Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Pfftt.

Almost a week since I've written.

Why?

Hmmmm...

If I say I've been "off" emotionally, will that make you worry about me? I hope not; Don't worry. I'm not suicidal or manic or any other psychologically "scary" thing. I'm just... off.

You know; crying because your 13 yr old slighted you (again). Mindlessly wandering around the house and then being shocked because an entire day has gone by and you don't remember any of it. Trying to motivate yourself into doing something, anything, so you end up cooking a 5 course meal that doesn't get eaten around the table like you'd envisioned - so you cry again. Getting a jokey text from your husband and taking it seriously only to find out it's a joke and then? You cry at gymnastics.

That kind of shit.

I talked to a really good friend the other day on the phone. We laughed and talked and had a great conversation. I hung up the phone, flopped on the bed and asked Patrick "Why am I so freaking sad?"

Ahhhh.... hormones. Ahhhh.... Life's fluctuations. I so adore the valleys. They are Such. Fun. with their shadowy ditches.

At least this low cycle isn't motivated by anything "real". It is actually easier for me to understand that it's just my mood and not the rest of the world/family/etc. that is the issue. Nothing needs to be fixed. Nothing needs to be done, other than hiding underneath several blankets in an over-air-conditioned house. I just want to curl up for a few days. I know it'll pass eventually.

Instead, I have to force myself to drag reluctant kids to lessons they love, and on outings they'll enjoy if only they'd get their butts in gear. Once we get to where we're going, I am generally "fine". In fact, I may be laughing uproariously and you'll think "What is she talking about? She's FINE."

Whatever.

I kind of lost my train of thought here. I kind of had a point. I kind of don't care anymore.

7 comments:

Mark said...

Please know that I'll keep you in my thoughts as I fall asleep tonight.
I hope you sleep well and tomorrow is much brighter.
Your Friend, Mark

Melisa Wells said...

We need a Google hangout. :) xoxoxo

Let me know if you need anything. And I'm around tomorrow, believe it or not, if you wanna chat!

AM said...

Oh I so understand the hormone thing..I'm in the throws of 'THE" change. Somedays I do not know how anyone survives this.

The Empress said...

Please email me anytime.

I go through this daily.

It's a fight. My triggers are many: mostly, how quickly my children grow and my days fly by.

And comparison: I cannot compare myself to others and what they do.

So, please email me. Because there, I can really hear you.

And I want to hear you.

Deb said...

Gah. I'm right there with you sister. Just this morning I had a giant text message arguement with my husband, only to wonder what the heck I was so upset about 6 hours later.

Hormones need to step off.

I SAID STEP OFF.

Sabrina said...

You are speaking my mind friend. I sometimes say those exact words...why am I so sad?? And I can't pinpoint any real reason so that just makes me more blah. Call me neighbor....we will perk each other up. I promise!

Marie said...

Oh Tracey, how I've missed you! I totally get what you mean, and I'm better once I'm around other people, too. I've decided I need something that is my own, so I hope I'm back to blogging. I can't use my son as an excuse anymore, I have the time during the day!

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