Thursday, April 26, 2007


ME, in regular Mommy clothes. In the only picture taken of me (alone) in six rolls. Taken by my 5 year old...

I wonder at myself, at times. WHY do I blog? Is it truly for the journalling aspect (as I claim) or is it a desperate plea for attention (as so eloquently put here) ? Both, obviously. But, while I enjoy the camaraderie of other people who are also desperate for attention, I hate that I get this high school popularity feeling at times. Not from you guys, my LOYAL readers! No. Just a personal thing. And I have to consciously remind myself that this is the INTERNET for cryin out loud. I have REAL friends (believe it or not) and a family to take care of and love. Why am I spending so much time waiting for someone to qualify my thoughts with a comment or response to my little posts? Does it really matter if you guys like what I have to say? Does it really matter if someone thinks my "mommy blog" is stupid and inconsequential and I should get some other interests?

NO! I am who I am. This time and stage in my life will only last for a brief moment. A flicker of babyhood, preschool and grade school before POOF! It's gone. They're grown. They're off to their own lives and families and I don't want to be wishing I'd cuddled or laughed with them more. I don't want to spend my time thinking of celebrities and politics that don't interest me. I am not a gossip whore, I don't look for or needle for information. You want to share a secret with me? Cool. I'll keep it forever. But I need to get back on track with myself. No more need to validate my thoughts. No more feeling the need to post comments more often, to make some "friends." And, with that note, I am off to see what the baby is up to "I wash. I wash." which could mean a variety of things... None of them terribly good.

Oh, and if you've noticed a lot of posts showing as new, well, I've been doing a bit of editing to protect any feelings of people that may read this from my real life. It's obvious to me that the lines of the internet and RL are starting to cross, so I took necessary precautions ( Not that I was ever mean! Just leaving out some stuff that might be questionable).

And it has been raining for 2 days now. While I APPRECIATE that the new baby veggies are getting watered naturally, I would also appreciate being able to walk to school to work off these late night ice cream feasts I've been having... So. Isn't she cute in her raincoat?

"Go ouuuSIIIddeeee???Pease?"


Anonymous said...

I completely see what you mean! This blogging thing sucks you in and then you feel worthless when you don't get a bagillion comments. Lately I've been putting things more into perspective. I don't have time to read all my faves, and then also read the new bloggers that visit me, and I used to feel guilty about it and "omgosh I'm gonna lose comments!" but now I just don't mind as much. I think your blog is great!!!! :)

I'm coming home this weekend, but I'm going to be busy busy busy!!! Maybe you and I can hook up this summer sometime with the kiddos. Although summer is crazy too!!!

Melissa said...

I could have written this post :) There was a time when I checked my stat counter every few hours to see how many people were coming and going. How long did they stay? Did I get half as many comments as I did hits? Now, I don't worry. I write because I enjoy it. And I read blogs that make me laugh. End of story. I need to laugh each day and sometimes my kids don't provide that opportunity for me :) So, thanks for your blog - it makes me laugh!

Melissa said...

lol - one more thought - sorry... I was thinking about what you said... and I do feel guilty if I don't visit my "friends" blogs... I wrote about it awhile ago... but that's more of an obsessive compulsive thing for me lol

Type (little) a aka Michele said...

Total attention whore here. Just kidding. I also harbor a secret hope that I can quit my job and get paid to blog. YEAH RIGHT!!!

Just know that I read everything you write even if I don't comment. Because if I did, they'd all be "Hi. I am fine. How are you? Will you be my friend? Circle Yes or No"

So be thankful that I keep my big mouthed fingers still every once in a while.


And poor baby looking at the rain! I feel for her!

Jamie said...

The comment issue is a toughie. It does feel like a popularity contest, or an obligation some times.
I blog about what I think my family would be interested in seeing, and what I want to document for later. 99% is probably boring as can be to people who don't know us. But I can't let that stop me :)
You are right, this time time goes by so fast, and then it's gone. We have to enjoy it, and document the hell out of it, right?

Elle*Bee said...

I'm not a comment hound so it doesn't bother me if I get 1 comment or 10. Now if I get zero, I might start to wonder....

My mommy blog can be boring at times. So can my life. Big deal. That's not a complaint, actually. I've had drama in my life. I rather embrace the mundane.

I do try to check out the blogs of people who might leave a comment on mine. If I like theirs, I'll check in regularly (if not daily, then every other day), and I do try to leave a little comment if only to let them know I was there.

That said, not every blog that captures my interest keeps me entertained over the long haul, so they may drop off my faves list to be replaced with someone new. I can be fickle that way.

All told, I usually follow maybe 10 or 12 blogs at a given time. I read quickly and type quickly so that's manageable for me. It's okay that I'm not popular.

As for why I blog, it's mostly for the camaraderie and the just getting the words out there helps me process info sometimes. I really should find a way to archive or backup my blog to a CD-ROM.

Kailani said...

What a great looking family! You're daughter will one day be a great photographer. Your photo is centered! LOL!

An Island Life

Stephanie said...

I can totally relate with this post. I started blogging as a journal for myself and also for my family to watch our kids grow up.

I get a few comments - sometimes - and always love when I do. But I don't want to go out seeking them, either. Or post more of my own just so others come to mine. But that is tempting sometimes!

It could totally feel like an overwhelming popularity contest if I let it. I was quite happy to leave that behind in high school. :)

I am rambling but my main point was, "me, too!" haha. I am going to bookmark you and come back for a longer look next time. (no pressure!) hahaha

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Wow, you really seem to have tapped into a nerve here. And I have to say that your post really made me think. Why is it that when I post, every single time I worry if anyone will like or care about what I've said. I mean, am I really so insecure? ~Sigh.

Michelle said...

Great post! I initially started blogging for friends and family to keep up with us (Kayla) and then "met" so many wonderful bloggers out there. It is nice to "meet" new people, but you're right about keeping everything in perspective!

and yes she looks adorable in the raincoat!

Unknown said...

I totally hear you on this post! When I first started blogging, I couldn't understand how some people would get upwards of 30+ comments on a post with ten words. My husband would wonder, "Why do you care?" And really, why? Although I feel like I have made some good friends, my blogging was never supposed to be a way for me to validate myself as a person. It was just supposed to be an outlet for my writing, something I've always LOVED doing and a skill I hope to make a (meager) living doing.

We've all been sucked in, but I think there comes a day when you look at your family and you say to yourself, why the heck would I spend my time at the computer when I could be enjoying my REAL life with them? It all of a sudden clicks, and blogging (the stats and comments) loses its obsessive appeal.

Sheryl said...

She is so cute!! I know exactly what you mean, I've had to take SERIOUS breaks lately because of changes in our life. Blogging comes when it comes but we can't let life pass us by.

Jen said...

Good post Tracey!!!

Anonymous said...

i'm with the rest of the commenters! you're definitely not alone here. it's funny how this sucks you right in. for a while i was obsessing about writing a post every. single. day. sometimes it feels like an unpaid job, i get so stressed. haha!

i think you're blog is great! thanks for stopping by hailey's.

it looks like we're supposed to get more nice weather the next few days, maybe we'll see you out somewhere!

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