Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tracey's Ten Tips To Trim The Tree

Don't you just love alliteration?

1. Lights should be done with no children present, a glass of wine, and long sleeves that tuck into your gloves (so that you don't get a rash from the prickles and sap. Because you ARE using a real tree, right?) Also, lights should be approached with a sense of humor. They will never be perfect, a strand will go out, and it'll be ok if things don't go smashingly. You aren't trying for a prize winning tree, just a good memory maker for your family. Let's get some perspective....

2. Garland/beads/stringing decorations: we are a bead family, mainly because my cats eat anything and everything plastic-like. And then puke it up. So, the garland is out, but I actually like the beads better now. However, these DO make me a bit tense as they truly NEVER WILL be perfect or even close to it, so I have to just drape and drape them all over each other and hope that I can blame the kids for the unevenness...

3. Ornaments: OK. The good stuff. Let the kids have at it, but I suggest that you presort your fancier ones and put them in a different box entirely each year so that their grabby hands don't break Grandma's glass balls. We only have a select few breakable ornaments, but all of them are precious to me. Hence, the reason that they're all WAY up high...

4. Candy canes should go on AFTER the ornaments or else you'll end up with bald spots as the season goes on and the canes are eaten...

5. Please water your tree right now. I'll wait...

Ok, I always add a bit of sugar to our tree's water. Can't remember where I read that, but it made sense and I figured that the tree deserves a treat before it finally gives out. Of course, the tree's already dead, though... Well, whatever. You know what I mean.

6. Ok. Now have the other adult in your household (or some random stranger, should you be single) check that your tree is really, realllly secured. Not that my tree is currently listing into the middle of the living room, or anything. Or that ours has fallen in the middle of the night, causing much panic and leading to the string that tied it to the wall...

7. Hmm. I just realized that this next suggestion should be numero uno, but I'm not changing all of the numbers. Anyway, Put PLASTIC UNDER YOUR TREE'S BASE. I cannot stress how important this is. Again, not that our carpet's ever been ruined or anything...

8. Damn. I need 3 more tips? I had this neato idea for the whole "T" title thing for this post and I am totally ruining it!!

9. Let your kids touch the tree. Really. They're gonna do it anyway, so if you give them permission, it makes it less fun. Well, at least less of a thrill of the fear of getting caught.

10. Enjoy yourself. Turn the lights off. Turn the tree on. Hug your family. Tell them you love them. Listen to some music while sipping your cocoa and treasure this moment before it passes you by...

10 comments:

Tricia said...

Okay, but after you turn on the tree lights and off the room lights, you HAVE to make your eyes go all blurry, so the lights on the tree multiply and get fuzzy- duh! ;)

Kellan said...

You are so funny - this was so funny and really good tips - especially the one about the kids touching the tree - they are going to do it anyway. I enjoyed your tips - thanks and see you soon. Kellan

Alex Elliot said...

I agreed with you as soon as I read the part about putting the lights up without the kids and having a glass of wine!

Melissa said...

Love the list! We still don't have our tree up :S I think we are going to do beads this year. We usually do popcorn strands, but I just don't want to string it this year... lazy, I know!

Kami said...

I am following this to a "T".

;-)

Get it, at T?

We too know nothing about trees falling over in the night. Nope. Not a thing.

Staciesmadness said...

thanks for your wonderful tips. Love the pictures, your kids and tree look beautiful!

Kristi said...

It sounds like you've had some crazy tree mishaps! Great suggestions, especially #1. I don't stress too much about the lights, but it is my least favorite part.

Miss Hope said...

I confess. I have a pre-lit artificial. It makes my life so much easier.

Besides, I'm allergic to the pine trees. Something about the smell of fresh pine pisses my asthma off.

And that makes me feel lucky because that means I don't have to deal with the mess.

Lis Garrett said...

Great tips!!!

I had to go out the other day and buy a new strand of lights because Bridget crunched a bulb between her teeth and made them all go out. She's gonna give me a heart attack yet. If it's not having to call Poison Control, it's worrying about her eating Christmas lights.

Michelle said...

I love your list!

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