstable a human life is. Tiny and precious details crumble in front of your eyes and there is nothing, NOTHING, you can "do" about it.

Babies develop brain tumors.

Mothers lose their breasts.

Marriages dissolve in courthouses.

Lonely people grow lonelier and hungry people don't seem to grow at all.

"Overwhelming" is such an insignificant word... It's almost insulting, to be honest. Linguistics shouldn't count in a post like this. I should be able to just say "I feel sad" and people will know that I actually mean "I feel fucking devastated and furious and flattened by the lack of change I can make in ANY of the situations that are currently affecting the people I care about."

It's March, so everything outside is a monotony of gray and beige. It's bland. March is BLAND, to the naked eye's first glance. It's the second glances that remind me that, no matter HOW depressing the landscape can be, changes will occur. Buds will form and crocuses will push through. Beneath that gray, good things are happening. Beauty will return with warm morning breezes and lemonade in the afternoon.

The enormity of the Earth, and its lack of regard for our individual crises, somehow soothes me. Knowing I don't matter on the grand scheme actually helps me to center myself. I don't need to be a big influence in The World. I need to be a big influence in MY world.

I know that I'm trying; I hope I'm succeeding.

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