Saturday, September 25, 2010

Paper Cuts

I've got a bunch of scars. Physical and figurative, they made me who I am today...

The one on my chin? Bike accident at age 8. The tree got in my path and I forgot that I could stop with my brakes instead of putting my arms in front of me.

There's the long incision across my belly where they cut out the cysts that left a numbness on both the surrounding skin and my psyche.

The silvery stretch marks that etch my stomach and thighs prove that I grew 3 human beings within a fairly small body.

Some scars are so deep and personal that no one else can see where the wound was. No one else notices the build-up of figurative scar tissue around my heart.

They say that scar tissue is stronger and more resilient. I've heard that it's much more difficult to cut through thick scar tissue....

Why then is it so easy for this particular wound to be reopened? Especially since I know that I will not allow myself to be re-hurt by the same situation. I won't. I am taking the high road and all that by disengaging before the situation is even recognized.

But the memory of the former pain still has the ability to paper cut my heart's scar tissue, over and over and over.

In my opinion? Paper cuts are the worst as they deceive one and all. Their real power is in how tiny they appear to be and how unexpectedly they arrive.

Screw this situation and the old pain. Screw the memories that cannot be changed or fixed. They are what they are. Sometimes you need to remember that you walked away from that situation to preserve yourself and your family's welfare.

Remember, remember, remember.

Maybe next time, the scar will be thick enough that my nerves can't be affected, no matter how many paper cuts it receives.


Angie, "Yo' Navy Mama." said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Angie, "Yo' Navy Mama." said...

Geeze, Tracey...this is a fantastic post, though I'm sorry that something which causes you great pain inspired it. Thank you for opening yourself up like that.

anymommy said...

You have every right to say no more and walk away from a situation that has hurt you before. I hope you did. And I'm sorry it hurt.

nmaha said...

This is a very meaningful post. I set myself up for the same emotional scars again and again. I just can't seem to avoid those situations.

I can feel your pain, your not alone.

Thanks for sharing so honestly.

CaraBee said...

Walking away is SO hard, but it sounds like it is the smart course of action here. Hugs!

Kamis Khlopchyk said...

Man, that was hard to read because I wish your pain away. I love your analogy to paper cuts, it is so suiting.

Walking away is often the best thing to do but also, the hardest.

Alexandra said...

wonderful post.

Send this on to mamapedia and NO LIE.

Do it now.

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