Saturday, March 01, 2014

I'd like to thank all of the little people who made this possible...

I got this photo and a few others in my inbox this morning from my sister.

My first thoughts were, "Aww. Cute baby! I wonder whose it is?" 

And then I thought, "Why is she sending ME these pictures? I don't know anyone who just had a baby, do I?"

I wracked my brain, trying to figure out who this kid belonged to but came up empty. I began to get frustrated with my sister that she didn't say "Hey so and so had a baby!" I mean, it's kind of rude, right? I definitely needed to send her a snarky email. I really enjoy sending those. I'm pretty good at it, too.

As I began composing a masterpiece of sarcasm, I opened the second email she sent me and found these pictures:
Now THIS kid, this kid I know! That's my little Evan! He must have been only 2 in that picture. I nearly died from the cute! She must have been cleaning out her camera or something.
 I smiled wistfully and decided to edit some of snark from my pre-composed email as a thank-you gesture. I'm a giving sister like that.

And then I paused.

Ho.Lee. Crap. That baby... That baby was EVAN. My own child, and I didn't recognize him?!?

My email was hugely shortened to just 2 sentences:

"Oh my God. I didn't even know it was Evan at first!"

I waited for her comments to follow with justified taunting at my fantastic mothering abilities.

She replied:

"Do you mean the baby or the toddler? That's Corinne! You can see her little line of her birthmark on her head. I was 6 months pregnant, that's why my face is so fat.*"

Yes. That's right. I not only didn't recognize the baby in the photos as one of my own, I totally didn't know WHICH baby it was.

I win. I win alllll the awards. I win all of the prizes. It's official: I am the World's Worst Mother. Though the credit should not fall solely upon my shoulders. I am happy to thank everyone who made this possible. You know, the little people. Without you, none of this would be possible. You know who you are.

All 3 of you.

*You did not look fat. 

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