Tuesday, March 08, 2011

I'd really enjoy it in black and white, please...

I have vivid dreams.

Heh. That is such an understatement!! I don't really know how else to qualify their intensity but let's just say that I have woken up laughing, sobbing, furious, confused, and, um, ecstatic*.

So when I have a horrific dream like I did on Friday night, it really affects me. Friday night was... devastating. I have cried many times since then. I've drawn out the location of the dream because we are NEVER going there. I have attempted to explain it to my poor husband who got to experience the hysteria first hand as he was trying to go to work... I really don't want to get into details but just know that it incapacitated me, to say the least. I am still trying to clean up the house in its aftermath of neglect.

Needless to say, I would gladly trade these technicolor dreams for some blackness at night time. Just a few nights of my head hitting the pillow and then the sun waking me up 8 hours later. Nothing in between. Especially since even the lovely dreams can make me feel blue. I woke up this morning smiling with my hands over my stomach, waiting to feel the baby move again. I started to freak out at the large amount of wine I'd imbibed over the weekend to combat the evil images. And then... oh yeah. Not pregnant. DREAM-pregnant. Not real, Tracey.

Damn.

Not that I want to be pregnant! Just... well, it doesn't take long for women like me to latch onto the idea of another baby. We figure out the details of who's going to sleep where and names and finances and how will this fit into my schedules etc. etc. We make it work.

Instead, again, I feel like I've had a baby ripped from my womb.



*Yes. That means what you think it means. And yes, that is a small benefit...

16 comments:

Megryansmom said...

I had the strangest dream last night and it still has me so upset. I hope we both have some happy dreams soon.

Katie said...

My water broke on my second pregnancy as a result of one of those "exciting" dreams. My midwife had been telling me to have marital relations to bring on labor. When she asked if that was what finally did the trick I had to say, "Well, not EXACTLY..."

CJ said...

I've woken sobbing and terrified. Dreams can be SO powerful!!

Jenn said...

I have a book filled with the many dreams I have had that have shaken my "reality".
Bombs going off and me saving people from them. Walking through mental institutions trying to find a place to hide? Really bizarre weird stuff. And sometimes it becomes a part of my waking life, a dream that becomes reality, a premonition? I don't like those ones!

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

I very very rarely remember my dreams - only a handful of times a year and even then it's usually fuzzy - so I cannot relate. I just hope that you have some happier dreams soon and that this feeling passes.

As well, I wanted to thank you for pointing out on my site that a woman in the trenches of depression should call 9-1-1. I have no idea how I managed to overlook that, but I have amended my post to include it. Thank you.

nmaha said...

I completely get you. My mood for the day is totally dependent on what I dreamed about the previous night. At times the anxiety from a dream hangs on for so long I can't even remember what I'm anxious about!
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mep said...

I used to have crazy, memorable dreams that stuck with me. However, I've been so short on sleep the past three years that I don't think I'm dreaming or, at least, not remembering that I did in the morning.

I hope you can shake your bad dream from the other night. I can relate to that no baby sadness. I don't want to be pregnant either, but if I thought I really was, even for a little bit, I'd be sad to realize I wasn't.

Scary Mommy said...

I hate dreams like that which leave you shaken for days. I had one recently and it's still bothering me. Here's to dreams of chocolate and spa visits!

Shari said...

Most nights I don't get enough unbroken sleep to even dream. I might be happy about that now.

WhisperingWriter said...

I've had some pretty scary dreams too.

I prefer dreaming about chocolate and such.

Michelle said...

I totally get that. I've been there but (fortunately?) I've found that being completely exhausted does keep me from dreaming and/or remembering my dreams. Sometimes.

Stacia said...

I hate crying in my dreams. Unless, it's, ahem, ecstatic crying.

Ramona said...

they say (no clue who "they" is) vivid dreams is a sign of high intelligence! but i hear you, i have had a terrible dream that was so real it took days to get over...even weeks

Genevieve Mama Natural said...

I've gone through stages where I actually dreaded going to bed because my dreams were so tramatic. And I *love* to sleep! For me though I was going through a stressful time and it showed up in my dreams. Perhaps doing some relaxation before bedtime would help? Peace to you.

anymommy said...

It's amazing what happens in our psyche nightly. I'm sorry it hit you so hard - having even a dream baby ripped away is painful. xo.

Supermodel Blogger said...

I have vivid dreams too. While I was pregnant they became so real. Now I often wake and look through my covers trying to find my baby. And then I realize... oh yeah, I dreamed that.

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