Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Item# 4,371 on list of "Things I Never Thought I'd Do Until I Became A Parent..."

Why the long face, cutie pie? And why is your mom taking a picture of you beside a penny??
A COOKIE?!? Isn't that supposed to be for the jewelry party Mommy is hosting tomorrow night? How'd you manage to attain one of those? And at 8 pm to top it off?


Wanna know? Wanna know what I spent 20 minutes doing? Wanna know why I had my face a mere 3 inches from her behind (a dangerous spot to be!) while she pitifully cried and writhed in pain? Wanna know why I had to recruit Evan to sing her songs and stroke her hair as a distraction?

Wanna see the results of a daredevil daughter who slides down WOODEN railings of playsets when wearing a SKIRT?!?


That is only HALF of the HUGE ass* splinter that was literally STUCK into her bottom. The other half is still embedded in her booty cheek because after many tears (on both our parts) I determined that the remainder is just too far into her flesh for me to pull out with tweezers. I am slamming a beer tonight in hopes that her body will push it closer to the surface so that I can perform a splinter-ectomy in the next few days, otherwise it's off to the doctor's office for her.

Ah, Motherhood...


*Couldn't resist.



21 comments:

Lisa said...

Omg, hugs for both of you. Thankfully I haven't been on the mom side of this yet (knock on wood). But I went through it with my own mom when I was about your daughters age. And i'd totally have given her a cookies and had a drinkfor myself. Hope the rest surfaces without too many more tears

Joy said...

Awww, you poor girls. Big hugs to you both!

LceeL said...

Ah. Thus the reason she is STANDING there eating the cookie. Excuse me. I have to get up and walk off these sympathy pains.

beth - total mom haircut said...

Oh...yikers.

Here's what I had a nurse tell me once when Sam had a huge splinter that I couldn't get to, and I've sworn by it ever since. Soak it for a really long time ad often. So have her take a long, bath. Or if she won't for whatever reason then wet a bandage and put it on the splinter area for a while. It brings the splinter to the surface and softens the skin to help it come out on its own, as well as making it easier to remove if you still need to.

Gettysburg Mom said...

I second the soaking suggestion. For some reason- go figure- my kids aren't comfortable when carpenter husband comes at them with an exacto knife, which is his method for removing splinters from himself.

That was a superbly long run-on sentence by the way.

Manic Mommy said...

This story is on its way to becoming Family Lore.

As a child, my husband slid down a creosote-covered telephone pole, stapling his pants to his ass with splinters. My FIL, a surgeon had to take him in and remove them all.

We still hear about it two, maybe three times a year. And everyone laughs at him.

Poor Corrine.

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

I feel your pain, I have removed many a sliver but happily (for me) not from anyone's behind. Yet.

Poor Corrine! And you too, it's not fun poking your child for their own good!

Issas Crazy World said...

Parenthood....ain't it grand. OWIE!!!!

Shannon said...

Oh no!! Poor Corinne and mommy! That splinter is huge. BTW, I wouln't be able to resist calling it a 'HUGE ass' splinter, either. :) I hope it works itself out some.

CaraBee said...

Huge ASS splinter! Poor Corinne! Poor Mommy!

Melissa said...

I just clenched my cheeks. Ouch!

Pregnantly Plump said...

Poor thing. This very well may be an old wives' tale, but my grandmother once told me that her father got a huge thorn up his foot. They tied a big piece of bacon to his foot while he slept and when he woke up, the splinter had worked it's way out. Have no idea how that worked, but sleeping with bacon on your bottom doesn't sound too painful.

mep said...

So inquiring minds want to know -- did slamming the beer help that splinter to move closer to the surface?

Tonya said...

ouch. I loath splinters.

Shari said...

Super, super big OUCH!

anymommy said...

Yeah, that is horrible, and so typical. Hope it came out with ease in the morning.

nmaha said...

U poor things.
The cookies are perfectly acceptable.

Debbie said...

Ouch!
And yes, the things we do that we would have sworn we would never, ever do!

November Grey said...

Just found your blog! You crack me up! "Slamming beer tonight..." I can relate!

Stop by sometime ~ I love to remind my mommies that being fabulous does not have to stop once we answer to the name "mom!" Remembering what's truly important (the love surrounding us) and not forgetting to cherish ourselves and our feminine wiles at the same time!

I'm all about mixing designer with great (money saving!) vintage/thrift finds, as seen here, here, and here.


xx

November Grey
$70 makeup giveaway!

tz said...

oh yikes...once it took me a week to get out hundreds (okay maybe not that many) stickers out of my son's two hands because he was jumping up and down and scraped both hands down a fence...lots of soapy water soaks and needle pokes trying to get those suckers out...splinters are the worst, hope it all works out!

The Diplomatic Mama said...

THAT is hilarious (besides very very painful). So, did the splinter come out? At least now you know NO ONE will EVER do that again in your house.

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