Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Holy Holy Holy...

This post?

This post is one of those posts where I am aiming to make YOU, the reader, feel better about yourself. And, trust me, after realizing what I DID? You will be able to shake your head and smirk in utter superiority and say "Well, at least I never did THAT. I can't be THAT bad!"

I have never gone anywhere by myself. As in, anywhere. I have never gone on a trip without family and never went on a business trip (back in the day). For me to spend money on myself for BlogHer was completely out of character. Even though Patrick was always pushing me to do SOMEthing for myself, I never made the move or had the guts to spend our sparse "spending" money on ME. At least, not THAT much money! BlogHer is expensive!

Of course, the joy of paying for it with mostly my own money earned from writing articles and blog ads (hey! Advertisers! Lots of space on that sidebar! Hint! Hint!) was short-lived when, within a week of cementing the tickets, Patrick lost his job.

Irony. It never goes out of style.

He refused to let me cancel (which I reallllly didn't want to, anyway) and I kept the reservations, etc. We arranged for sitters for the kids for the entire weekend as Patrick works nights at his new job and wouldn't be available to take care of them until Saturday night, anyway. Everything was set. My roomie was paid for my share of the room (again, my paypal account is reaaalllly low. ADVERTISERS interested??), I scrounged through my pathetic wardrobe and found 3 outfits that aren't too embarrassing (except for shoes. I may be barefoot at BlogHer...) and have never been more excited for something in a looooong time.

And then.

A quick check to the BlogHer site to see how we get the tickets (mail? pick-up at the front desk? please let me know!) and I did a double take on the dates....

Holy. F'ing. Shit.

For about 6 months, I have had the WRONG WEEKEND written on my calendar!

To make matters even more upsetting? The weekend that BlogHer is actually on? Is the weekend of Patrick's best friend's wedding.

Holy Holy Holy...

Remember yesterday's swinging pendulum? Picture it detaching and smashing into chunks the shape and size of me all over my computer desk.

A blubbering mess, I began to leave phone messages for everyone I could contact. Our original sitter couldn't help, she was going to the wedding! My mom was out of town and working that weekend. Pat's aunt wasn't at her phone. My sister finally answered and agreed to take the kids on Thursday evening overnight until Patrick can pick them up on Friday afternoon (when he wakes up). The final and last piece of the puzzle that must fall into place for this whole circus to run smoothly is for Patrick to get Friday night off. He asked for it off months ago. We're STILL waiting to find out and if he can't? Well. If he can't, I probably won't be at BlogHer and we still wouldnt' be able to go to the wedding easily, anyway. If he can't, I'll be out hundreds of dollars that we REALLY didn't have available to spend on, oh, NOTHING.

But he will.

He WILL get the night off. He will take the kids to the wedding without me... I hate that. I wanted to see our friends cement their long relationship with vows and a ring and the dress and the dancing... I wanted to doll up Corinne in her fancy pink dress. I wanted to see my kids attending their first wedding.

I hate that no matter which choice I made, I would be hurting inside. But really, this weekend away is about more than just the money spent. It's about me validating the one thing I truly enjoy doing. It's about me standing up and saying "Yes! I am important in this household and I do deserve a chance to do something for myself. Not for my kids, or my family, or my marriage, but for ME."

Check out my review of a HYSTERICAL new book! Also, don't forget the 2 giveaways that end on Friday!


OHmommy said...

Whoa... you were right. LOL. What a mess, but so glad it worked out.

And the last sentence? I heart it T.

JC said...

Yes you do deserve it!

MarĂ­a said...

Aww! I'm sorry you have to miss the wedding! And please, even though I'm hoping you won't take me up on it because I want you to come - if you would rather go to the wedding, I'd be 100% ok with giving you back your money. Just so you know!

Dana said...

I'm so sorry! I hope you can enjoy your weekend. You really deserve it. What a mess though.....

Me said...

Oh man!
Ugh. I'm sorry.

But I am glad you are doing this one thing for yourself. You deserve it. Not you as wife, mom, sister or daughter, but you as yourself.

Best of luck on everything, enjoy every moment!

Kristi said...

Amen, girlfriend. You deserve it. I hope it works out.

Unknown said...

I'm glad it worked out for you. I hope I get a chance to see you there. I'll be the guy hanging around the lobby with the sign on his chest that says "I'm Lou".

Kamis Khlopchyk said...

Don't even think about what you are missing, you will have a great time at Blogher! Enjoy it and post about it so I can live vicariously through you!

Gettysburg Mom said...

I screwed up the dates of my best friend's (since 3rd grade) wedding. I called to make the hotel reservations and the reservationist pointed out it was a week earlier. I then had to reschedule overnight child care for two small kids (Atlee was only six months old.) and reshuffle days off from work and all that type of stuff.

See? I could never feel better about myself reading your blog. I frequently find myself saying, "Oh yeah. I did that too."

Hope it all works out and you get some much needed you time.

Stephanie said...

Bless your heart! I never do anything for myself so I know how you feel!!!!!

You do deserve it though and I am hoping everything works out so you are able to go!

Thanks for visiting my blog today :)

LoveFeast Table said...

You go girl!! Totally worth the extra hurdles to jump, schedules to juggle and laundry you will come home to!! Have fun!! -kristin

CaraBee said...

Oh my. That is a pickle. You are absolutely right, though, you are worth it and I am glad that you are doing this for yourself.

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