Sunday, August 02, 2009

"My Sink is dirty" or "Why FlyLady is on Crack"

FlyLady. Ever hear of that website? For the uninformed, it's a site dedicated to helping you not only clean your house but KEEP it organized. It's all about changing the way you live, becoming one with your chores, all while completely sober. Like a cult. With dishrags.

I was intrigued. I mean, I would LOVE for my home to be clean(ish)! Maybe this FlyLady gal could convince me that I don't despise laundry. Perhaps this site would redirect the urine stream of the males in this household to actually go INTO the toilet, so I wouldn't have to scrub it off the cracks and crevices behind it! (Which, I have to ask; WHAT THE HELL? Who designed toilets? A MAN. That's who. A man who never has to scrape dried pee from tiny nooks and crannies. If a woman had designed the toilet, it would be streamlined and straight. No nesting grounds for bodily fluids to congregate. MEN! Gah...)

FlyLady: Getting Started.

Go Shine Your Sink. Hmmmm. The premise behind a clean sink is that if you have at least ONE THING clean in the morning, you won't feel quite as depressed and ready to slit your wrists when surveying the towering pile of dishes awaiting scrubbing. I actually see the validity in this point. I mean, I DID clean the sink and then the counters and Hey! Before I knew it, the kitchen was pretty damn clean! Holy Shit. I LOVE FLY LADY. I am an instant convert! Give me that Kool-Aid now!!!

I was so hyped, I had to jump to Day 2. This lady was AWE.SOME. What genius idea would she have next?!?

Get Dressed to Lace Up Shoes. Ok. I was really confused. Southern ladies, is this common language?? "Lace up shoes?" When I read that she wanted me to GET DRESSED as in clean and make-up with shoes and hair and, and... Well. I actually laughed at Miss Fly. Surely she wasn't talking to ME!?!? Seriously? I forgave her for this little discrepancy as I knew she didn't really "know" me. She didn't realize that I don't have the DESIRE to get "dressed up" every day. And that if I could really find the TIME to get dressed and made-up, then I damn well wouldn't be scrubbing my kitchen SINK!

There must be a good point coming up. Right? I skipped ahead through the remaining 30 days to see what she had in store for me. (Best line in the entire site: "Nothing says I love you like clean underwear." Actually, LOTS of things say I LOVE YOU more than clean underwear. Such as a big bottle of wine and a babysitter. Well, the babysitter wouldn't be sharing the bottle of wine with me. But you get the picture. This conversation doesn't really fit in right here, but it was too awesome to let it lie on the blog edit floor. As if I really have an editing floor. Could you imagine if I did, though? The little bits and pieces of blogs that never made it, scattered amidst the granola bar wrappers and unpaid bills... Hey, it's MY blog, damnit. I'll digress as long as I want to.)

Days 3-31 contain such genius ideas as "putting paper in a binder" to make a journal of cleaning ideas, posting sticky notes all over my already cluttered house and allowing myself 15 minutes a day to do whatever I want.

Again I laughed. Surely she jests? What the hell does FlyLady think I am doing on the freaking internet??? This is my time! I find time for myself!! That is not the problem. The problem is HOW DO I MAKE THIS MESS GO AWAY?? How do I KEEP it away?

And how can I accomplish this feat without ever doing any cleaning myself??
She continues on to say that this will make my life easier if only I read through their 15-20 EMAILS A DAY. As though I don't have enough junk mail each day to scan, she wants to add MORE chores to my list?!? And expect me to scrub my freaking sink, too???

Honestly. Within an hour I had crushed on FlyLady harder than I crushed on Mikey in the 7th grade (he was so cute!) and broken up with her faster than the guy who hid the whole "I sell cocaine but it's not a big deal, right?" in high school.

And so I am back to living in a cluttered, messy home. The papers are strangling my desk. There are Cheerios crushed into the carpet. My bathrooms were cleaned 2 days ago, but are showing signs of pee on the floor by now. And my sink? My sink is dirty. And I am ok with that.


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25 comments:

TheEclecticElement said...

Those are all great points! I can see where they all have a basis-I'll have to check into this website more :D I'm always searching for things that will make my mum's life easier!
Thanks for the recommendation!!

Manic Mommy said...

FlyLady is absolutely on crack. Did we hit the Way-Back Machine to 1955?

Tracey said...

I love your blog and I'm a TRACEY too.

Rebecca said...

I tried FlyLady a few years ago for... oh, about 10 minutes. Not designed for working women, let alone working, single mothers!! Totally agree - the chick is on CRACK!!

Marie said...

AMEN!!! I tried flylady once, the pull is amazing, but there was no substance. Now, there is an online thing that helped me keep my house cleaner in about 1 to 2 hours a day, before I was pregnant and decided it was too much effort to work through the nausea and well now I'm just out of the habit. it's called motivated moms, you print off a weeks worth of chores on one page, and check them off as you go. I skip around, and love to check off things like wash the dog when I don't have a dog! you don't clean your fridge, you clean the top shelf. It's really cool.

Anonymous said...

FlyLady is bonkers and crazy overwhelming after a few days. Never mind the insane amount of emails! lol

If you really still want something that helps I love:

www.motivatedmoms.com

It's just a chore planning chart. I have the weekly one. I print them out a few weeks at a time. I'm not always successful at keeping it all done but I like the starting point it gives me.

And once you buy it (it's cheap - 8 bucks for the year - and she lowers it to 4 half way through the year) there are no emails, no nagging. lol

:)

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

I heard of this site once and it sounded so good but as the girl went on and on talking about it she said something about it making you closer to God or something...

that's where she lost me. I am pretty sure God could care less if my house is clean and I am wearing makeup. Whether my kids are alive and happy, yes, much more important! Funny post!

Issas Crazy World said...

Cleaning your sink makes you happy in the morning she claims? Does my sink then make me coffee? Or watch the baby for an extra hour, so I can sleep in? No? Then no way man. LOL

I have this theory that a clean house is overrated when you have kids that live in it. My kitchen is generally clean, because I am just like that...but the rest of it? Eh.

JC said...

I'll take a dirty sink too! You crack me up. Love your blog!!!

Nap Warden said...

Good Lord...Cheerios are taking over my house! It doesn't matter how much cleaning I do...they are everywhere!

Hannah said...

Haha, I first heard about the Fly Lady about 8-9 years ago, and after my initial excitement, realised she was CRAZY!! I still like to shine my sink, but I NEVER wear shoes inside. Nor do I wear make-up when I'm just at home or doing the school run or grocery shopping. I also despised all the emails, and gave her the flick!! Living in a messy house is actually not that bad :-)

Mike said...

15 to 20 emails per day? Hmm.

Sounds disorganized, if you ask me.


Mike
www.mikeleonen.com
Twitter: AboutParenting

Anonymous said...

This is exactly how I viewed Fly Lady. She lost me on day 2. If I get dressed before noon, it's only because I actually have to leave the house. Other than, if you come over, expect to see me in pj's.

mom2three said...

oh that is funny! I love your toilet comment about how if a women designed it how "perfect" it would be...soooo true!
I never get dressed up when I am at home that is the nice thing of being at home!

Mojavi said...

hahahahahahah that was the best post EVER! I had the same relationship with the fly lady a couple years ago... then I got a maid.. But everytime I SHINE my sink or you know .. wipe the fucker out I think of her.... ahhhh the promises she had..

Gettysburg Mom said...

A shower every day??!?! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Allison said...

Yeah - fly lady is probably sitting in a pile of laundry, with 2 day old spaghetti sauce stuck to the microwave and a tower on dishes in her dirty sink..... cause she spends too much time thinking up idiotic solutions to try to impress Mothers.....either that or she lives alone!

Kristi said...

FlyLady and Darla Shine (Happy Housewives) need to run off to a desert island together, and live together in perfect madness.

PS: Glad you had a blast at BlogHer!

Christy said...

I am so with you. I tried Fly Lady for a little while and she drove me crazy with all of her emails. I have a husband, 2 sons, and 1 daughter - we have toilet issues too. I swear my bathroom always smells like urine. I wish I could have a girls bathroom and a boys bathroom and the boys bathroom could be maintained by the boys and out of sight from the rest of the world! My house is dusty, cluttered, and a bit messy but my kids are loved! Plus, I hate it when I walk into a house with kids and everything is perfect. I bet those kids know a lot about TV!

Elisa said...

FLYLady is friggin' NUTS. I wrote a post about her too, and like you I found some stuff inspiring, some stuff annoying and some stuff lough-out-loud ridiculous. I don't even wear any shoes in the house. And you want me to wear lace-up shoes?? Also, I don't own any lace-up shoes, because hello, I'm a WOMAN. Unless she means tennis shoes, but somehow I didn't think that was the case. And I still won't wear them inside.

Debbie said...

I tried FlyLady a couple of times, lasting (like most others) 2 days before hitting the 'unsubscribe' button. Crazy.

Tracey said...

I just found your blog...you are hysterical...I FOUND FLYLADY TOO...and I too thought what a great idea...and just as quickly realized she was on drugs...VERY FUNNY!

Alex Elliot said...

I have friends who swear by her. Personally I think the solution would be for me to hire someone to clean my house. Maybe it's not very realistic but it's more realistic than me following FlyLady!

Melanie said...

I'm subbed to Flylady. I followed it (somewhat) for about a month, and my house was cleaner. She does have some useful ideas that make some things easier. There is NO WAY I can follow all those steps long term though. It's impossible. And the daily emails drive me nuts, so I delete most of them with out even reading them!!

Thomas said...

My wife's friend is a FlyLady fan. Also, both of them love to collect housecleaning tips. I just learned from them that there are highly recommended providers of carpet cleaning services (Los Angeles-based). By the way, thanks for the funny and interesting post, Tracey!

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