Monday, October 29, 2012

Traditions, traditions.

"Mommy, can we buy a pumpkin and carve it and put it on our doorstep like we did at Grandma's house?"

"Maybe next week, Rinny. Let's wait till Evan gets back from his trip, ok?"

"Ok!" She happily skips down the grocery aisle to poke at the bananas and potatoes, completely unaware that she has been lied to by her own mother.

I always say that traditions are what hold us together; that they are what keep your children coming back each year once they've grown. I have always believed this to be true and often marvel at how many of my own childhood memories revolve around some random tradition my own family observed. And yet? I'm just not into it anymore.

I feel so horrible saying that.

I'm hopeful that I will change my mind and embrace the traditions we've established over 13 years of parenting. But I think of Halloween decorations and birthday balloons and Christmas lights and wrapping paper and I just... can't... get behind it.

If the traditions are the glue that keep the family together, but the traditions themselves are shockingly meaningless; What does that say? What does that mean about the value of my life? I know that I am more than paper pumpkins taped to windows one week and left to fade and peel away the next.

I started this post about 2 weeks ago and found that I just couldn't finish it. The oomph isn't in the cards for me right now. I think I am gonna bow out for a bit and just post picture after picture until I feel "bloggish" again. Don't miss me too much, ok?


Mom24 said...

Hang in there. Hope it gets better too. The traditions aren't meaningless, for me, the meaning is what it does for my children. They get so much joy--joy in the actions, but joy too in the stability of carrying on the traditions. That's why I keep going through the motions. Trust me, after 28 years of Jack-O-Lanterns and pumpkin farms and Christmas trees and all of that, I honestly most years would rather skip it, but that's not fair to my 12 and 10 year olds for whom it's still exciting and thrilling and magical and they deserve that.

Anyway, plenty of empathy and hope you find your blogging mojo again soon.

Gianna Rae said...

Sometimes you just need to stop to start appreciating it again. And sometimes you don't do the tradition for yourself but for the ones who ask for them. Either way, don't worry about it.
Just ride this wave in the stage you are in.

Kat said...

I think it is because traditions (and making memories) takes a lot of work (mostly for mama). It is exhausting. And there are expectations. And you just wonder what they are really getting out of it. But more than anything it is about making memories for my kids. That's why I do it. Some years I am more excited about it than others. It depends on how much energy I have. ;)

I remember when I got to be a little older (maybe high school) and my mom didn't even feel like putting up the Christmas tree anymore. I thought she was being the biggest scrooge. Now I get it. It is really just SO MUCH WORK sometimes, especially when you are the one doing it all. ;)

When I get the blahs over the holidays I just try to remind myself how special this time is for my kids, and that soon they won't care about any of the decorations and treats and will be too old to go trick or treating, and then I will wish for it all back again.

StephLove said...

I'm sorry for the funk. I have been in and out of one for several months. Doing the things you usually do sometimes helps, even if it feels like you're on autopilot when you start.

Frosted Fingers said...

I understand. I have 2 uncarved pumpkins on my table outside.

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