Raw

"Mommy, I'm making toast; do you want some, too?"

"Thank you, Corinne. Yes, I'd like one piece, please."

"Do you want it buttered and with cinnamon?"

"Definitely! Thank you."

"Oh, also, do you want it cooked or raw?"

pause

"Raw? Do you mean.... just... bread?"



~Still not feeling like my writing mojo is back, but I have tons of things in my head I need to record. It may be time to start up a new handwritten journal....

Right Here, Right Now

The constant search for quiet. It's funny, isn't it? The most intangible asset is often the most valuable. It's become less complicated to orchestrate a silent moment. Now that the children are older and it is perfectly acceptable to shove them out the door into the muddy back yard in hopes of "having peace," I am capable of being still in silence more often. This isn't to say that the quiet lasts for any respectable amount of time. More often than not, and only moments later, they have tromped through the kitchen with wintry mud; bits of desperate grass randomly deposited from front door to back.

It's 8:02. It's quiet-ish. The incessant rat-a-tat-tat from the Xbox provides a less-than-lovely soundtrack for my morning. Corinne is singing Taylor Swift in the computer room. Justin is barely stirring and I am mentally calculating exactly how long I have to wait before entering his teenaged bear cave to wake him up for our homeschool co-op. shudders I think I'll heat up my coffee, instead.

Last night, the yard was covered in just enough snow to disguise the doggy doo and shredded lawn. Why now? Why snow, NOW, finally, when we are fed up with the lack of it and desire nothing more than to move on with our lives into Spring? Screw you, Climate Change.

I just ate the last of the Tagalongs that my niece delivered this weekend. Oops. Thankfully, the family "helped" me eat them (and by 'helped' I mean 'ate 1 each') so I don't feel TOO guilty. Actually, I don't feel guilty at all. I NEEDED THAT CHOCOLATE FIX.

I do believe that today will be a braided hair day, i.e. a day in which I try to stretch how long I can go between washes of my hair. Bet you're all happy you live on the other side of the world, now, eh? Eh?

I am totally tempted to hit delete on this post, but it is times like today that I have to remind myself that this blog is my Journal, and not some literary site. So, it's been a string of unexciting, trivial words? So be it.

Saturday tidbits

Got lost trying to find the parking lot for my NBC thingy today. Managed to drive around the Wacker/Michigan Ave/Ohio Street area for about 20 minutes, looking for the dang parking lot. I finally found a pay to park spot for 75 cents (score) and RAN to the studio, 15 minutes late. If I appear somewhat flustered and forget a few key points that I wanted to focus on, it's because I had been swearing at the top of my lungs just moments before in my van.

Great way to start the day, right?

~~
The kids planted some seedlings and they are slowly popping their way through the squishy dirt. How does one "grow" lettuce, anyway? Because we've got seedlings in my living room window. And I fear that they may require a lot of work...

~~

Evan and his buddy at the gift shop of the Navy Pier's Children's Museum reading a book with LOTS of interest...

~~

Mmmmm.... chicken soup's on the stove top. Evan isn't feeling so fabulous today, so I stayed home from Justin's soccer game to take care of him and finish cleaning the house (which is why I'm on the computer. Yeah...) for Justin's birthday party (tomorrow!). It smells divine. Hope it helps Evie feel better...The last picture before he turned 13. I am not doing well with that number. Not at all...

~~

Sitting in the last drops of today's sunshine, drinking wine from a coffee mug. Time to do the dishes; time to shake this disconnected feeling...My sunshine buddy. She and I spend every afternoon chasing the rays across the room...

Too pooped to party

It's been a long week.

To put it mildly.

Patrick's been out of town. We've left the windows open and the front door unlocked twice. Thankfully, I also forgot to post the sign outside that said "Single, unarmed woman inside! Burglars and psychos, please use the front door!" so we managed to not get murdered and/or mutilated.

The weather has gone from 95 and sunny to 45 and frigid in just under 5 days. Hello, Autumn! In the process of digging out all of our fall clothing, I realized that I purchased the wrong size jeans for Justin. Even though his favorite pair of jeans is ONE SIZE, all of the other jeans that I bought in the same OR LARGER sizes do not fit. AT ALL. As in, the inseam is off, the waist band is crazily small and the legs don't look quite kosher. AWESOMESAUCE. We must venture into the men's department to get the proper fit. I can only assume that this will mean more money. Because anything else wouldn't fit with Murphy's Law.

I feel as though I drove 200 miles and didn't actually "go" anywhere. Well, besides a field trip to an atomic accelerator laboratory, jazz AND ballet, the grocery store twice (even though I somehow didn't purchase a single entire meal), rescued a dog from the terrors of a 4-lane highway, Chicago's Science and Industry Museum, and worked at a children's clothing sale (where I bought those jeans that don't fit my son). So technically? I guess I did go places. But it feels incredibly circular.

I had to cancel on two blogging functions this weekend due to no sitters and no husband home. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Evan is now sleeping away his "too tired for schoolwork" agony on the couch. I guess he really DIDN'T feel good, after all? Oops. Not really my fault, though. The whole "Boy who cried Wolf" kid had NOTHING on my middle child. NOTHING.

To be fair, some good stuff DID balance it out a bit. I got to snuggle my nephews while my sister attended a meeting(though that reignited the baby sighs for a bit...), have dinner with my sisters sans children and took my kids to my parents' house for the final swim at Nana and Papa's pool. We also had way too many sleepovers in my bedroom which meant that every chilly morning found us burrowing our icy feet down into our covers for a later start to our days. (i.e. my idea of a Perfect Day).

Basically, though? I miss my husband. Nothing's quite the same without him here and I am ready for this whole week to be OVER.

Can't even think up a proper title...

I have felt so unmotivated lately.

I start a project, hoping to "get into it" only to find myself wandering the house aimlessly, project half finished and being scattered about by the children.

Patrick called me today on his way home from work to go show a couple of houses for his "hobby" as a realtor. (Obviously, he's pulling more weight in this family than I am...)

"Whatcha doin?"

"Meh. Just painting a stool."

"A stool? You're painting a stool?"

"I had no desire to accomplish anything important today, AGAIN, so I built the stool that's been sitting unassembled on my shelf. Since I had some blue paint, I started to paint it. So I'm painting a stool."

"Oh."

End conversation.

I KNOW. Riveting stuff, right?

There isn't anything wrong, I'm just... Meh. The sun hasn't been out, so I haven't been out. The kids are missing their friends that moved and have been grumpy and listless, so I'm grumpy and listless. And I'm unable to enjoy any project I'm working on, no matter how many I begin. I mean, USUALLY when I hack away at the growth that is our front "garden", I walk away from it feeling like a superstar! You should see the amount of vegetation I'm referring to - it's phenomenal. This week though? After 2 hours of clipping branches and pulling weeds and pruning flowers? Nothing.

No joy.

No pride.

Just... Meh.

I need a shot or a pill or something. It should probably be legal but I'm almost willing to try something that borders on the edge, just to pull me out of my funk and back into appreciating every single day I get to live on this Earth...

Spring is finally HERE

There is something awesome about having kids that are old enough to run in and out of the house, shouting out "I'll be at my friend's house!" before they slam the door. Granted, this age also means that there are usually just as many extra kids inside MY house as ones I have birthed, but I'm ok with that. The noise volume is definitely cranked up when that happens, but it's a price I'm happy to pay for the hours of absolute SILENCE when they're all outside.

Naturally, as soon as I sat down to type this, my 3 plus 2 spares came in from the beautiful outdoors to muck up the house. Sigh... I totally jinxed myself, didn't I?

That said, it is GORGEOUS outside! About 55 and sunny, sunny, sunny! We have so many outside plans for the upcoming weeks and I cannot WAIT to get rid of this winter pallor that March always bestows upon my face. Yikes. I am pale and look just... unhealthy. Gimme some Vitamin D!

I haven't felt the writing bug lately. I mean, I've written, but it's just not... good. It's not. I hesitate to proclaim that I am on a "bloggy break" because I'm NOT but I am definitely on a "blog staycation." Meaning I'm here, but not at work. Yeah, A Blog Staycation. Present but not performing. I wonder; if I had a laptop that I could bring out into the sunshine, would I want to write more and write with FEELING? Eh. I am kind of blah about that, one way or the other.